Selfstuck OOC (>THREAD 2)

...that's what it looks like to you but to everyone else you're the guy knocking everything off the table as you lean over it and there is ranch dressing everywhere and you won't stop laughing and people get scared and they try to escort you out but you stab the first man with a fork out of shock as you feel his large hand rest firmly on your shoulder. They all stand back while you continue to try and feed her the salad. The dressing that used to coat it is now a unholy mixture of blood and Hidden Valley Ranch. The police arrive shortly after at signs of distress, ready to take down a dangerous individual if the need occurs.

A brave man walks up to you and asks you politely to leave and avoid a confrontation before it gets nasty. You push him back and tell him that he's just jealous of what you have. That he's just trying to hurt you. To hurt her. There's no way in hell you're letting anyone take your aradiaplush. No sirree, not today they won't. Not on your watch. You'll stab a thousand men with your trusty hiddenvalleyfork and a thousand more after that if they do not relent.

The rest seemed to blur together. The cops flooded into the quickly deserted restaurant that only a few employees have to stayed to occupy. You weren't sure what came first, the shouting voices or the man that grabbed you from the red leather booth. A swift flick of a wrist brought him down, ranch seeping from two of the four puncture wounds on his neck.

Next thing you knew, you were ten feet from the door, Aradia(plush) at your side. There was women screaming. God was she screaming a lot. It was practically unbearable. The police officer's partner had called for backup it seems. You could hear the soft hum of sirens in the distance as you opened the door and stepped out into the cool crisp air that just seemed to have something off.

Shouts from all directions pounded at your ears. With only protecting your women(plush) on your mind, you leap over the small fence bordering the outside with a running start before cutting into the alleyway on your right.

In your left hand, her. In your right, the only friend you could trust right now/a fucking fork. The sirens had gotten louder you had to move quickly. Someone was bound to have seen you go this way. They may have numbers, but your wits were sharper than ever. You could take on the world it felt. Y'know like a globe or something.

Hotwiring a vehicle was something you considered first. You had seen it in movies it couldn't be that hard. There wasn't much hope of getting back to your [insert vehicle name her] that was at the restaurant. At the end of the alley was, god bless, a white, windowless van, missing it's license plates. Wow someone should really put those back on. Maybe when you were done doing important shit (yo) you could make the owner some out of cardboard. Of course they would understand the situation. May even feel proud that they could help you get away from some very bad people.

Years of crappy films prepared you for what came next. An elbow to the window to shatter the glass. It hurt terribly compared to what you had seen, but was well worth it. Unlocking the door and climbing in came next. You did hotwire shit and then car.

Slowly yet firmly, you pull out of the dusty alley (innuendo) and roll out onto the recently repaved asphalt road. You think asphalt's a funny word. Ass-fault. And a fault's like a crack or break or something. Ho ho ho you should be a comedian 'cause thass some funny shit.

Minutes later you, don't know how, there was a police car after you. He didn't seem to know who you were, but you seemed to have gotten his attention with the lack of license plates. Shit you should have chosen something else.

Seeing no point in further suspicion, you decelerate to a stop. It appears not everyone was looking for you yet. The cop leaves his vehicle and walks toward your van. He leans uncomfortably close to you on the window frame. Your unsavory appearance must have unnerved him, but it seems he kept his thoughts on his job. Then he noticed it, it seems.

In one hand his head, holding it close, in the other, fork. Fucking ranch everywhere. The blood poured everywhere. You still remember the details to this day.

That was four years ago. It haunts your mind that such disaster almost befell you and your sweet. But now. Now you are truly safe. You never travel farther than you need to, and have rationed supplies. You have begun a wonderful life in the snowy mountains of [state]. It's perfect now. Now everyone will be happy.

end I'm so sorry guys why did I