>Selfstuck: Begin

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Weeeeeeell...
EH: As I have preeeeeviously asserted, I conducted my time wisely, organizing studies of both a strategical and psychological nature.
EH: It was, in fact, quite intellectually stimulating. ^^;
EH: I almost don't even have to point out the incredibly obvious flaws in the possible viewpoint that I was TRASHING his house. I mean, such notions are just ridiculous.
EH: I was in complete control of the situation the entire time, and thanks to Josh's excellent know-how on all things SBURB, we pulled a fantastic degree of utter pwnage and got him to place the square block into the circle, teleporting his house to some unknown plane!
EH: And, once again, absolutely NO property destruction that may have occurred was of an accidental or playful nature. That would be absurd. >3<;
EH: Oh gawsh I wrecked his house, mate, I decimated it. There were rugs on the walls and bathtubs in several rooms at once and and and only like fifteen planks of flooring left and I mean, they're pretty big planks, but not big enough to floor an entire house.
EH: Not even CLOSE, mate. =A=;;;

>Glen: Seek forgiveness

What better way to atone your wrongdoings than by making sure they don't happen again? You resolve to NOT let your own house be destroyed in such a crude manner.

...

Amazing, it is, how quickly justice is done. You feel better already.

Quote :

AO: I... see?
AO: It should be interesting to note that several news sites seem to be in a frenzy over the fact that a meteor just landed on the spot of where a Mister Josh Ignotum used to live...
AO: The real befuddler though seems to be the fact that there is next to no wreckage found on the spot.
AO: Comparing this with the seemingly reality-warping powers this game has, evident by the pillow that I've dec
AO: ^Weeeeeeeeeee^
AO: ided to start moving all around your room...
AO: This is just getting curiouser and curiouser by the second.

>Rick: Deploy Cruxtruder

You open up the tab and place the big bulky object in the middle of the living room. Seems to resemble a... canister? A cannon? Whatever it is, it does look like it just begs to be a center piece.

Quote :

AO: Whelp, that's there.
AO: Anything you want to do before you open something as ominous as that?
AO: Cheat the mysterious countdown that ticks behind all our lives, so to speak?

> go inside

You figure it's about time you head inside and stop delaying, even though no delaying has happened and you've simply had to take a few seconds to get off your bike, and put it back in your sylladex. Because nothing is more convenient than having to read several pages of text to go for a bike ride.

> encounter father

Your FATHER is not yet home, and you thank your lucky stars for that. Of course, as you happen to be fully aware that your lucky stars hate you, you simply assume that he'll arrive moments before someone pesters you that it's your turn to start playing.

Them's the breaks.

> Head to bedroom, begin examination of helmet

Well, okay.

You immediately begin checking everything you can- the history's been wiped and the bookmarks deleted, but you know you aren't nearly competent enough to hide all the traces. A few minutes later and you've managed to retrieve a series of cookies and follow them back to their origins. The first is RPProject. Good for you. The second leads you to a short introduction to Sburb, which you read in a few minutes and simply become more confused. The third promptly informs you that your web browser is not "Time travel encryption complaint" and that you won't be able to see anything posted ahead of your relative timeframe. You aren't sure what this means, but hit continue anyways.

Quote :

Fear:
The Fear aspect would more accurately be described as illusion, and tends to have rather melodramatic abilities. Ranging from single target abilities that send foes fleeing to AoE abilities that can do anything from cowing them to sending them catatonic, the Fear aspect is incredibly versatile and incredibly hard to use effectively.

...

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: I still don't know what I'm doing! I think if I try to cheat, I'll just end up dead or, or in a political barbecue somewhere. Or worse! oAo;
EH: Let's just... Let's just follow the steps reeeeeeally carefully and see what we can do, okay? >3<
EH: First thing, I need you to drop something heavy on that Cruxtruder!
EH: Well. Not TOO heavy. ouo;

>Glen: Plan ahead

According to the notes you would have made of Josh's entry if you had made them, you will need to prepare an object to toss into the glowy fairy that will soon emerge from its prison of cold, stone cylinder. You have absolutely no idea what to throw in.

>Consult creatively-minded friend

Ah yes, how could you forget about Fowley! If anyone could pick something out of a cluttered bedroom to chuck at a pixie, it's them.

Pesterlog wrote:

-- erraticHorizon [EH] began pestering deLorean [DL] --
EH: Hasi!
EH: Okayrealquick.
EH: You know about this game thing, right? ouo;
EH: Well... I think I have to prototype something now, and I know it'll affect the game, and the thing'll follow me around and be a mini-mentor and all but.
EH: I dunno what to do XD
EH: Maybe a Bionicle? Or a, or a hat?
EH: What would you do? o:

>Rick: Make an Eiffel Tower out of Glen's hats

You have no idea how to control the blasted thing, and eventually you end up just making a pile of hats on the floor. Ah great, EH will probably never forgive you for that, messing with his grand pile of hats and whatnot. You should be ashamed of yourself you dirty child, you cantankerous half-pint, you bileful...

Wait... the arrangement of the hats, the colors, the shapes...

Quote :

AO: MODERN ART!

>Rick: Observe area once more

You scan the room, and to your (probably mis)luck, you notice that Glen has his very copy of the Necronomicon!

Quote :

AO: Oh you got a Necronomicon?
AO: ^Excellent! I myself have a fascination with the strange and alien as well.
AO: If I remember correctly you were one of the few who expressed interest in joining Nexus, right?
AO: ^Well, hats off to you!^
AO: ...
AO: I just made myself sound like a huge asshole by referencing hats after defacing your magnificent collection, didn't I?

Quote :

-- remainingAnonymous [RA] began pestering erraticHorizon [EH] at 20:48 --
RA: Matatatatata.
EH: Ohasi there! ^^;
EH: Sorry if I'm a bit slow to respond, Rick just, well...
EH: He stacked my hats in a pyramid. -A-;
EH: I'm still trying to get over it.
RA: Oh yeah, has he started playing?
EH: Anyway... How are you this fine evening?
RA: Ohhhhhh that's bad.
EH: Well...
EH: Yeah...
RA: No one messes with Glen's hats.
EH: I think I'll be okay, though.
RA: Good I'd hate to have to pap you over it.
EH: It'll just take awhile. ;u;
RA: ANYWAY.
RA: So you remember earlier how I was mad about my picture being deleted right.
RA: On PT SAI.
EH: Yeah? o:
RA: Well guess what~~
EH: What? o3o
RA: My dad got me the full version of SAI so I can save in layers and stuff IN SAI ITSELF.
RA: -w-
EH: Woooooooooooooo! :D
EH: So now you can draw, like, ANYTHING, right?
RA: So I can get to that picture now.
RA: Yepp!!
EH: Oh! Speaking of creativity!
RA: o:?
EH: I still need to decide on what to throw into this sprite thingy. ouo;
RA: Oh yeah!
EH: I've been asking around for advice!
RA: Well....
RA: Why not a hat?
EH: o.o
EH: O.O
EH: Girl, I like the way you think.
RA: >:3
EH: RICK GET THE HECK BACK HERE.
RA: X0
EH: Seriously though why couldn't you have been my server XD
EH: Anyway, thanks! :3
RA: My dad is coming...
EH: Say, do you know when you're-
RA: I'll talk to you soon!!
EH: Ooooh o:
EH: Basi! ^^
RA: Basi broksi~~
-- remainingAnonymous [RA] ceased pestering erraticHorizon [EH] --

>Be the Waif

...You'd like to think you're not homeless.

Your name is KAILEE BROWN but almost all of the people you actually like call you KAIL, occasionally with an added S.

You are a teenage female with an odd, often scientific or intelligent way of speaking/writing, and you are NOT THE AVERAGE FEMALE. You hate everything that has to do with FIXING YOUR HAIR, APPLYING MAKEUP, WEARING FRILLY DRESSES/SKIRTS, and HAVING A POMPOUS HIGH SCHOOL GIRL ATTITUDE. Because of these things, you often wear jeans, jean shorts, and t-shirts, along with tank tops. You do nothing to your hair except for special occasions, so you just roll of out bed and let the curly mess fluff itself up throughout the day.

You are currently drawing using your SUPER COOL WACOM BAMBOO TABLET that you really DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE. Well. You consider yourself an amateur going through the learning process, even though you got the thing about a year ago. Your headset is almost ever present these days, though when not playing your various VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES you are using them as HEADPHONES to listen to MUSIC of MANY GENRES. Currently you are listening to the K-POP HIT which is strangely silly and yet an attractive pop culture song, GANGNAM STYLE by PSY.

Yes, you know you're dumb.

Looking back at that Pesterlog with Glen, you notice a typo or two you didn't catch before. You quickly shut the chat window as your father bursts through the door to the office where he makes you keep the computer. "Because it's not safe to have it where no one else can see it," he says. Ugh.

What's he going on about now? Of course, the usual: "You spend too much time on the computer, who are you talking to, what are you doing, you never spend time with me" and the like. Sigh.

You shoo him away and OH LOOK MOVES LIKE JAGGER CAME ON he leaves grumbling about you 'copping an attitude'.

Which is an ironic phrase if you think about it.

Speaking of cops, you are currently wearing your teal jacket that you found in your house, which you think you shouldn't wear because it makes you seem like a fangirl but at this point it keeps you warm and you don't really care because there is a shirtless tealblood running around your house somewhere and COD GLUB IT IF YOU WON'T FIND HIM ONE DAY.

Aside from that, you don your aviator shades and try to think of a witty one-liner to insert here, but fail to do so, and, with shame, take off your sunglasses and tuck them back in your jacket pocket. You put your headset back on and pick up your tablet pen again.

Glancing over at your awesome Dragon Cane, you smile and giggle in a slightly demented way, definitely not in your own voice. You can't recall whose, however.

You think your drawing is coming along nicely! Despite the creepy doll heads littering the digital canvas, that's what the requester wanted. Mentally shrugging, you captchalogue your cane and get to wokr on that drawing again.

Quote :

DL: oh yeah that game thing or w/e
DL: to be honest i dont know i mean id just chuck anything in there
DL: i dont normally think before i do something and thatd p be one of those situations
DL: i dont know abotu you but id love to shove some back to the future shit in tha
DL: that
DL: man how cool would that be marty mcfly wahtt a badass
DL: i dont know id go gay/straight for him but
DL: oh snap
DL: hes married
DL: he has kids
DL: hes 51
DL: i mean mjfox rn ok this has been a psa
DL: ive also changed the subject completely but yeah w/e
DL: bionicle or soem shit like that
DL: oh my god what if
DL: bionildce WITH a hat
DL: jesus crhiST

>Who the hell is this douchebag

wow you piece of shit stop being a fucking rude ass piece of shit triggered

Your name is SEONAID-- SHAWN-- DAVID? , and okay, you're NOT TOO SURE WHICH ONE OF THOSE IT IS. Most people seem to call you DAVID lately, but that would probably CAUSE A BIT OF CONFUSION. To be honest, you DON'T CARE, just as long as no one calls you SEONAID. You have a VARIETY of INTERESTS and HOBBIES, though the thing you seem to do most is run your BLOG. You have plenty of FOLLOWERS to PLEASE, so you make sure to try be on there EVERY DAY. You ABSOLUTELY ADORE BACK TO THE FUTURE, it's the BEST MOVIE EVER, no contest, and it was also the INSPIRATION for your CHUMHANDLE. You do like PART TWO and THREE, though they're just not as GREAT as the first. You frequently have BACK TO THE FUTURE MARATHONS, which some could QUESTION on how you aren't FED UP with those movies yet. MICHAEL J. FOX has become your FAVOURITE ACTOR thanks to this, and hell you'd go STRAIGHT FOR THAT MAN, you don't CARE how OLD he is now, you still TOTALLY WOULD. You really like a RANGE of other TV SHOWS, GRAVITY FALLS, PRIMEVAL, SUPERNATURAL and DOCTOR WHO are probably your FAVOURITES. You also love to play VIDEO GAMES in any other SPARE TIME YOU HAVE, which is a LOT, as you PROCRASTINATE EVERYTHING, which seems to give you WAY MORE TIME THAN YOU NEED. LEFT 4 DEAD 2 and AMNESIA: THE DARK DESCENT are probably your FAVOURITES at this point, though you LOVE many of the OLDER games, especially any that are STREET FIGHTER-ESQUE. You also really like to DRAW, but you think you absolutely SUCK at it, though APPARANTLY people don't AGREE. You also ADORE ROLEPLAYING, though DEFINITELY get lazy when it comes to REPLYING.

You're quite a LAID BACK and CHILL kind of PERSON, though can EASILY be set off by someone GENERALLY PISSING YOU OFF. You often get pissed at REALLY DUMB THINGS, especially people NOT ACCEPTING THAT THEY'RE WRONG WHEN THEY LOSE AN ARGUMENT. That TICKS YOU OFF TO NO END. If someone gets on your BAD SIDE, you're willing to LOSE THAT COOL, and FUCK THEM UP. They will DEFINITELY know that you DESPISE their VERY EXISTANCE. Other than that, you're WILLING to LEND A HAND to any of your FRIENDS, and are quite open to hearing their RANTS to you, offering ANY ADVICE you can MANAGE TO GIVE, as you do LOVE to HELP if you can.

You have a SMALL CASE OF INSOMNIA, which is GRADUALLY GETTING BETTER, and SLEEP IS SOMETHING HAPPENING MORE, though you still stay up LATE anyway. You also FEAR that you MAY BE SCHIZOPHRENIC, though you aren't going to come to ANY CONCLUSIONS on that for now, as you only HEAR VOICES AND SEE THINGS every so often. You DOUBT that it's SCHIZOPHRENIA, and DEFINITELY don't want it to be. You also have some PROBLEMS WITH YOUR EYES. You are SHORT SIGHTED, but can see FINE without glasses as long as you don't have to look too far away. But when you go outside you find that you FEQUENTLY NEED TO WEAR SUNGLASSES, as your EYES seem to be VERY SENSITIVE to how BRIGHT it is, and it SUCKS.

and jesus christ thats a big ass intro who the fuck even cares like wow move the fuck on

>Talk to your girlfriend.

You can't talk to her!! She's not online!!

>Communicate with the dead.

That's no use either. You fondly regard your ~expert~ knowledge on paranormal, but now is simply not the time for it.

(And if you'll be honest, going into all of that stuff makes it far harder for you to actually get yourself to sleep.)

>Stop fucking around.

You've had your turn at trying to be at least amusing, and you definitely don't think it worked. That doesn't bug you though, as you literally don't have a problem at all with it. Currently you reside on your chair, staring at your laptop screen.

There doesn't seem to be much to do, but you try to think of something anyway.

You probably should be pestering someone about this game, but you're really in no rush for anything right now. Plus you suck at starting the conversation. If anyone wanted to talk to you, they'd do it first.

Yeah.

A young man stands alone in a tent, fussing with a stuck zipper. Today is not his birthday, and neither does it feel like Christmas despite the warm artificial air that was produced by a space heater, mingled with the crisp cold air that sits outside and the malicious swearing that escaped the young man's mouth. Although it is best not to interfere in this young man's affairs, we will choose this time to name him anyways.

What is his name?

=> UNCLEAN HORSEFUCKER

Now would be a bad time to piss him off even more with your nonsensical bullshit.

=> JOHN SMITH

You really need to get your game together.

=> JESSE SUTOR

Perfect.

=>INTRODUCTION: Your name is JESSE SUTOR, you consider yourself one of the most UNIQUE PEOPLE that you know given your current life style which can sound a little arrogant if you think about it. You travel on the road so you can be anywhere along the east coast of the UNITED STATES, and working at RENAISSANCE FESTIVALS of all places. You enjoy animals and absolutely love your CATS, one of which is named REMINGTON and you love his cuddly toosh to death. You have a number of hobbies, none of which you consider yourself very good at but enjoy them nonetheless. These consist of COOKING, ROCK CLIMBING, READING, WRITING, and I'm not quite sure what else but you are terrible at technology and generally cannot understand them. You should also be kept away from computers at ALL TIMES since you have terrible luck involving them. You also happen to be interested in the SLENDER MAN mythos, hence the shirt, and you dabble a bit in PSYCHOLOGY. You can also be a bit of a jokester at times. You're also a big Doctor Who fan. Now that we got that measly uninteresting introduction out of the way, let's get back to that confound zipper.

>Jesse: Unzip the zipper.

Well that's what you've been trying to do for the past five minutes. Can you believe that? A perfectly fine weekend morning and five minutes of it was spoiled by a god damn zipper. Five minutes that you'll never get back. Clearly your brother has been up to no good and made an effort to waste your no doubt valuable time.

>Jesse: Crawl through the small open space between the tent flap.

That actually worked out quite nicely, except that you likely threw out your back while doing so and now have dirt all over your hands. Good work genius.

>Examine your surroundings

Well since it's the weekend morning, the bright shining sun radiates its light upon the cars driving in in droves and finding their places in the parking lot. You might as well be living next to interstate. Your recent awakening was the result of a car alarm going off, which was no doubt triggered by a dubious pickpocket, who was likely frightened by the alarm.

Serves that fucker right.

>Jesse: Jump ontop the hood of your truck and moan like a bear in labor

That is completely inane. What the hell are you even on to come up with such a thing?

Though you can't say the thought hasn't crossed your mind before...

>Jesse: Go inside the trailer and expect brotherly harassment

You walk around your tent only to find that HOLY SHIT your feet meets with freezing cold wet grass causing you to dance your way over to the mat outside the door of your trailer.

Hey look, there's your cat. Aw, he's so cute.

==>

You open the door andOH MY GOD YOUR BROTHER IS RIGHT THERE. He immediately jumps into position read to engage in strife, but frankly he isn't worth your time so you just shove him aside. Bothersome prick.

>Jesse: Pick up laptop and abscond

You quickly manage to take your HALF-CHARGED LAPTOP and put it into your SYLLADEX before absconding into the master bedroom of the trailer.

>Take out the half-charged laptop and log into RPPesterchum.

Well it's not exactly RPPesterchum, a combination of the popular instant messaging and your very own forum, but you renamed the file to make yourself feel important anyways. Who is online anyways? There's a number of people online, all of which are probably preoccupied with the illegal "release" of the new SBURB BETA that recently "came out". Meaning you managed to hack it with the help of your more computer savvy friends. But you figured out it was actually pretty fucking lame shortly after.

Anyways, back to messaging some lucky bastard. There's Aaron. He is usually rather enjoyable to talk to when he wasn't going off on one of his ramblings.

Quote :

-- crankyGrouch [CG] began pestering cursiveWrit [CW] --

CG: How's_it_going_man?
CG: I'm_guessing_you_got_that_new_beta_that_came_out?
CG: Please_tell_me_you_haven't_fell_victim_to_its_unimpressive_game_mechanics.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: That's funny... RA said the same thing!
EH: Well, what with the hat.
EH: But I figure that's two votes to none, so. Here goes nothing!
EH. If I can just... Dismantle...
EH: ThisfreakinghatpyramidImean. WHOEVENDOESTHAT? >A<
EH: But. Um.
EH: Nicetalkingtoya! See ya ingame~ ^^
-- erraticHorizon [EH] has ceased pestering deLorean [DL --

>Glen: Rescue little hats

Oh, oh no! Not your fedora! Not your golf cap! Or your OTHER golf cap! My goodness, the beanies, the beanies! Your Australian sunhat, no no no! The caps - dear gawd - no, not the bucket hats! NOT THE BUCKET HATS!

Thankfully, you are able to CAPTCHALOGUE the JUMBLE OF HATS before any permanent damage can be done. Your ANAGRAM MODUS eats it up, and you spy in your SYLLADEX a suspiciously new FETAL MUSH JOB, whatever that is.

>Berate server

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: How could you!!! D:
EH: I knew I was to be punished, but that...
EH: That was just uncalled-for! >A<
EH: I do... I do have the Necronomicon though, yeah.
EH: Shame Nexus never got started. -n-;
EH: Hey, maybe I could use the Necronomicon to prototype the spunky thing! o3o;
EH: After the hat, of course.
EH: OH GAWD THE HAAAATS WHYYY
-- erraticHorizon [EH] swoons mightily. --

>Prototype little spunky thing

You - reluctantly - expel the FETAL MUSH JOB from your SYLLADEX. The hats fly everywhere, as if whipped about by an unseen breeze, and you imagine that, somewhere on Earth, a dead poet is playing a sad, sad song on the world's smallest violin.

==>

Selecting your fine FAKE-FUR TOP HAT - which you never had a big enough head to wear, anyway - you give it a mournful lob into LITTLE SPUNKY THING.

>Recaptchalogue heady furry things

My, these impulses are becoming more and more rubbish.

The SLIGHTLY SMALLER PILE OF HATS becomes some MALE ELF'S LITHOGRAPHY STILLS. You don't think you'll risk retrieving those anytime soon.

Quote :

AO: Oh gosh man.
AO: I
AO: I really didn't mean to.
AO: Agh, everytime. Something unfortunate happens, it seems minor to me and I try to make light of the situation, and a few minutes later I realized I just committed murder on an incredibly sentimental piece.
AO:

>Rick: Shed single tear of transparent liquid sorrow

Your attempt is an overwhelming success.

Quote :

AO: Right, well...
AO: I see you put some... thing into the... other thing??
AO: I really need to look up some terminology on this game.
AO: And I also really want to know what the heck you put into the other thing.
AO: From the looks of it, your other thing becomes the thing you put into it.
AO: So by logical connections, I want you to take the thought of putting the Necronomicon into the other thing...
AO: And liquidate it, burn it, bury it, and never speak of it again.
AO: Cthulhu anywhere in our world is a bad thought, even if he is your other thing.
AO: And that's the WHOLE BLOODY BOOK. Who know's WHAT kind of monstrosity could boldly stride forth?
AO: Not trying to sound rude, just looking out for you.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: No, man, it's...
EH: It's not your fault, man. It's not your fault. -A-;
EH: Rick.
EH: Rick, listen to me, mate! Get a hold of yourself!
EH: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT RICK
EH: IT'S...
EH: Not... Not your...
EH: Not your fault...
EH: ono;
EH: It'snotyourfault.

>Glen: Take stock of little situation

The COUNTDOWN appears to have started, and you have even less time than Josh did. Luckily, now that you know how to go about putting the one thing into the other thing, retrieving the derived thing and using it to activate the separate thing, taking that thing's product thing and doing something to it - depending upon the nature of said thing - you can easily blow through this game in a sec and a half. One point four secs, if your calculations is incidental.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Hoooooookay...
EH: I gotta agree with you on the whole Necronomicon thing. Though I am sorely tempted to lob it in JUST to see what would happen, I don't think that would be very wise XD
EH: There must be, like. So many books I could use, though!
EH: Imagine the greatest characters coming to life!
EH: And I did a hat.
EH: Ah well, I'm pretty happy about that. -3-
EH: But! I'm gonna need ya to deploy basically everything you can. The free stuff.
EH: Like there should be a 'pre-punched card' and a 'punchy desgix' and a 'totes lame.'
EH: And tell me where you put em down. :3 Then we can really get this going!
EH: Because I still don't know what happens when the countdown runs out.
EH: Buuuuuuut not too amped to remedy that sitch. Let's play by the rules.
EH: FOR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

>Fetch little markers

You have been slighted grievously, Montresor. Knowing that Rick is watching your every move, you begin dropping tiny hints that a pointy reckoning is coming. Revenge will be yours, and the (ABSOLUTELY STORYBOOK) lead-up will be so gracefully subtle that only the most romantic depths of his subconscious will ever see it coming!

==>



REVEEEENGE.

>Josh: ...

You feel rather dazed. Maybe it was the blinding flash of light, or was it a sudden dimming of the lights, you aren't quite sure. Either way, you know you've been out for a while. This is apparent by the fact the last message you received was at least 15 minutes ago. You figured that there is no point in responding just yet.

Wasn't something happening right before you passed out? Like a meteor or something? You aren't entirely sure. A part of you thinks it's just a dream, but the mess of wood and broken marble suggest otherwise.

You decide your best option is to look out the window...

Land of Wild and Ruin

You are met with a rather serene looking environment, hills and valleys as far as the eye can see, litered with ruins, columns, large firepits, and other oddities.
There also seem to be the above mentioned large word floating ominously in the air, but they fade away quickly.

Where the hell are you.

>Rick: Read threatening scrawls

The scrawls are so threatening that you are unable to read them! Something about Hats attacking Blood...

>Rick: Deploy Totes Lame and Alchemiter

You grab the Alchemiter from the Phernalia Registry and drag it into one of Glen's room, where you proceed to drop it with the smoothness of cat... who is yowling on a sound level on par with rock concerts while on fire streaking through your house while loud pop music blares from a giant stereo lodged in its anal cavity.

Quote :

AO: Sorry! My coordinates on where my cursor was were a bit off.
AO: Learning from my mistake, I can easily rectify the situation when deploying the next item.

However, there seems to be not Totes Lame in the Phernalia Registry!

>Rick: Don't be stupid. Grab that Totem Lathe.

Oh... well, upon retrospect, it seems that was a moment of idiocy there.

You drag the Totem Lathe into a different, but still nearby, room, and find a good place against the wall. Unfortunately, your coordinates were off again, and it lands in the middle of the room with another thud. Not as terrible as the last, but still enough to evoke the suspicion of a neighbor... who lives several miles out of the state in which the thud occurred.

Quote :

AO: ...
AO: Whelp, at least there aren't a ton of machines left to screw up on.
AO: They don't seem vitally important now, so I suppose I could wait on those whilst I work on this blasted cursor.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Excellent! :3
EH: Now I'm going to need that Pre-Punched Card, first off...
EH: And then the Punchy Designer! ^3^

>Glen: Collect little totems

After a might display of time-wasting, you are able to produce SIXTEEN CRUXITE DOWELS. Moments later, your SYLLADEX displays a brand new EXECUTRIX STEIN. You're not even sure if that can be a thing.

>Locate Totes Lame

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Okaaaaaay, now lemmeseeifIcan...
EH: Really now? My sister's old bedroom?
EH. Now that is a low blow, my friend. ~.~;
EH: IT'S OOOOOOOON.
EH: LIKE...
EH: LIKE A COMPUTER.
EH: A DARN COMPUTER.
EH: See now you made me swear. ;A;
EH: Naaaaaw it's cool I forgive ya. :3
EH: I mean... I WILL forgive ya if you deploy that Pre-Punted Carp!

> Aaron: Finish reading already!

NEVER!

okay. you suppose it would be good to stay in the loop of events. if things are going apace, which you should hope they are, then you will be in charge of saving Rick's life shortly.

It is likely a good idea to message him and establish a timeline on him being done-ish, based on entrance and getting mata up to the first portal.

You briefly wonder if this is going to result in a Donner-party esque situation given that this game seems to take a very long time to play, at least based on your readings, though it's possible you have just neglected checking methods of gaining food in favor of looking up every aspect of the plot and leveling system you could.
This turned out to be a lot of incredibly loquacious and flowery nothing. What the hell is a revelawesome, and how does that make up anything resembling a competent method of distributing skills? whatever. It's how the game works, and there's no changing that.

>don't you have something to do, other than stare off into space and exposition?

Oh! Right! You were going to message... ummm...

Right! Rick!

Quote :

-- cursiveWrit [CW] began pestering airedOriginator [AO] --
CW: Given the apparently massively increased stakes of the game we are about to play
CW: I thought now would be a good time to ask how much longer I have to read before you are ready for me to help you enter
CW: To be more specific, how much time do I have left before you succeed not only in helping Mata to enter the game, but also in reaching her first gate
CW: which, while not necessarily required prior to your entrance, is strongly advised
CW: I agree with this advice, because a dead Mata makes for a sad Joural.

Quote :

AO: Bullocks! Again I jeer your sensibilities, interests and memories while not knowing that I am jeering your sensibilities, interests and memories.
AO: So if we have somehow landed into some fictional story, what with the presence of a reality-warping computer game, does that count as a character flaw?
AO: My whole 'insulting people without knowing that I'm insulting them' thing? Because I sure as heck don't like it.
AO: Bluh, maybe I'm just getting too meta on these theoretical metaphors and similes. Back to the game.
AO: So, I calibrated my cursor, getting 'the hang' of it and whatnot. I'll try to move the obnoxiously large device that I placed in your sister's room into a less insulting area.
AO: Well, that's curious. It seems that it requires something called 'Grist' to move.
AO: Umm... Seems I can't move it.
AO: ... This is incredibly awkward.
AO: Nonetheless, I'm dropping the Card next to you. Please put a hand over your face so that it doesn't turn out to be paper and bop you on the nose on its wavy descent.

>Rick: Notice CW

Quote :

AO: Massive stakes? First gates? DEAD MATAS?!
AO: Well, my work on getting Glen in seems to be nigh-completed, if not done, and all I can do is wait for him to work with the tools I presented to him.
AO: Now, before I give you the go on deploying some of the obnoxiously massive instruments, I wish to know:
AO: How the bloody heck do you and Josh know all this stuff concerning the game?!
AO: I mean, yeah, the game is warping reality to increasingly ludicrous results, but I didn't know that it would result in us actually winding up DEAD.
AO: I mean, yeesh, this is getting scary.

>>Explain

Quote :

CW: I have no idea how Josh gained his knowledge, but I sent myself information from the future.
CW: Given what this game entails, I get the feeling that statement will only remain in doubt for so much longer, before everyone just sort of accepts what's going on.
CW: One thing I read suggested the game exuded an "Aura of Normalicy", which made it harder to notice how strange it is.
CW: I would just posit that any attempt to contemplate the hows and whys of this game results in headaches and a decision not to do that again.
CW: Once he has entered we should wait a few minutes, to allow you to deal with any significant issues he might have.

Well now, you guess you should likely login the computer using the hint you hid for yourself- you swear, that was particularly brilliant, editing someone else's document to give yourself a hint- and really, geography does make the answer so very obvious.

>Kails: Ready thyself!

Bluh.

You promptly save your now completed drawing and stand up, putting the computer
on sleep mode and picking up your pesterPad. You can do other things on it too,
like browse the web, take pictures, play games on various apps...but you mostly
use it to talk to your friends.

You do NOT captchalogue it though, because if you accidentally locked it in your
sylladex you would be a little irritated.

==>

Slipping by your father in the living room, you sneak past him while he reads
the newspaper so as to avoid a strife. There will be time for that later. You,
hearing about Glen's little thing he had to throw an item into, decide to figure
out what would be the best (or coolest) thing for you to throw in! Assuming you
have the same type of thingy, that is.

You decide to pester David to get the down-lo.

Quote :

[07:38] -- remainingAnonymous [RA] began pestering beastlyExperimentor [BE] at 19:38 --
[07:38] RA: Dave.
[07:38] RA: DAAAAAAAVE.
[07:38] RA: :D
[07:38] RA: Hasi!!
[07:39] RA: So Glen has started playing this game.
[07:39] RA: What's it called again?
[07:39] RA: SBRUB?
[07:39] RA: SBARG?
[07:39] BE: SBURB.
[07:40] RA: Is that an acronym or what.
[07:40] BE: Not as far as I can tell.
[07:40] RA: Then I think that's a silly name!!
[07:41] BE: *Shrugs*
[07:42] RA: What is up with this SBURB you have organized, no one will tell me anything!!
[07:42] BE: Oh, right, shit. Need to get back on that.
[07:43] BE: Well, Glen servers Josh, Rick servers Glen, Aaron servers Rick then I guess?
[07:43] RA: ....
[07:43] BE: And I think you server Aaron, I guess.
[07:43] RA: What.
[07:43] RA: You guess??
[07:43] RA: You aren't sure yet???
[07:43] BE: Organizational bullshit is just that. Bullshit.
[07:44] RA: It's important, dude!!
[07:44] BE: The amount of shit that gets in the way of planning things is ridiculous.
[07:44] RA: Nothing can go anywhere without a little prior planning!
[07:44] RA: And it sounds like you have a lot of that to do and not much time to do it now that things are rolling.
[07:44] RA: Wishing you luck.
[07:44] RA: You'll need it at this rate!
[07:45] BE: Ehhhhhhh wait.
[07:47] BE: Now that I think about it, maybe you can help.
[07:47] RA: o:?
[07:47] RA: I'm not sure I want to with the mess you've gotten yourself into!!
[07:47] RA: Just kidding. :P
[07:47] RA: I'd be more than happy!
[07:47] RA: Come at me bro. Give me your best shot. >:3
[07:47] BE: Good. You can get a handle on this organizational thing better than I can.
[07:49] -- beastlyExperimentor [BE] sent remainingAnonymous the following file: SBURB-Chain.txt --
[07:49] RA: O:
[07:49] BE: Here's my half-cobbled-together thing for this.
[07:49] RA: There's a chain?
[07:49] RA: Define chain in this instancre.
[07:49] RA: *inctasnce!!
[07:49] RA: *instance jegus
[07:50] BE: Hopefully, it's a loop of server-client pairs, with each server then being a client and each client having been or intending to be a server.
[07:50] BE: Josh is the first client, and the last server, should all go well.
[07:50] RA: So it's a team-based game!!
[07:50] RA: My favorite. :3
[07:51] RA: You might need to catch me up to speed sooner or later, because I'm all still a bit fuzzy on this stuff!
[07:51] BE: Of course our convaluted mess of an internet social group is apt to cause problems.
[07:51] RA: But yeah just let me know what I need to do to help ya and I'd be happy to oblige. uwu
[07:51] RA: Wait.
[07:51] BE: I'm already trying to make measures to make sure all the pairings work out.
[07:51] RA: No.
[07:51] RA: Well there is that.
[07:52] RA: But I can make them all come together, one way or another, if it helps!
[07:52] RA: People tell me I am good at that.
[07:53] BE: Welcome to the ridiculous world of videogame-team-structure-matchmaking.
[07:53] BE: You're my first mate on this horrendous ship of platonic friendship shipping.
[07:53] RA: Oh please. :P
[07:53] RA: Wait what.
[07:53] BE: With 50% more ship, too.
[07:53] RA: ...
[07:53] RA: Bluh makes me think of those guys on hat fortress 2.
[07:53] RA: X)
[07:54] BE: Platonic shipping, I said.
[07:54] BE: Don't get too excited.
[07:54] RA: Irregardless!!
[07:54] RA: Is that a word?
[07:54] RA: it is now.
[07:54] BE: No.
[07:54] BE: It isn't.
[07:54] RA: It is now!!
[07:54] BE: Nor was it ever.
[07:54] RA: It is now!!!
[07:54] BE: Nor will it be.
[07:54] RA: Dave, let me have my own dictionary!!
[07:54] RA: Gosh, relax a bit. :c
[07:55] BE: Here: http://www.merriam-webster.com/
[07:55] RA: Dude!!
[07:55] RA: Not cool!!!
[07:55] RA: :/
[07:56] BE: 7B )
[07:56] RA: >:/!!!
[07:56] BE: 7 B )
[07:56] BE: 7B )
[07:56] BE: 7 B )
[07:56] BE: 7B )
[07:57] RA: }8\
[07:57] BE: If you can do that with your eyebrows, perhaps Count Olaf should enlist you as a henchman.
[07:57] RA: ....
[07:58] RA: I don't even know who that is!!
[07:58] RA: Anyway, back to the point!
[07:58] RA: Organization.
[07:58] RA: What do you want me to do?
[07:58] BE: Well, I've talked to Rick, Glen, Josh, and Aaron.
[07:58] BE: And AE, unintentionally.
[07:58] BE: Anyways.
[07:59] BE: I just need you helping me contact other people I guess?
[07:59] RA: But I don't know anything about this game!!
[07:59] RA: You have failed to be helpful, David. :P
[07:59] BE: Just tell them when to come in.
[07:59] BE: I posted the link to the game earlier today anyways.
[07:59] BE: You should have seen it.
[08:00] RA: I'll have to check!
[08:00] RA: I expect you to come around and tell me what's who a bit later!
[08:00] RA: I need to go get ready though now I guess!
[08:00] RA: I don'r know what to expect, but I'll prepare for anything!
[08:00] RA: *don't
[08:00] BE: I don't know many details either.
[08:01] BE: Which reminds me, I need to talk to Josh about his current progress with the game.
[08:01] RA: Alrioght!!
[08:01] RA: *alright
[08:02] RA: I await our future conversation with baited breath!!
[08:02] RA: Basi Dave!
[08:02] -- remainingAnonymous [RA] ceased pestering beastlyExperimentor [BE] at 20:02 --

Well that wasn't a productive conversation at all! You didn't learn anything that you anted to know...other than the fact that apparently everyone thinks you are AMAZING at organization.

You think that they should see your room.

You're more than happy to [help] lead anything you're asked to, people also tell you that you are a NATURAL-BORN LEADER.

==>

You head upstairs and look around your room. What to do, what to do....

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Right-o, Jeeves!
EH: Now if I remember correctly, all Josh had to do was...
EH: ...
EH: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh I'll figure it out. >3<;
EH: Oh, and don't worry about my sister's bedroom!
EH: I mean, it's basically dad's now, and I don't thiiiink he was in there when you crushed it...

>Glen: Activate Totem Lathe

You most certainly don't remember correctly, but it's fairly clear that the card goes in this tiny slot...

==>

And the CRUXITE DOWELS must go here. You eject them from your SYLLADEX and all but one of the lot manage to sail out the window.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: Flux.
EH: Can you fetch those for me? o:

>Insert little cylinder

It fits neatly in the CLAWSPROCKET, which is most likely not the name for the TOTEM LATHE'S actual appendage. Regardless, it flows off of the tongue like a stick of abused butter, which can only be the sole requirement for naming these ridiculous contraptions.

You eject a marker from your SYLLADEX and scrawl your new designation onto the thing. Beautiful.

>Quit this frolic, little hat

Of course. All of this marker business is, quite simply, TOTES LAME. Speaking of TOTES, you believe the device is fully prepped now.

>Activate little machine

Your FETCH MODUS scrambles the CURVY DOWEL into a VERY LOW CUD. Charming.

>Rick: Answer CW

Quote :

AO: I'm still going to hold the theory that we're being punk'd in the back of my head, but I suppose I'll just go with it.
AO: Oh crap hold on.
AO: It seems a puzzle of retrieval is shouting out to me.

>Rick: Retrieve Cruxite Dowels

Oh boy, it's just slightly out of your reach. This one will require some PUZZLESAVVY to obtain. You grab a pillow from Glen's room and gently nudge the cursor across it, moving it millimeter by millimeter and-

Aaaaand it slips completely out of your reach.

Quote :

AO: Uhm... you only needed one of those, right?
AO: I really hope you only need one of those.
AO: That timer seems to be ticking down closer and closer.
AO: Wat do??

>Respond

Quote :

CW: Why not just, you know...
CW: ask Mata to move closer to whatever you're retrieving?
CW: that seems the simplest solution.

>Prepare to avoid future hang ups

Right. Time to install the server disk. Also, Time to choose what you're going to prototype. It is a decision that will require the UTMOST of patience and intelligence and OH MY GOD A POKEMON CARD YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES YOU WILL HAVE THE MOST ADORABLE SPRITE EVER.

You would consider prototyping one your stories just to see what spills out, but the concept of having to murder evil fluttershys fills you with dread.

Pesterlog wrote:

EH: I don't even know, man! I don't even know what is going on right now!
EH: Hoooooooo boy you're right... We are REALLY low on time.
EH: Imma try and kick this nugget in to high gear, okay?
EH: You know, before we all die or something.
EH: Bear with me here, and wish me luck! ^^;

>Glen: Go to little Alchemiter

Crap crap crap crap crap where was it where was it where was it YOUR BEDROOM oh if that smug little blue text has even so much as touched your AUDUBON BIRDS...

==>

They're safe. What a relief! You take the opportunity to CAPTCHALOGUE the STUFFED BIRD COLLECTION as CONDUCTIBLE FIELD FROST. Maybe they'll be useful later, perhaps as a comfort when you are shooting LARGE AMOUNTS OF ZOMBIES later in the game.

That probably won't happen. It's good to be prepared, though.

>10

Clearly, the VERY LOW CUD goes into the WIDGET, and then you have to activate the WHATCHAMAJIGGER...

>9

Ah, there it goes! You haven't taken a look at the counter in a while, but you probably have plenty of time left.

>8

You hope you don't need very much GRIST to ALCHEMIZE whatever this is going to be.

>7

It's... A green doll?

>6

You pull on it; there's another doll inside. Dumb MATRYOSHKA.

>5

There's another doll inside that one, too. You suppose that was to be expected.

>3

A few more...

>2

Another! It's like two and a half inches high, when are you going to get to the... Whatever you're trying to get to?

>1

In an act of desperation, you tear into the MATRYOSHKI with about three-quarters the fury of a MAD HATTER.

>0:59

It suddenly hits you how glad you are that you didn't have ONE SECOND left to get to the bottom of this thing. That would have been pretty ridiculous. As it stands, you're just very SLOW at all things ALCHEMIZING.

You are able to reach the glowing green core with plenty of time to spare - it's about three centimeters high, and as you lift it apart to view its contents, a great FLASH sweeps forth.

>Rick: Observe success of client

Your attempt is a rousing success! You end up watching the machinations of your partner so fiercely that when the flash hits, the burst is so powerful even through your screen that you're flung back from the monitor, temporarily blinded.

You pull the stool back towards the desk, but as you slowly regain sight, you quickly see an all-too familiar blue error screen staring you in the face. Blast, it'll be quite a while before you get this thing back to the game again. You might as well tell Joural to get ready. You pull out the iPester and begin typing.

Quote :

AO: Alright, from what I have seen, Mata is 'in'.
AO: Well at least I think he did. There was a large flash, and then my computer crashed.
AO: As much as I want to see what became of my client, I'm afraid it will take a while before my computer boots the game up again.
AO: In the mean time, I suppose we shall prepare.
AO: Now, when you open up the game there will be a registry containing all the outlandishly large objects needed to get into the game.
AO: One of which is a 'Cruxtruder', which is the particularly bulky one topped by a cylinder containing a glowy thing.
AO: Now, despite the common connection that would form in the natural brain when hearing of a more detailed description such as that, DO NOT DEPLOY THE CRUXTRUDER JUST YET.
AO: Upon opening the cylinder is when the countdown will start.
AO: Before we let the countdown start, it would be a good idea to first understand where everything should be placed, along with other instances of planning.
AO: To start, I will assume that you have the server open, and, noting that you are watching my every move, I will explain exactly which rooms are which.
AO: First we'll start here. This room is not full, there is a bed off to the corner there for the occasional guest, and a closet on the other side of the room. That is the latter half of this room.
AO: On the former half is my computer, currently myself, and the door.
AO: This is a relatively empty room, and as such would be an ideal place for placing one of the larger devices.

>Rick: Exit UNUSED ROOM 1 and enter UNUSED ROOM 2 a few feet down the hall

Quote :

AO: This used to be my Grandfather's room.
AO: There is a large bed to my left, as you can see, a large slidy-shelfy thing adorning the head of the bed, and a large TV mounted on a large dresser on the wall.
AO: Grandpa really knew how to live large.
AO: The channels that the TV got used to be many of the major newscasters of the world, but due to unpaid dues the selection has been getting thinner and thinner.
AO: How the bloody Hell he could afford all of this for so long, but couldn't give me a decent Fetch Modus straight-forwardly is beyond me. Good thing Pocket Modus is a real Modus.
AO: Adjacent to this room is the small bathroom. Servicable, but in no way fancy.

==>

Quote :

AO: The kitchen. Surprisingly spacious, but I wouldn't recommend putting anything in it.
AO: That's about all there is to say on the matter.

==>

Quote :

AO: And now in the Living Room.
AO: A plain, relatively nice room, with enough space in its center to put the Cruxtruder later.
AO: uhm...
AO: avoid the urn over there
AO: like really
AO: take your cursor immediately away from it
AO: Right then...

==>

Quote :

AO: And here is the Upper Floor.
AO: I'll look down the flight of stairs to give a figure of direction.
AO: Behind me is another bathroom in the event that the newspaper isn't here and there are too many spiders in the main one downstairs.
AO: To my right is the Suspiciously Useless Loft.
AO: … Well it has a nice looking window on the flat part of the wall, but other than that there's nothing in it. I suppose that would be a fine place for the Totem Lathe.
AO: To my left is my own, personalized Room.
AO: Aaaand that's about it for my house.
AO: Oh yeah and there was the Dusty Closet in the hall between the bathroom and the kitchen. I don't venture into it. I suggest you don't as well.
AO: Now that the tour is done, I shall inform you that during my experience of servering Mata, I have gained some insight as to the works of this game. Or at least the beginning.
AO: I say that the next step in the preparations is for me to answer any question you might have.

((I don't know if you guys are still up for this, but I'm gonna stop acting petulant and just post a response to this massive fucking thing.

Hopefully I didn't kill this))

>Respond to comments

What comments?

You clearly haven't received any OH HOLY HELL WHY IS YOUR PHONE GOING INSANE

It would appear that while you were busy strifing with your father and securing permission to use the computer despite your use prior to receiving permission someone let off a massive rant.

It's really rather unfortunate your Father forced you to take off your infinitely sweet helmet, or you would have heard all this as it came.

>Respond

Quote :

CW: Okay, just a quick notice
CW: there is literally no way I'm wasting time reading all of that.
CW: gimme a sec...
CW: There appears to be a large empty space in your attic. I'm putting everything there.
CW: Okay, done. It's all up there. Grab what you plan to throw in the kernel and I'll bust open the Cruxtruder
CW: I feel the need to reiterate my opinion that this game has some of the worst words for anything ever.