Dimensional clash V: The Blood God's Wrath; Act VI: Dawn of War

Siege Towers; Phoenix Wright

>Phoenix: Be the Ishmael. Focus on unfocused characters.

I watched with dread as countless Woe Machines, Siege Weapons, and Ing Possessed Destroyers made their ascent up the walls. As I dashed along the ramparts, using the Orange Sun's light to blast off the enemies below me, I couldn't get all of the enemies along the walls, allowing for a few to breach through the windows. Thankfully many of them were taken out by other prepared allies, but I was of hopes that it would never have come to second-line defenses.

The battle was alive with the hearts and wills of many Champions. I watched as Arceus galloped across enemy lines, into crowds of countless Ing and the Ing-Possessed, incinerating all of them with brilliant, holy light, only to seemingly teleport back to our side of the lines to repeat the process, or someti es stay behind to cast her healing powers upon several large groups.

I turned around to enter the walls, but just as I was about to head in, I noticed that GLaDOS, having transformed into the Aperture Facilities and based in the center of Theed, had extended by placing strong, mechanized limbs against the walls, acting as supports. As well, she also acted as a depot for ammo, having seemingly endless supplies of all kinds of projectiles. Finally, she then extended another limb, this one with a tube at the end of it, and placed millions of sentry turrets along the ramparts, allowing them to gun down a grand amount of the enemies on the walls.

Having entered the walls to find any lucky Destroyers who may have entered, I saw Bentley peering out of a window, a modified laptop in one hand, high powered binoculars in the other, and a wicked grin on his face. If I remember correctly, he was in contact with many of the artillerymen, being one of the lookouts for areas for specific firepower. After some moments of surveillance, the turtle quickly flipped open his laptop, and input some messages over to many of the artillery forces. After some tense moments, explosions rang out across the battlefield, and several Destroyer footmen were burnt to ashes. I also noticed several large, Aperture-logo-bearing boxes landing, at which point opening and revealing their contents: hordes of Sentry Turrets, all acquiring their targets and gunning down even more Destroyers.

However, as I walked once more upon the ramparts, I looked down to notice Corobo, the young king, leading the many soldiers with surprising proficiency and amazing leadership. His voice was not loud, but yet it seemed to ring across the entire battlefield. Some of the disloyal Destroyer mooks quickly snuck over to the other side to join Corobo's army, and many other soldiers stopped immediately what they were doing to obey any task the young king set them too. It was why many vehicles and siege weapons didn't last long: with a point of the young king's sword/scepter, countless red shirts would immediately turn their weapons to destroying the enemy devices, not caring what harm it would do to themselves.

I sighed, sitting down upon a nearby chair. Immediate vanished, Cthulhu was off aiding Yog-Sothoth, Flandre was nowhere to be seen... we could use all the help we can get.

And now for dark gory stuff.

While the Champions were busy beating up Destroyers, Mario's brother Luigi was being interrogated. The blue-eyed, green-clad plumber looked in fear at the face of Lord Shen. "I will ask you again," the peacock hissed. "What do you know about the Mushroom Kingdom uprising?"

"I don't-a know!" Luigi cried, his face contorting into a visage of pain. He was covered with cuts and bruises. His overalls were torn. His musrache drooped like a weeping willow, and tears mixed with blood from his nose. "They-a never told me any---"

Lord Shen slapped the plumber. Luigi crumpled to the ground, and Shen spat on him.

"One more try..." Shen threatened, raising his talons, "then it's game over for you."

Luigi had curled into a ball. "I told-a you! All I know is that-a Peach's Castle was-a saved---" Shen lifted his wing. Luigi quickly said, "Er, attacked, by-a some big creature that-a got rid of-a Thanatos!"

Shen slashed Luigi. The plumber completely broke down. "Waaa-ha-ha! Where's-a Mario?!" Luigi wailed.

"Your brother will be unable to save you when our special forces get to him..." Shen said evilly. "I would kill you now, but I'd rather you watch your brother's demise... And perhaps, ah, your special one, too."

Luigi's eyes widened. "N-no! You can't-a kill Daisy, too!" Luigi narrowed his eyes. "My brother will-a defeat you. Your faction ain't-a gonna win, or my name ain't Luigi!"

Shen turned to face him. "Well, you had better get your paperwork ready, then," he hissed. Zorbak snickered and waved his staff. A viewport materialized in front of Luigi.

"Marioooooo!" Luigi cried.

Daisy: Kick some trainis in the hainis.

What does that even mean?!

At the top battlement where Toad, Mario, Kate, and I were standing, we were overlooking the armies beating each other up. "Wow," was all I could say. "Just... Wow."

Toad looked at me. "Crazy, huh?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I guess. Though using a cement mixer was pretty clever," I replied.

Suddenly, the air began to ripple. "What's going on?" asked Kate.

All of a sudden, we were bathed in a shower of gold and magenta. A small locomotive chugged into sight.

"Ha ha... You are all they sent to defend against me?" she asked.

"Um, quite frankly," Kate said, "we were just here when you decided to make a grand appearance. Who are you, anyway?"

Mario glared. He sensed af fight. Long cutscenes like this were always a sign of a fight.

"Once I was the Lady of the railroad," said the locomotive. "But I have realized who I truly am meant to be!!!"

With that, her face began to morph, metal lets expanding from the sides of her firebox, extending above and in front of her. Her face spun in a circle, and smoke billowed from her smoke stack.

"I am Track Arachnis!" snarled the train. "And I will be your--"

"Our doom, blahblahblah, we'll never defeat you, blah blah, you are going to murder us violently and graphically and as well as a YouTube villain will. Haven't we always heard this speech before, like, when actually difficult villains tried to kill us? I'm pretty sure even stupid ol' Glass Joe would be harder to beat than you," Toad interrupted, breaking the fourth wall.

"You know, Toad, you have got to stop breaking the fourth wall," I chided.

Track Arachnis screeched a terrifying(ly annoying) screech. Then she raised her rear legs into the air and they began to crackle with electricity. "HIT THE DIRT!!!" I shouted.

"That's my line!" Toad whined, doing as I said. The electricity split the ground between the four of us. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm just about sick of everyone we meet trying to kill us!" Toad shouted.

"Fear not, fellow champion!" Pyrrhon boasted, coming in a column of fire and attacking Track Arachnis. "Pyrrhon is here to rescue you!"

He blasted fire at Track Arachnis. "Return from hence you came, terrible demon! For the mighty Pyrrhon is here to execrate you from the memory of the---"

Track Arachnis absorbed the fire and erupted in flames, opening her mouth and spraying a jet of fire at Pyrrhon.

"Ack! Uh... Pyrrhon gives you his greatest support?" said Pyrrhon, a lot less confident than he previously was. Track Arachnis blasted electricity at Pyrrhon. "Ahh! Pyrrhon is out of here!"

"Great! Now we've got a flaming spider train on our hands!" I groaned, throwing my hands up in the air.




Track Arachnis fired a ball of dark energy at Toad, which Mario deflected with his Cape Feather. Then he took to the air, spreading his arms and letting the cape float him upward. Meanwhile, Track Arachnis breathed fire at me. I raised a wall of crystals that deflected most of the heat. It was still pretty hot back here, so I had to grab a bottle of Volvic and chug it down.

"I can't get a hit on her! She's too hot!" Toad complained. "And not in the good-looking way!"

"Ha! Didja hear that? Toad thinks you're ugly!" I taunted.

That did nothing to help us. If anything, it only made the flames hotter. The train began to rise into the air, dark magic crackling around her. "Aw, what? She gets dark magic? That's not fair! Why does EVERYBODY have to have dark magic nowadays?" I whined.


"Now's the time for magic, for darkness and for strife. Now's the time to sap from you all your life!" Track Arachnis hissed, raising her rear legs into the air and creating a ball of dark energy. Black thunderbolts arced around, creating deadly columns of energy. Toad was struck and he was knocked into a wall. His eyes began to spin around. He shook his head.

"Oh, you're SO going down!" he shouted. He hefted a giant version of his party hammer, emblazoned with a star. "This thing's fireproof!" He swung at Track Arachnis, blasting her faceplate and cracking it across her eye. "And that's for tryin' to zap me with your balls!" He swung again, but this time Track Arachnis anticipated it and bashed him with her leg. I heard an unpleasant CRACK!

"EEEEYAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Toad screamed. "MY RIBS! MY !?%$@# RIBS!!!" Toad began to shout profanity that I won't dare to repeat here, for the sake of the children.

"Toad, you'll be OK!" Kate shouted.

"MY RIBS! THEY PROTECT MY LUNGS!!!!" Toad screeched.

"I think we'd better get him to the infirmary," Kate said, picking him up and carrying him downstairs.

"Okay, it's me, Mario, and this psychotic pile of pneumatics," I muttered.

Mario had taken to the air and was blasting snowballs at Track Arachnis, attempting to douse the flames. However, the boiler fire kept Track Arachnis's flames going. "Shouldn't she burn out?" I asked.

"This is a work of-a fiction!" Mario said. "It's-a not supposed to make sense!"

"That made no sense whatsoever," I said.

"JUST-A FIGHT!"

I did. I hurled crystals into the air and kicked them toward Track Arachnis, aiming for her legs. However, the spider-bot bashed them back at me, forcing me to duck out of the way. Then she breathed fire on me, setting my dress on fire. "AHH! Stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!" I screamed, hurling myself on the ground and rolling about in panic. Track Arachnis skittered toward me and leaped into the air.

Lightning flashed. Track Arachnis was illuminated from the behind... not that it made much difference. "Now, you die!" Track Arachnis snarled, raising her foreleg and spinning it like a drill.

Now, death isn't something I'd enjoy (I have to appear in future Mario sports games, you know!) and I was glad when it didn't come.

You know how I said that lightning flashed? Well, in the midst of that lightning flash was that girl who had electric powers or something. What was her name? Phosphorus? Phospholipid?

Wait, got it! Phosphora!

Track Arachnis was blown back when a thunderbolt zapped her. "Whoa!" I said, jumping back. The electricity almost fried me.

Phosphora looked to be in her late teens (and sure acted that way, what with her body language and all). Her blond hair curled to the sides like it was fried by a thunderbolt (well, she IS a thunderbolt) and a vine curled up her leg, into her bosom, and out onto her left arm. She was dressed in a rather skimpy outfit: a white toga-type thing (I wouldn't call it one because it exposed her midriff), and a really short skirt. She had brown sports tape on her arms, and on her legs, too, and she wore Greek-style sandals. Her most prominent feature was her blue scarf, which crackled with electricity.

"Wait, why is she helping us? Last I checked, she was trying to blow up the Whomp King!" I cried.

"She's not doing this for you," Viridi's voice rang in my head. "You know, some of you Champions are horrible to nature, cutting down trees, harvesting rocks, and even PUTTING GREENHOUSE GASES in the air with your GO KARTS!" Viridi said those last words with particular emphasis.

"Okay, okay! Geez, we'll switch to hybrid Mario Karts," I grumbled.

"Who-a you talkin' to?" asked Mario.

"Don't ask," I said. Then I turned my attention to Viridi. "Why are you helping us, if you hate us so much?"

"Because the Destroyers are even worse! They have no respect for nature. If they walk past a flower in a field, they would go back just to stomp it!" Viridi said. "And that's not to say all of the dogs they breed just for kicking! And look at that fire hazard of a machine that the Destroyers have got on their side!"

"You know what, just let Phosphora beat up Track Arachnis, we'll talk later," I said, shutting her off.

"You can't---"

I stopped listening.

Phosphora dropped another thunderbolt on Track Arachnis. The train hissed at her and breathed black flames at the goddess of lightning. Phosphora dove out of the way and zapped Arachnis's legs. The armor blasted off of them. "That ought to fry her circuits!" she shouted.

"She's already been fried!" I yelled back. "If anything, she's doing the frying."

"Don't think about it too hard!"

I raised more crystals and blasted them at Track Arachnis's legs. Her right leg raised to deflect the crystals, but the rocks shattered through the spindly metal of the robot's legs. Track Arachnis screeched in pain.

"HA! Did you see that thunder?" I bragged.

"No, because you can't SEE thunder!" Phosphora yelled.

Appropriate listening:

Colonel Fordo hit the deck as a Siegecracker rolled up to the first curtain wall and virtually washed the area with a rain of grenades, flamethrower jets, chemical sprays, and a variety of other weapons that quite simply did not give a crap about cover, no less than two hundred clone troopers he was sharing the wall with were killed instantly, leaving only him, as the rest of the Muunilist 10 were on the second line of defense.

But as he stood up, he heard a horrible, bestial shrieking come from the tower. Out from the tower poured out a host of ing possessed Space Pirates, the black and spined beings letting loose feral roars as they unleashed a storm of quantum assault cannon blasts, sending hundreds of yellow bolts down range.

Using the power of the force granted to him by his ascension, the ARC trooper launched about a dozen of the pirates off of the wall with a massive telekinetic thrust, sending them plummeting thousands of feet to their deaths before whipping out his twin heavy hotshot hellblaster pistols and began firing at full clip, sending a storm of blue bolts that cracked as they were spat out of the fat barrels of his guns.

Immediately, three pirates fell to the ground, the bright explosions decimating their possessors and ripping apart their bodies, but they kept on coming. One trooper, with a shimmering, transluscent orange energy field that deflected the incoming blaster bolts, pointed it's pincer at him and started firing away with it's yellow bolts, forcing Fordo to duck to the left to avoid the storm of death.

Taking out a long, curved scimitar that seemed to be impossibly silvered and polished, Fordo focused his force and psyker energy through the blade, a force blade, to attempt to tune himself with the blade to allow him to use it's abilities to rip the souls from the bodies of those it hit if they failed to resist it, and even then the sword was even more formadible at cutting than a lightsaber or power sword with it's psychic and mundane energy field.

The smoking psychic blade in his right hand, Fordo threw a series of grenades from his belt that blew apart several space pirates and forced the rest to disperse. Using this opportunity, Fordo charged, firing his pistol from his left hand, quickly gunning down one armoured space pirate as the bolts blew apart and pierced it's armour and clipping another on it's left shoulder, causing it to jerk backwards before another bolt was planted in it's chest cavity and blasted the foul thing off of the wall altogether, where it flailed and roared all the way to it's death kilometers below.

Finally within range, he swung his scimitar in a long arc, decapitating one space pirate who slumped to the ground, spasming and crackling with residual arcs of psychic and matter disrupting energy. Stepping over the body, Fordo pistolwhipped an utraghian militia pirate in the face, breaking the thing's nose in a spatter of blood before jabbing his force sword into it's shin, sending lethal psychic energy coursing through it and ripping the thing's soul from it's body, causing the creature to instantly die despite the nonlethal location of the wound.

The space pirates bayed and howled, seemingly free of fear, and despite Fordo's status as a champion, he was unlikely to deal with them all. Still, if he was going to die, he was going to go out in a blaze of glory. Shooting a ing possessed space pirate millitiaman in the face, blasting apart it's head into a cloud of steaming offal, he swung around and chopped off the right arm of a Zebesian cyborg pirate, who fell to the ground shrieking as it's soul was cleaved from it's body.

A slash from a Aetherian Pirate's pincer cut across his chest plate, sending him reeling backwards before repaying the dark pirate with three shots to it's chest, blasting out much of it's organs out it's back. But the thing refused to fall, and it made another charging lunge at him, only falling when Fordo had blown it's head into smoking pieces with a burst from his pistol.

A bite into his shoulder caused him to grunt before he turned his blade around and impaled it into the gut of the offending pirate, causing it's eyes and brain to explode out of it's head through it's sockets and mouth, followed by most of it's organs as the colossal amount of psychic energy simply tore through it and overloaded it's body. But there were still hundreds if not thousands of space pirates coming for him. Death was assured...

A baying assault trooper snarled at him as it charged forward at him, but then the entire line of space pirates was incinerated by an enormous flaming hypersonic projectile, two in fact. For a brief moment, Fordo was blinded and deafened by the impact, but when he could see again, he could see Optimus gunning down the remainder with his massive gatling cannon. "Thanks old friend." Fordo breathed out, to which Optimus nodded.

"There are still many portions of the wall that need to be defended, we must move out if we are to hold them." He responded as he took off into the air, chasing after a wing of Chaos Hell Talons with his impressive arsenal while Fordo footslogged out to another portion of the wall.

Defensive Lines; Phoenix

I watched with a grimace as many walls were tumbling downwards, Destroyers starting to breach ever closer. Amidst the hurried shouts of Champions, the wrathful screechs of the Destroyer forces, the whirring of the many machines, and the countless ringing chirps of, "Target: Acquired~," I could hardly hear my own thoughts. It was only a matter of time before they get lucky and shatter our defense completely.

As I made my way towards the rear of the walls and reroute for another walk within the defenses, I soon saw a young woman, around the age of 18, wearing an absolutely enormous longcoat, making her way towards me, looking to have been pointed my way. I stopped and noticed her calling out to me for an audience. The only problem, however, was that I quickly noticed that she was speaking in German.

Please don’t be another ‘Prodigy Lawyer, please don’t be another ‘Prodigy Lawyer’, please don’t be another ‘Prodigy Lawyer’.

As soon as she got within a normal speaking distance, I quickly went for a handshake, while still stealthily concealing one of the Champions’ more important serums between my fingers. As soon as I greeted her and noticing that she seemed befuddled by my strange language, I quickly pushed the tiny syringe into her hand. I was then met with a yelp and the expectation of some form of contact, most likely a slap. Instead, I found myself quickly falling down to the ground, having been uppercut by a wrench that she seemed to be carrying.

“Well that’s just great!” She growled, now in plain English with remnants of her accent, and with her boot on my head, “Why is it that everywhere I go, there’s always someone trying to inject me with some kind of poison?”

I piped up, “Agh, please calm down. That wasn’t poison.”

“I swear, if I had a- wait a minute. How am I understanding you now?”

I noticed her foot moving off of my head, at which point I got back on my feet. ”That was a Universal Translator. Not perfect, but it does help. Anyways, I’m Phoenix Wright. And you are?”

“Agatha Heterodyne.” She said, proceeding to glance around at the scenery. “So, where are we, what are we doing, who are these people… Say, what with all your calmness, I bet you get this often, don’t you?”

I was about to object, when I realized that this IS routine. Wow, I’ve been here a while. ”Yup. But yeah,” I proceeded to give her the whole speech on the Omniverse and Dimensional Clashes, ”And after that, here we are.”

She had her chin in her hand, her eyes down and thinking. “I suppose about a sizable chunk of everyone that comes to you is also quite incredulous, until they start to see that you were right all along.” To this I nodded. “Well then, I probably shouldn’t make that mistake, now should I. Anyways, what needs to be done and how can I help?”

”Well, depends on what your talents on. There’s basically a need for everything, and if there isn’t one at first, trust me, there will be.”

I noticed that her eyes were beaming at the line of Aperture Sentry Turrets standing (and many falling) upon the front walls. “Say… I think I can fix some of those.”

She quickly dashed over to the turret line, with me following in pursuit in what she had in mine. She quickly took three of the fallen turrets away from the line of fire, cracking them open and observing the complex insides. She eventually laughed, “Ha! This is simple. Say, mister Wright, can you get me a hammer, a knife, and perhaps-“

In a flash of energy, I warped the various required materials by the apparent mechanic’s side as she called for them, and watched with slight awe as she worked almost mechanically on the bot, grabbing the item without even looking and doing whatever she wanted with it, somehow forcing the machine to bend to her will. After she was finished, she held up her new device, revealing it to be a small, oddly-shaped gun-looking device.

“Now let’s test and see if this Death Ray works.”

And without an indication, she quickly spun around and shot into the battlefield, releasing a small bolt of energy over to the other side. Our eyes followed it, and when it landed on the Destroyer’s field, it erupted with a near deafening bang, leaving a very sizable crater where the enemy once stood.

“Needs work, but I can make improvements on the next one!”

With that, she quickly set to work on the second turret, audibly mumbling, “These are small turrets, so dual wielding is my best bet until I work on some fusion.” Finally, after a short time, she had rearranged the turret into another Death Ray, although this one looked slightly different from the previous one.

Finally she moved onto the final turret. “Alright, now to actually repair this one.” She thought out loud, opening the turret and examining her options. “Yeah… let’s see… we can reroute this hear… maybe a bit of this hear… ooh, move that over to that… make some tweaks to the voice box (because who cares for subtlety)… you know what, let’s just completely change that… mold the bullets into an alloy… now place that… add this to reduce some of the labor… PERFECT!”

She grabbed the newly formed turret, grinning wildly at her work. She snuck up to the front lines, quickly flicked a small switch, and held the newly formed turret out to observe the advancing enemy. The eye flicked on, and the machine let out a small chirp of, “Target: Acquired~.”

However, as it did so, a change came over it. The legs retracted to form blades at the top of the head, with which it started to fly. Its exterior expanded to reveal plenty of new forms of weapons it wielded. Finally, after this had taken place, the shrill voice rang out again, only this time giving a resounding cry of an oh-so familiar battle call. ”EXTERMINATE!!”

Suddenly, all the turrets began to undergo the same change almost remotely, their exteriors closing then reopening to reveal new weapons, gaining properties of flight with the lack of legs. Soon, all the turrets were chanting for the extermination of the Destroyers. And finally, after all the turrets along the walls had undergone the mutation, they rode into the fray, unleashing an absolute shower of bullets, lasers, and all matter of different projectiles into the Destroyer lines, all scattering about and giving the resounding war cry of ”EX-TERM-I-NATE!!!”

I was quite impressed.

Toad: Get that rib fixed.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! MY RIB! MY !?$@# RIB! AAAAAAHHHH!!!! IT HURTS SO BADLY! AAAAAUGH!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! STUPID TRAIN! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! OWWWW!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! OW!!!! AAAAGH! DAG IT NABBIT DABIT NAGIT DOGGONE !?%$@#! %!@#$?%^ !@%@#$%!@?$--

Daisy: Continue the fight.

Now that Phosphora's busy electrocuting Track Arachnis's legs, we can finally do something about her. But those flames have got to go.

Um... I wasn't exactly sure how to do that, though. Darn it...

Mario bounced off a tower and flung a snowball at Arachnis, while Phosphora flew around and zapped one of the metal spider legs. The armor cover blasted off, and I threw a crystal at it, smashing it through the joint and demolishing the metal. Gears and grommets flew everywhere. Phosphora circled around Track Arachnis before raising her arms. Thunder boomed, and the largest lightning bolt I've ever seen crashed down on the tower roof. Electricity crackled around it, and the giant column of electricity curled around the expanse chasing after Track Arachnis. The spider-bot tripped on her missing legs and crashed to the ground, while the electrical column blasted her.

Sparks flew. I shielded my eyes. The light died down.

When I looked, I saw that the fire was gone. In its place were purple thunderbolts, zapping around Track Arachnis's metallic frame. Track Arachnis jumped up and bashed Phosphora to the ground. The goddess shrieked as blue sparks flew in her scarf.

"I may be a scary spider, and my methods may be shady, But now you know that friend or foe you'd never hit a... lady?"

BOOM!

That was a cannon from Opthomas Prime. The blue 'bot had climbed up to us when he heard the noise. "No more rhymes," boomed the robot.

Phosphora twitched on the ground. I focused on Viridi, listening for her voice. "Darn it! There goes my commander!" Viridi raged.

"Oh, it looks like lights-out for Phosphora," I said.

"Shaddup!"

Phosphora's body began to glow as Viridi brought her commander back to wherever she was.

Meanwhile, Opthomas cocked his gun and a cartridge popped out, bouncing on the ground and rolling to a tower. Track Arachnis was badly broken, with rips and holes in her metal hide, gears and wheels twitching, and smoke burping out of her stack at irregular intervals. Track Arachnis hacked and coughed, spitting out dimly glowing coals on the floor that quickly died out.

"Urhhhh," moaned Track Arachnis, attempting to transform back into train form, but her body was so broken there wasn't all that much of a difference.

Mario threw a fireball at her and she tipped over with a crash.

Opthomas then kicked her off the edge.

"They're going to have a heck of a time patching her up, that's for sure!" Opthomas gloated.

Mario heard the screams of Toad. "Oh, I think-a I'd-a better check that," he said, rushing down the stairs.

Toad: Get fixed up.

EEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh hi, Mario! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

Mario put on his stethoscope and changed his gloves. He slipped a surgeon's mask on and put on his doctor's coat. Then he snapped a doctor's light on his forehead. "Doctor Mario in-a the house," he said. "What's-a the situation?"

"MY RIBCAGE!" I screamed.

"I'm-a gonna anesthesize you," Mario said to me. He instructed me to drink some Sleepy Sheep milk. I had trouble with it, seeing that my ribcage was SMASHED to PIECES!!!

"Now. Count-a to ten."

"Okay. One, two, three," I counted, my voice becoming more and more monotonous as I counted, "four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, nine-and-a-half, nine-and-three-quarters, nine-and-fourteen-sixteenths---"

Zzzzzz...

"Scalpel!" Dr. Mario said. Peach slapped the instrument into his glove. Mario cut Toad's chest open and revealed his lungs and ribcage, which was smashed in places. "Oh, this-a gonna be hard."

Mario was in a sterile surgical room with little to no particulates in the air that could infect Toad and kill him. Mario switched on his light and looked at the pieces.

"How are you going to do this?" asked Peach.

"Tools, skill, and a whole lot of-a duct tape," Mario replied. "Actually, no duct tape. I'm-a kidding about duct tape."

"Are you up to this? You haven't done any doctoring in a few years."

"Ah, don't-a worry. Fixin' bodies is-a like plumbing. The pipes are just smaller. Suture!"

Peach handed Mario a sewing needle. Mario went to Toad's vest and patched up the holes.

"Pills!"

Peach gave Mario the pills. Mario dropped them in Toad's drooling mouth.

"That'll keep away the viruses. Now... Glue!"

Peach held up three bottles. "Wood, craft, or surgical?"

"Eh... that's-a hard. Which one's-a the best?"

"Wood?"

"Surgical," Mario said, taking the third bottle. He stuck Toad's rib bones together, applying layers of glue and leaving them to dry.

"Now..." Mario pulled out a giant blue-and-yellow pill. "This is for--"

"You're going to make him swallow THAT?" Peach cried.

"Nah, it's a suppository," Mario replied, throwing the pill over his shoulder. A cat yowled.

Mario continued to glue pieces together. Kate walked in. "How's Toad?" she asked.

"Ah, I think Toad's-a gonna be---"

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!

Mario yelled. "AHHHH!!!!"

Kate cried out. "HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!"

Peach was laughing. The normal blips of the heart rate monitor had returned. Peach held up a button. "I do this to Mario all the time. It's hilarious!" she giggled.

"How many times do I have-a to tell you NOT to do that?!" Mario shouted.

"Hey, he's really going to be dead if you don't keep up with the surgery," Peach replied.

"So he's doing fine?" asked Kate.

"Yep."

Mario continued to work, humming "Dr. Mario" while he glued ribs together. He reconnected the fragments of bone, stopping to sterilize Toad's guts every few seconds. Toad muttered something in his sleep about paper, blue shells, and puzzle games.

"Okay! Done!" Mario said, after a couple hours of fitting and puzzling. Peach wiped the sweat off Mario's forehead. "Now, we gotta sew 'im back together! Other needle!"

Peach handed him a clean needle and surgical thread. Toad's chest was closed up.

"Wait for it..."

Thirty minutes later, the wound had begun to heal. "Okay! I think we're done here," Mario said, whipping off his gloves, washing his hands, and slipping on his plumbing gloves. He changed out of his doctor's suit and said to Peach: "Bucket of-a ice water!"

Toad: Wake up.

KER-SPLASH!!!!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!" I screamed. "BBBBLLLBBBB!!!! AHG!!! Oh, I'm okay," I observed. "What was that for? You could've given me a cold!"

"Actually," Mario replied, "I gave-a you a pill to keep-a you from getting a cold."

"Oh, OK."

"Toad, you're-a going to be alright, but I want-a you to rest for a while, OK? Don't-a go beating things up yet."

"All right! No more getting hurled into walls for me, I'm playing Mario Kart."

I pulled my Nintendo 3DS from my pocket, flopped on my cot, and began to play.

"You didn't leave anything in there, did you?" asked Peach.

Mario's eyes widened. "Toad..."

Destroyer Siege Base



Her Imperious Condescension snarled with naught but anger and malice as reports quickly rolled in, discerning how the Champions’ efforts had managed to keep the siege walls standing. The reports were coming in faster than they could be read, and soon the empress stepped forth to observe the battle, seeing exactly what was happening to cause this destruction.

She was met with a sight of carnage, watching as bombardment after bombardment took place, decimating entire armies. The only unfortunate part about this was that it was the Destroyers on the receiving end of this attack. Her gaze traveled even further to the walls, where the Woe Machines were stopped in their tracks by several different means, be it bright, orange light, to entire loads of cement literally stopping them in their tracks.

Rage was plain on her odious visage as the Champions continually dared to cross their borders and strike closer to the heart of the horde. She glared as a couple of Destroyers manage to enter the walls, but it was not enough to make up for the losses. Air strikes were frequent, obliterating clustered units, and several bits of the ranks were trimmed from life by a twisted mockery of the Daleks.

Slowly, the forces of the First Wave began to thin. The endless supply of mooks had stopped, and the first attempt was on its last legs. Soon the forces on land became countable, and were soon absolutely swamped by the Champions.

As her gaze ascended, so too did the gazes of other Destroyers, as they watched as one lucky Dersite soldier, seemingly the last of the First Wave, managed to sneak past the many defenses, and had now climbed upon the wall, the small-yet-powerful, wall-shattering bomb in his hand.

However, before it could be planted, a man in suit had ran forward to the Dersite, and with a blinding flash of Orange that caused the Ings to writhe in pain, the man kicked the Dersite, sending it flying over the walls, and with enough force to send it spiraling into the ground safely over to the few medical wards of the Destroyers.

The First Wave, to say the least, was not a success.

The empress of Trolls cursed the Champions’ name, swearing that the rubble of Theed shall be their tomb. As she returned to her perch to rally the Second Wave, she soon came to terms with what exactly she was dealing with. She had previously believed that this was only a small fraction of the Champions whom were sent to protect Theed. She had clearly mistaken: it was the entire Champion group she was doing battle with.

From her perch she watched as the Greater Daemons and Daemon Princes riled and cheered as the last of the First Wave had been defeated, signaling that they were now to be sent out to slaughter the Champions.

The Condesce, a wicked grin on her face, watched as the Daemons prepared for the killing of the Champions. She knew that there would only be a slight chance for the Champions to prevail through the Second Wave, and in the off chance that they did, then she always had her Ace Card, the Third Wave.

MEANWHILE...

TIME: Civil War LOCATION: Gettysburg

Mass bloodshed. Cannons firing. Ears ringing with the sounds of guns.

This was the Civil War. Confederates and Unions were duking it out at Gettysburg, where Lincoln was soon to give his Gettysburg Address. Metal flashed. Shots rang through the air. It was total chaos.

It was also an opportunity for the Powers that Be to swipe both the armies and plop them in Theed.

One soldier disappeared as a Confederate was about to sock him in the face. Then the Confederate dissolved in a shower of dust. More and more soldiers began to disappear, until it looked like two people were having a fistfight. Then the two remaining soldiers were gone.

MEANWHILE...

TIME: Post-Revolutionary War LOCATION: Mt. Vernon

George Washington sat in his chair, thinking about the Revolution. America had won its freedom, and was now its own country. What next, pondered Washington?

As President of the United States, George Washington approved all the decisions and ran the thirteen colonies that now made up a country. The fighting was over. He was a politician now. He never would have dreamed that he would be a general again, doing deeds as brave as crossing the frozen Delaware.

Little did he know that he was to lead two armies in due time. "Martha, I am going out," said Washington, opening the door and shutting it behind him. Down the dirt road he walked. A couple sitting on a bench was reading Poor Richard's Almanack.

However, Washington began to feel light-headed. The world seemed to start spinning around him. "What in the--" Washington began.

All of a sudden, he was surrounded by sights he had never seen before. Horseless carriages with wheels lined with rubber. Large guns mounted on machines that seemed to be wearing sideways belts. Metal boxes that had a smooth surface on one end and displayed flashing lights that changed their displays and messages every once in a while. Washington looked into the sky and saw dark shapes streaking across, before they molded into humanoid forms and blasted two more dark shapes out of the sky.

"Where am I? This is not the United States of America!"

Kate: Meet George.

What a sight to see. In front of me was America's first president, George Washington. I was in shock. Wasn't he dead?

"Aren't you the President?" I asked the man who looked like George Washington.

"Indeed," replied the man. "General George Washington, president of the United States of America--"

"I know," I replied. "You're in our history books."

"History books?" asked George. "I am in your schoolbooks and readers. That cannot be, I have only been President for about a year."

"Um, are you really George Washington, or someone who looks like him?"

Washington spat out his teeth.

"Okay," I said. Now I can tell you firsthand his teeth weren't really made of wood.

We stared at each other in awkward silence. "I've got a friend named George Washington. We call him Sticky because whatever he reads seems to stick."

"Hm? Could I meet this other George?" asked Washington.

"Oh, he's not here right now... You see, we were all plucked out of our original universes---"

"Now you are beginning to confuse me."

"Ah, I'll tell you later. Is it true that you chopped down your dad's cherry tree?"

Washington blinked.

"Never mind."

"What is with your strange garments?" asked George Washington, reaching over and pinching my T-shirt's sleeve. "I am sorry, I do not mean to be rude, but I have never seen clothing like yours."

"Um, this is a T-shirt," I said, "and my pants are jeans. They won't be invented for another one hundred years after your time."

"My... time?"

"Never mind. Oh, yeah, normally, people don't carry around a bucket, but I carry this around," I said. I was proud of my bucket, and was happy to show it off to the President. "It's got all sorts of nifty things. I've got a loop of rope, a pocketknife that bursts into flame, some marbles, a slingshot..."

I opened the bucket and showed George Washington. He seemed impressed. "Hmm. Practical. Maybe if the American troops had their own buckets..."

We heard some crashes and explosions. "What's going on?!" I cried.

We charged out and in the courtyard, we found a giant mass of blue, grey, and orange. "Ack! Union and Confederate soldiers!" I cried. "I read about them in my textbook, too!"

"'Confederate?'" asked Washington. "What is 'Confederate?'"

"Oh, they're like a part of America that broke off because of slaves," I replied.

"My, my, what a trivial reason to break off such a fine country."

"Wasn't so good back then. The President had to get involved."

"Preposterous. I have never seen soldiers like these."

"No, a later president. His name was Abraham Lincoln. After the Civil War, he was shot in the face." I scratched my head. "Or was it the back of his head?"

"Tragic," Washington said nervously.

Meta Knight flew down toward us. "Kate, we have a situ-- who is this?" he asked.

"George Washington, president of the United States," Washington said, recoiling slightly. "What is this creature?"

"Oh, his name's Meta Knight," I replied. "Don't worry. Knight don't bite."

"Kate, that is a horrible way to introduce me. I am so sorry for my friend's behavior. I am Sir Meta Knight, of Dream Land." Meta Knight extended his arm. "I am of a legendary organization called the Star Warriors, who soar through the galaxies and defend the innocent."

"Go on, take his hand," I whispered to Washington. The President had never shaken hands with one like Meta Knight before.

"Hmm. A pleasure, Sir Meta Knight," said Washington.

"Don't worry. You'll get used to it. There are stranger creatures out there," I said to the President.

As if on cue, Iron Giant (the Golurk) walked by without so much as turning its head.

"What is..."

"Don't ask," I replied. "For now, we gotta stop the Confederates and Unions!"

"You never told me what the Unions--"

"Normal Americans! Let's go!"

George and I ran to the balcony. It was total chaos. I ducked to avoid a cannonshot.

Iron Giant (the robot) clanked behind us. "Kaaa-ait?" asked the robot. "Whaaaaa?"

"Um, Giant, can you tell them to stop fighting?" I asked.

Iron Giant nodded his giant metal head and clanked up to the balcony. He stiffened, then let out an enormous bellow.

Now, the yell of a 50-foot-tall robot is enough to get the attention of all of Times Square. The two armies ceased fighting. A Union soldier gave a Confederate one last punch.

George Washington stepped up to the balcony.

"Is that...?"

"George Washington!"

"He's alive?"

"Can't be...?"

Murmurs began to roll across the courtyard. "Americans!" George Washington boomed. The soldiers whipped back around to face Washington. "You must cease your fighting immediately! The America I knew was not a split country, battling over such a matter as slavery. Look what your war has done to the country we worked so hard to establish." Several soldiers hung their heads in shame. "I encourage you to look upon each other as brothers... some of you may even be brothers, not just in arms, but in blood. There is no Confederate. There is no Union. There is only American," continued Washington. "If America is going to survive, you must reunite. Reform America. Rebuild, and re-establish!"

A wild cheer erupted. Of course they were going to listen to George Washington here.

Meta Knight stepped up, his eyes glowing green to signify the seriousness of the situation. "You must unite to defeat a common enemy!" Meta Knight shouted. "For the stability of the Omniverse, and of your country, depends on it! Embrace each others as comrades in arms, or as brothers, and rise up to defend liberty and all that your country is based upon!"

Meta Knight leaned to me. "How was that?" I gave him two thumbs up. Meta Knight's eyes turned light blue... he was pleased.

More cheers. "Long live the United States of America! Long (re)-live George Washington!"

I raised my hand toward George Washington. "You move to smite me?" asked Washington in surprise.

"Of course not! After all you did? Hey, don't leave me hanging!" I said.

Meta Knight whispered something to him, and Washington nodded. Then he returned the high-five. "Now that it has been explained, I think I do quite like this gesture," Washington said.

Hall of Origin; Werk

Eventually my shift had ended, and I was tasked with takeover of a few timelines within the Pokemon Metaverse. I had decided to undergo this mission on my lonesome, thinking it to be an ample exercise. It was a difficult trial to find a safe area to enter, as I found myself continually peering into realms where reality was horrifyingly mangled, and the occasional buzzing as though some entity was telling me to leave.

After finally finding a safe area far away from the distortion of those realms, I had begun the first timeline of my campaign. Eventually, after several a brutal slaughter and vicious burning, having hopped from timeline to timeline, I had deducted the process down to a pattern:

I would land in one of the ‘Regions’. Now, what with my memorization of the maps, I knew the route to my final destination wherever I landed. However, I made sure to prolong my route, making sure take any being I could find, and offer its skull to the Skull Throne. If it did not have a skull, then I simply ran the nearest body of water red with its blood.

Eventually, I would head to my final destination upon the PokeEarth: Sinnoh. I would circle around the region, until finally heading to its center, where I began my ascent and fulfilled my reason as to why Sinnoh is the final destination: Spear Pillar, the main gathering point and control center of all reality within the Timeline.

First I would take on the two beings the resided upon the main base, Palkia and Dialga, the representations of the Verse’s Space and Time respectively. Having slew them, I would then enter the realm’s Underworld, where I would do battle with Giratina, whose eldritch form has caused me vexation many times, though I would ultimately come out on top. After that, I would return, and with the three sources of life of the three, the Lustrous Orb, Adamant Orb, and Griseous Orb, I would ascend the celestial staircase, and enter the Hall of Origin, where I would fight the timeline’s version of Arceus.

Now, I had come to learn the general tactics and powers of the god of the Pokemon world from the version of it that I have fought with through the Keeper’s Tourney and the Khorne Tourney. It was the most difficult version of battles through my quest, but this was not the Champions Arceus that I have fought. No, this was but a copy, somehow not as important as the one I do battle with, and therefore, these beings are beatable. After I had destroyed the PokeEarth, the Underworld, and the Overworld of the realm, it would eventually collapse upon itself, while I escape into the next one. Simple as that.



Which was why, of course, when I began to do battle with the current, oddly-aura-bearing Arceus that I am fighting, I was genuinely surprised.

The heavenly hall trembled and shook with fury as the abomination began to arise. This Arceus seemed to have been mutated horribly: from the back of the natural body of a natural Arceus, standing battle-ready on the ground, there arose countless writhing, roaring heads towered high into the infinite abyss, bearing a twisted mockery of the Pokemon God’s visage, all with bleating, open mouths, from which wicked red flames roared and ghastly black ooze dripped.

I had expanded to as full a height as I could get, but alas, it was nothing compared to the abomination in front of me. This was quite vexing, as it is widely known that in any good competition of two evils, one of the prime factors in computing who wins is determined by how high and how malevolent the two beings can get, with the one with a more horrifying appearance having the best chance of- dammit, I thought I rid myself of Summer influence since the last post. No matter, I shall only be requiring more instances of hitting my head against the walls.

While Fear was something I noticed within me, yes, it should be noted that Fear is one of the closest relatives of Hate. And as I turned my head from the deity and looked forward once more, that surprise turned to boiling rage and twisted hate. For how dare this mere excuse of a ruling being cast its lies and illusions upon me? I was a being mightier than this deity shall ever know!

I had deducted that the striking at the heads would be futile. Instead, I aimed for the root Arceus from which the heads emerged. Its eyes widened briefly as I flew in a flash of glory and flames towards it. As my talons struck the ground, causing me traction as I made a guillotine-like swipe with my quasi-physical wing through the being, I noticed some peculiarities.

Of these peculiarities I noticed as I turned my head around, was that the heads were vanishing, and behind the cries of pain of the Arceus, I heard the annoyance-filled growl usually made of having lost something. I felt anger sweeping across me at the confirmation that it was an illusion.

With a cackling of fire, I had forgone my physical form, now in my state as something along the lines of an elemental: a billowing inferno of sentient Hate. I turned and became as a bolt of flames dashing under the staggering body of the Arceus, and then rising upward, piercing through the hide and into the body. With a great expenditure of effort, I had quickly expanded within the being, causing the body to explode in a shower of glorious light and golden cog-like limbs.

Changing back into my previous form, I noted the dead god, and decided that what with the loss of the PokeEarth, Underworld, and Overworld, this universe would collapse upon itself soon. However, before I left, I felt a strange urge to turn my head over to a certain part of the corpse. The collapse was not due soon, so I darted my eyes over to the lucky area.

And lo and behold, my flames had shone upon a part of gold, though shining differently than the cogs. I had approached the beam of light, and with my talon picked it up, noticing it to be an odd ring of sorts. Immediately, as the ring neared my flames, its previously smooth features bore indentations, showing an alphabet of an elaborate language.

I could sense sentience within the ring, and noticed that its strange calling and beckoning grew stronger the closer it came towards my flame. Noting this, I shrunk to a more decent size, and sent much of flames upon the ring, noticing that it started to form a voice. ”Speak, sentient, for I bear curiosity as to your purpose here.”

Finally, from the Ring I heard it speak in a mysterious tone, proving neither male nor female, "Ah, so you have intrigue with me. I have watched your feats, and had deemed-“

”Cease your compliments, for they shall not work on me.” I commanded, ”I demand to know, what are you, and whether you shall prove worthy as an ally, or shall be used as a mere bolsterer for the Skull Throne.”

There was a deathly calm about the ring, until it finally began to speak once more, ”I am the One Ring to rule them all, the One Ring to find them. The One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. I was forged by my master, the Dark Lord Sauron, and used as a vessel for some of his fallen, almighty power. However, upon being lost, and attempting to return to him through various means, I found myself eventually falling from Middle-Earth, and what seems like the entire world, and finding myself within this void that many beings call the Omniverse.”

“Through my various tactics of manipulation, I had ended up here. Clearly you do not seek the power I have to offer, and as such I respect your resilience to my manipulation tactics. No, I cannot seem to sense Sauron anywhere near here, so it seems I have no choice but to see where the winds of fate shall lead me. If you have a way to occupy my time whilst I wait for my master, I shall accept. However, know that my true allegiance lies with the Dark Lord, and if he were to return, so shall I to him.”

Deciding it to be of use to Chaos… or at least, the Destroyers as a whole… I spoke to it of the Omniverse, and of the current Tourney of Khorne. Finally, after much deciding and more information on its abilities, including it telling me that it does not usually speak, but only did so to me due to my flames somehow being a relative match to the fires in which it was forged, it had decided to humor itself by siding with me and the Destroyers. I had not worn the One Ring, but after my campaign was finished and we had a fine base within that corner of the Nintendoverse, I handed it to a now rather unfortunate Dalek.

LOCATION: Alternate Pokemon Universe That Was Not Destroyed By Werk

"Hey, Hilda, have you seen my Pokemon?" asked the Trainer, running up to the girl in Gear Station. She had a white-and pink hat on, a black vest, short jean-shorts, and black shoes on. Hilda turned.

"I don't know, sorry," she said, shrugging.

"It's weird. It's like they're disappearing from their boxes. I mean, I've still got a few Pokemon in here, like Ariel, my Gothitelle, or my Reshiram and Zekrom, and Picasso, my Smeargle, not to mention... Ah, well. It's strange. I wonder if I'll ever see them again," the Trainer continued.

Hilda sighed. "I guess you would..."

Her Crustle nudged her. "Oh, hi, Crustle," she said.

The Pokemon chittered something and pointed its claw at a rift. "What is that?" Hilda asked.

"Dunno..." the other Trainer said, approaching it.

All of a sudden, the rift began to ripple and someone's face appeared on it: a woman in a cosmic-blue dress and platinum-blonde hair. "What the heck?!" cried the two Trainers at the same time.

"Do not be alarmed---" the woman said, but the rift was crackling and popping like static on a TV screen. The Trainer recognized some Pokemon in the rift. He saw a steel arm wave.

"Is that... Marcus?" the trainer said.

"Your Bisharp?" asked Hilda.

Marcus appeared on the rift and began to wave. Its voice sounded far away. A Lilligant and Excadrill appeared on the display as well. "Daphne? Burrows?"

The Lilligant and the Excadrill nodded. "Excadrill!" shouted Burrows.

A red Pokemon in a judo uniform appeared as well. "Throh!"

"Hey, it's Jude, too. Where are all my Pokemon?" asked the Trainer to the woman in blue.

"Your Pokemon are completely safe... they are in our safekeeping. We have tried our best to keep them alive and well," the woman replied. "They have been pulled against their will to a different universe."

"Which one of you guys wants to go home?" asked the Trainer.

The Pokemon in the rift looked sadly at the other groups around them. More had appeared... a Gigalith, a Beheeyem, a Reuniclus, a Leavanny, a Magnezone, a Chandelure, a Cofagrigus...

"Oh, no! You all... What happened?"

"Leavaaany!" cried the Leavanny.

"Do not worry, you will soon be going home," the woman said.

A Braviary arced over and perched on top of a Golurk's shoulder. The eagle Pokemon squawked, and flew down next to Rosalina. The Pokemon appeared to be taking a roll call to see who was going home.

Jude, Zim, Dennis, W'eel, and Candy raised their hands/arms/whatevers. The Braviary ushered them to the portal. They said their good-byes and well-wishes, and the Trainer began to call them back to their Pokeballs.

The deed was done. The rift closed, and the Trainer looked at the Pokeballs in his arms. "Welcome back, my friends," he said.

"What a sap," Hilda sighed.

Mr. Resetti---

AAAAAAAAAAAAAUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW MANY TIMES DOES IT HAVE TO HAPPEN?!?!?!! YOU STUPID OWL! STOP RESETTING UNIVERSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew... Sort of lost my head there. But boy, does it TICK ME OFF!!! EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEBODY DESTROYS-SLASH-RUINS A UNIVERSE, I have to GO BACK AND FIX IT!!!! Why! Must! Every! Single! Being! Want! To! Destroy! Everything!

Okay, from now on, it's NO MORE MISTER NICE MOLE!!!!!!! At least there are separate !?$#ING CONTINUITIES THAT COULD BE RETRIEVED AND MERGED WITH THIS BROKEN UNIVERSE!!!!

WERK... YOU HAD BETTER HAVE YOUR MOMMY ON A HOTLINE, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Heh... Whoohhh... Lost my head again. BUT YOU HAD BETTER SAY YOU ARE SORRY! SAY IT!!! ONE HUNDRED TIMES! Better yet, WRITE IT ON A BLACKBOARD ONE HUNDRED TIMES! WITH YOUR SHOULDER BLADES!!!

Toad: Pla---

HEY!!!!!!! NOBODY CUTS MR. RESETTI OFF!!! Now YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO WRITE "I'm Sorry" ONE HUNDRED TIMES ON A BLACKBOARD WITH YOUR SHOULDER BLADES!!!! I WILL BE WATCHING FROM THIS HOLE!

And you, dear reader, remember to brush your teeth. Now... SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!

Magolor: Do stuff.

"Um, so I can jump-rope pretty well, too," I said to Toad.

Not that he would answer. He was fast asleep. I was busy talking to a knocked-out mushroom boy. Woo me.

"Um, so I hear that Mario had to get his tools out of your belly," I said.

Toad snored.

"Yeah, okay. When do you think you'll wake up?"

"Zzzz... snort... five more minutes... zzz..."

I took this estimate with a grain of salt. He was on a sedative.

I sighed. "I guess I'd better clean the Lor."

Magolor: Epic Boat Time.

I walked into the Lor's bathroom and got some Sham-Wow!s and some Oxi-Clean (it gets the tough stains out!), before gettig the Clorox and paper towels. I then got some Windex, Arm & Hammer baking soda, and a broom.

Magolor here, with Epic Boat Time. Epic Boat Time will be greasing down this motha*Squawk!*er and scrubbing it clean! Today, we be cleaning the Lor Starcutter. We've got Windex, we've got guns, we've got more guns, and we've got several Sham-Wow!s here.

Apply the first coat!

We're hosing this sucka down. All these burns, we gonna blast off that sh*SQUAWK!*. Turning up the pressure! *spins valve* More pressure. More pressure!

Applying the soap. *pours soap on Lor's hull* We be doing this the hard way, and when we say hard, we mean hard. Like steel wool hard.

This is Puffballs Glasses. *motions to Kirby* He's got puffballs, and he's got glasses.

"Okay, so, Kirby, what you want to do is scrub the hull until the grime and soot are gone," I said to him. Kirby nodded and grabbed the steel wool.

These guns are pointless! *throws Uzi behind back*

But we're keeping them around because in Epic Boat Time, we don't care if we need it. *hefts rocket launcher*

Scrubbing the boat! *scrubs boat with steel wool, assesses* Needs more wool!

Look at that shine!

"Okay, Kirby, let's take these Sham-Wow!s and put them in the dryer... Could you set it to 'HIGH' for me?"

Drying the towels. Because we like our towels HOT. And FLUFFY.

Puffballs Glasses loading the dryer. Turn up the heat. Poof that *SQUAWK*er up!

When the wool is done, we don't stop with the soap. We toss this water out. It's dirty, and we don't use any *SQUAWK*ing dirty water in Epic Boat Time. We apply more water. More water. Raising the pressure again. Pressure is getting higher. More psi. More psi.

Towels are still fluffing in the dryer. We add fabric softener, because we don't do dryer safety in Epic Boat Time.

Sterilizing the grit scrapers.

"Kirby, don't get too close to the UV sterilizer, it might give you cancer," I told him. I heard a DING and the UV light shut off.

Puffballs Glasses holding the guns, because we open out doors like bad*SQUAWK*s! Puffballs Glasseskicking the doors. WITH GUNS.

Retrieving the grit scrapers, scraping the grit.

"Eeeeugh! Look at all that grit!" I cried to Kirby. Just then, Peach and Daisy walked in. "Whatcha doin'?" asked Daisy.

"Cleanin' the Lor," I replied. "Want to help?"

Peach and Daisy shrugged and nodded. I handed them grit scrapers.

Scraping the grit like a pimp. Because this is a pimp boat. We've got guns, we've got girls, and we've got grit.

Puffballs Glasses scrapes the last bit of grit off the boat. And you know what comes next: drying the boat.

"Peach, could you get those Sham-Wow!s out of the dryer? Thanks."

Applying the towel strips. Laying them on the Lor, like a final boss. Because I was one.

More towel strips. More towel strips. MOA towel strips.

When the Lor is all dry, we apply wax. And we call wax "Sawse." Because we're the "sawse bawse."

(Sawse bawses? Sawses bawses? Wait, there's one sawse, but four of... Forget it, let's wax the boat.)

Applying the sawse. Dribble it on. With BUCKETS. Use the spinny car wash thingies, because we don't know what they're called (Shiners?)

Wax on. Wax off, like a BOSS.

To finish the exterior, we need Windex. And ammonia. Mix the two, we get ammunition. Load the stuff ito water guns, because water guns are boss.

Spray the ship. More spraying.

*interior* What is this *SQUAWK*!!?? *points at oil stain* We use Oxi-Clean, to get the tough stains out the tough way.

Pouring more Oxi-Clean on the stains. See it run.

Now...

I walked out of the ship. It seamed to gleam in the light. "What do you guys think?" I asked proudly.

"I think there was too much commentary," said Peach. Kirby nodded.

"But that's what made it fun," Daisy argued.

Next time, we clean cars.

>Get ready for the next wave

Appropriate listening:

The armies of the champions, under the direction of Optimus Prime, brought forward their reserves, knowing full well that the Condesce was going to send crushing force to do what the first storm had failed to do.

Enormous tanks, vast numbers of soldiers, and huge walkers thundered through the streets of theed and onto the walls. Soldiers made final prayers, looked to one another to comfort as the very ground itself shook under the awe inspiring weight of war.

"The Hive Mind is sending in some reinforcements..." Merrick muttered over to a soldier next to him, the woman, only a girl really, wearing the uniform of a soviet conscript, looked over and smiled. "The tyranids are aiding us? That's good news da?" She asked nervously, checking her AK-47 one last time.

"Yeah...it should be anyway..." Merrick breathed out as he ran some diagnostics on his precious autocannons, vibrating a little as an enormous baneblade rolled into position behind them. Then they heard a whistling sound above and saw a single object streak down to the earth.

Upon the scans confirming it as a tyranid meiotic spore, the dome shield parted briefly to allow the object to impact in the centre of the city. "Only one!?!" Merrick shouted, exasperated, used to seeing the Tyranids deploying their soldiers in massive numbers.

Appropriate listening:

But before he could continue his complaints, the guns started firing, the second wave had started. The crack, boom, and bang of a thousand heavy artillery pieces ripped through the air, and for a moment the guardsman couldn't hear anything.

Then he looked over and saw the next wave, far larger than the first. And he looked up into the skies and he opened his mouth up in a gape. Lords of Change and Bloodthirsters...greater Daemons....He could also see the forms of Great Unclean Ones and Keepers of Secrets and countless daemon princes backing this titanic assault.

These were some of the most powerful beasts of chaos, and enormous ing attack forms were backing them to absolutely destroy the defenses that had so far proven to be beyond the destroyer's ability to harm or defeat. This was going to be very different, that much merrick could tell.

By the god-emperor they were going to rip the walls apart! "Get off the walls! Greater Daemons! Get off the walls!" Merrick shouted as the beasts started to approach the walls. Many of the destroyers were scythed down by the incoming tide of firepower, but it simply wasn't enough.

They kept on coming, heedless of losses, and their own heavy firepower began crashing into the walls. The black coloured adamantium walls found their surfaces being covered in explosions of all colours and sizes

They hit the walls just as Merrick lead many champions off of the wall complex with the force of a billion tsunamis. A tidal wave of soldiers and machines more fearsome than any natural disaster. Theirs was the approach of death itself.

Appropriate listening:

The first sign of things going wrong was a formation of Tzeentchian Lords of change summoning forth vast amounts of warp power in a cataclysmic spell that launched forward in a cataclysmic multicoloured beam that spiraled forward in a massive quadruple helix ray that spiralled around a colossal lance of pure warp power.

The walls took the blast head on and held for a while, but they could not withstand the enormous amounts of force being shot into them and exploded apart. Each wall in turn managed to hold out for thirty seconds before exploding into adamantium fragments, creating massive holes in their defenses and allowing the destroyers to pour through.

"Hold the line! You will not fear anything that comes through those gates!" One Soviet Commissar shouted, trying to encourage his men, and then a massive bloodthirster landed in front of him and roared out a bloodcurdling noise and the Commissar promptly voided his bowels before the behemoth swung it's enormous axe in a wide arc, bisecting, eviscerating, disemboweling, and decapitating dozens of men in a single stroke.

It cracked it's whip in a large arc and killed yet more soldiers with contemptuous ease as more of it's kind continued to land into the fray, swinging their axes and whips in a deadly and furious charge that awashed the fields with gore.

"Stop those things! Stop them now!" An American tank commander shouted over the radio as a company of M1 Abrams tanks rolled up to one bloodthirster and pummeled it with anti-tank shell fire, but the Bloodthirster simply turned around as the shells pinged off of it's brass breastplate and it's fiery daemonic aura that caused many of the soldiers to go insane, collapsing to the ground, clawing out their eyes as these things that should not be blasted their minds with the power of Chaos.

The Bloodthirster roared and wrapped it's whip around one tank and yanked it forward with so much force it flew off of the ground, leading it into the raging daemon's flaming axe, which cut the tank in half like so much butter before the creature headbutted another tank whose guns harmlessly bounced off of it, the vehicle crumpling up like an accordion.

A great unclean one waddled forward into the fray, laughing as a colossal amount of firepower poured into it's sickly and infected flesh, all of it having virtually no effect as the Daemon felt no pain. With a laugh, it retched and sent forth a gushing waterfall of projectile vomit in an arc that melted flesh off of bones and corroded metal into piles of rust in seconds.

Keepers of Secrets charged forward and with lightning speed, clawed and rent apart the flesh of their foes with a fleet of foot that few mortals could hope to match, dodging around the fire of the champions to snap their heads off and chew them to pieces.

The soldiers of the champions would need the aid of the plot aura imbued champions themselves to turn the tide. They needed elites, they needed heroes and astartes to hold back this onrushing daemonic tide.

Violet: Find some stuff.

I walked away from the cheers. The noise was getting a bit too loud for me. Besides, I was worrying about Klaus and Sunny; how were they?

It was then when I came across a pile of bits and bobs, a phrase that here means "numerous automobile components and mechanisms." In other words: car parts. I saw several long rectangular plates, five red-rimmed wheels with slim tires, a cobra-shaped horn, two round headlights, several flaps of red-and-yellow canvas attached to rods as if they were parts of a tent, a few panels of wood that looked as if they could be fitted together like a box, a license plate that read "GEN 11," several brass plates and rods.

Something was telling me I should put it back together. I don't know what... The thought... It was strange, it seemed to come from the pile of car parts itself.

I tied my hair back in a ribbon, like I did when I wanted to think clearly. I wish I had tools.

I sighed, and picked up a few pieces. Sprockets, bolts, screws, and other pieces were strewn all over the place. I wasn't sure what went where.

I noted a red rod. It was curved in the center, and had a hole drilled into it. I guess it was some sort of steering mechanism. My suspicions were confirmed when I found a few rods that fit together quite nicely with a steering wheel and the red rod. I connected them by screwing on a few nuts at the ends to hold them together.

What was a pile of car parts doing in the middle of a hallway? And why hasn't anyone come by yet?

I heard some explosions. Oh, right. A siege. Well, at least I had some privacy to work on this thing.

I was able to repair some of the engine (odd that the car used an airplane engine...) and clean off the parts. I began to put the car back together again. Somehow, I don't think it was logic that was guiding me, but I think my thoughts are coming from the car itself.

I slipped each wheel onto an axle after the axles were attached to their proper spot on the chassis. I noted that several gears and pulleys were attached to the canvas. I looked for parts that would fit them.

"?he ,'nihtemos gnixiF" came a voice from behind me. I jumped. Vagineer was standing behind me.

"Oh! Vagineer..." I stuttered. "Um, I found these parts and---"

"No need to explain," said the gonad-mouthed engineer, "I know exactly what you're going to say. You found this pile of car parts in the middle of the hallway, and you're tryin' to put 'em back together. Well..."

He walked over to the chassis. "Yer doin' it kinda wrong. This should go here... this part's upside-down..."

Somehow, when a licensed engineer fixed it, the chassis looked better. "Tell ya what, we're gonna get this ol' rustbucket in tip-top shape in no time," he said. "Here's the problem: Ya don't got tools, ya don't got instructions, and ya don't got a pro to help you. I'm gon' give all these things to ya."

Vagineer told me how to build and arrange several things. "An old hand-crank engine, hmm?" "Hey, this thing looks a bit like a Zbrowski." "Let's see if we can't get this ol' bucket of bolts running--" **VROOOM!!!!!**

"Vagineer, I have to tell you something else. It seemed kind of like the car was telling me to think some things..." I told him.

"The car? Nonsense. The thing can't even drive yet---"

That got him a face full of car exhaust. Vagineer coughed.

"Like I was saying, it was like the car was guiding me, and telling me what to build."

"Huh. Normally, where I come from, cars don't talk. They drive, and the only sound they make is 'vroom-vroom.'"

A girl in blond who I've seen walking around but never really interacted with walked in on us. "Wait, what are you guys doing?" she asked.

"Oh, hey, Kate," said Vagineer. "Have ya met Violet here? She's a fantastic mechanic, a prime inventor."

"Well, I wouldn't say--"

"Aw, c'mon, don't be modest. You've gotta be pretty good if you've built a car chassis all by yourself. Sure, there were some flip-flops, but still, the thing was pretty smooth by the time I started on it."

"Wow. You know, this car looks like something out of a movie," Kate said.

I looked it over. Vagineer was busy attaching the canvas and rods to the bottom of the car. "Hey, Kate, couldja toss me over that wrench?" he said. "Violet, you can work on the canvas. The small one goes in front."

That jarred me from my thoughts. I grabbed a smaller piece of canvas tied to a frame and began to attach it to the front of the car. The "GEN 11" license plate was already attached, but the car was missing a grille. Quite frankly, its headlights were still on the ground.

"What are you going to call it?" asked Kate.

Vagineer and I turned our heads. "One simply doesn't name somethin'," Vagineer said. "You've gotta find out more about somethin' before ya give it a name. Speakin' of which," Vagineer's eyes twinkled behind his goggles. "let's say we take this clunker out for a joyride?"

Vagineer hopped into the driver's seat. "C'mon, girls, don't be shy. I ain't a molester, ya know."

Kate jumped into the back with me. "Come on, Violet, it'll be fun!" Kate said.

"Fun? I barely know you!" I protested.

"That has nothing to do with anything," Vagineer chided.

"But the car isn't finished--"

"We could attach the headlights 'n stuff later, could we?"

"But the car is missing a door!"

"Then put on yer seatbelt." Vagineer started the engine. It made a wonderful rumbling noise, with intermittent bangs from the engine. "Hear that? That's the sound of progress," Vagineer said.

"Are you sure that the bangs are healthy?" I asked.

"That means the car's raring to go!" Vagineer said. Now, this guy loved to personify his machines, and cared for them like children.

Vagineer slammed the gas. I heard a clang and looked behind, watching the car's horn clatter to the ground. "Are you sure it's safe?"

"You built it, kid. You tell me!" Vagineer said. The car began to go faster. Vagineer took a sharp left. "Whoo-ee! Now this is how we drive in the South!"

"Really?" Kate asked.

"Naw, just me."

The car puttered and banged and sped across the hallway, overlooking the courtyard, which was deserted. But all of a sudden, the steering locked. "What?" Vagineer cried. Then I saw some gears and sprockets fall out of the back of the car. "AAAHHH!!!! WE'RE GOING TO CRASH!!!!!!!" Vagineer cried.

All of a sudden, we veered left just as the car was about to smash into the wall. "What? I thought the steering had locked..." Vagineer said confusedly. The car rumbled down the hallway before taking another sharp turn and ending up right back where we started. Vagineer slammed the brake, but the car swerved, and stopped with a CRACK! POP! CHIKKA-CHIKKA-POW! The car rumbled, making its default banging noises.

"Hear that?" asked Vagineer. "That sound the engine's making is music to my ears. If this engine can remain stable after all that, this car... Wow. You could almost say it was magical."

Magical? That goes against the laws of science. But still... It did seem like the car was telling me... No, that can't be right. Cars can't think.

The car rattled and popped, making some more engine noises. "That noise. It's like a 'chitty-chitty-bang-bang,'" said Vagineer. "Two chitties for the clicking and rattling, and a bang-bang for the popping noises."

"Wow. Now I definitely know what we're going to name her," Kate said.

"'Her?'" I asked. "Kate, it's a car. It doesn't have---"

That got me a squirt of coolant in the face.

"Ackpth!"

"Maybe it won't do that if you fix it up a bit more," Kate said.

"That's true. Might be a few problems with piping and linkage to the engine," Vagineer added.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure the car's not alive," I said.

"Do you think we should call it Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Kate asked.

"That's a horrible name!" I protested.

"That's an excellent name," Vagineer said. "Commenting on the sound it makes. Great observation, Kate."

I huffed and glared scornfully at Kate. She shrugged.

The car rumbled, as if reacting to the name.

"Whatever, let's just fix the thing."

Vagineer, Kate, and I began to re-build the car. Vagineer attached some brass pipes to holes in the engine that exhaust previously billowed out of. I attached a basket to the back of the car, and placed a second license plate on the bumper. Kate helped Vagineer install the doors (she put one upside-down, but I can't blame her because suicide doors are usually confusing). We placed the grille and attached headlights. "I have to say, the headlights make Chitty's front look like a face," Kate said.

"Please don't call it Chitty," I sighed.

"What should I call it? Sneezy or something?" Kate asked.

"Just... don't name it. Kate, it's a car."

Things seemed to go wrong with me after that. One time I was working on the car's underside, and a hinge I had put on had slapped me on the face. Another time, I got a face full of smoke when working on the engine. Another time, the car suddenly backed up and knocked me down when I tried to adjust the seats and wood panels. It was like the car was trying to get revenge for the things I said about it.

"Why is the car trying to kill me?!" I cried.

"Maybe Chitty thinks you're being mean," Kate suggested. "Maybe if you treated it well for a change---"

"For the LAST TIME, IT! IS! A CAR!!!" I yelled. "IT'S A PILE OF JUNK I FOUND ON THE GROUND!!!"

The car made a low rumbling noise and several scraping sounds. It seemed to droop down, as if its axles were melting. The bumper lowered, as if the car was frowning, and its headlights dimmed. Fluid began to leak out the side. The car almost looked sad.

But a car is a car. I got to work fixing it. The car didn't do much to me after that. I was able to work on the machine better now that it stopped malfunctioning on me.

The pile of parts diminished quickly to nothing, and the car was all fixed. I wiped the sweat off my forehead. "Violet, d'you want to take her for a spin?" asked Vagineer.

"Sure," I said.

Vagineer cranked the hand crank as I got into the passenger seat. He switched the ignition...

Chitty-chitty-cough-wheeze...

"I think we're gonna have to change her name to Chitty Chitty Cough-Wheeze," Vagineer joked, turning the ignition again. He became concerned, then frustrated. "Hurr! Haimamoo! Grr!" he grunted, struggling with the engine.

"Start, you stupid pile of scrap metal!" I cried in angst.

All of a sudden, the car dropped sharply, clanging against the ground. Its wheels had flipped out diagonally, sprawling on the floor. The headlights drooped, and the steering wheel dropped into Vagineer's lap. The windshield flipped about before settling in a horizontal position, and the bumper sank down lower. Oil leaked from the sides of the car. The fenders hung limp, and the car began to make a scraping noise that sounded like crying. The car then began to wail, its horn honking, pistons pushing, and tires hissing. The hand crank spun out of control. "What's going on?!" Kate cried, running into the hallway where we had fixed the car. "What happened to Chitty?"

"I don't know! I called it a stupid pile of scrap metal, and it started falling apart!" I explained.

"Violet, that's so mean! Why'd you say that to Chitty?"

"Would you stop calling it 'Chitty?'" I yelled at her. God, Kate was beginning to get on my nerves. The malfunctioning sounds from the car weren't helping either. If anything, the wailing seemed to get louder. The axles began to bang on the ground.

"I don't understand! The car was working fine before!" Vagineer cried.

"Violet, apologize to the car!" Kate said.

"What? Have you lost your mind?" I yelled. "It's a car! It won't respond!"

Kate grabbed me by the collar. "SAY YOU'RE SORRY TO CHITTY!!!"

The engine sounds were infuriating. Kate seemed genuinely concerned about the car. The wailing incessantly rang through my ears. I would do ANYTHING to make it stop. Even if it meant humiliating myself.

"OKAY! CHITTY, I'M SORRY!" I yelled over the engine noises. The wailing became softer. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I'm sorry I called you stupid. You are one of the greatest mechanical wonders I've ever worked on. I'm sorry I said all those horrible things about you. You aren't a a bad car, if I think about it. You work well, and quite obviously, you aren't a pile of junk."

The car's wailing died down to a rumble. Its parts began to right themselves again. The wheels stretched back onto the axles. The bumper stood proudly on the front again. The headlights adjusted and firmly stood on the grille. The car raised itself off of the ground. Vagineer put the steering wheel back, and it stayed. He adjusted the windshield.

"See, she does have feelings," Kate said.

"I feel really bad now," I said quietly. "I feel like I hurt someone."

"I'm sure Chitty would forgive you," Kate replied.

The car seemed to agree. Chitty made a happy "chitty-chitty-BANG!-BANG!" sound as if she forgave me. The seat belt tightened on its own, as if trying to give me a hug and say everything was alright.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road!" Vagineer said, turning the ignition again. This time Chitty's signature noise was much louder.

"CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG!-BANG!" The car reared up on its rear wheels and the steering wheel spun in Vagineer's hands, as if the car was bucking like a horse. Chitty peeled forward, her front wheels lightly kissing the ground as she bounded happily through the hallway, pleased to be accepted.

Partly, I was glad. Chitty taught me a lesson, that the way something looks isn't an excuse to treat it badly. Or in Chitty's case, her. The poor car literally broke down when I said those terrible words about her, but I'm happy that Chitty's alright. I'm sure that all three of us, Vagineer, Kate, and I, could grow closer to Chitty.

Destroyer Battleground Infirmary

The formerly bomb-bearing Dersite, having been scooped off the ground and thrown (and these are daemons who were carrying him, so yes, not lead, not placed, but THROWN) into the infirmary tent, slowly used his one, not-broken arm to pick himself up, and using what little strength he had, managed to drag himself onto one of the few mats.

The Destroyers scorned the weak, and usually just executed wounded units, though they are known to do this by sending the wounded back into battle just to be quickly gunned down by Champions. It was only through a couple volunteers that they set up a tent to allowed the mysterious doctor to work on the soldiers. Of course, this meant that there was only one doctor, but still, he seemed to be doing fine, as the Dersite observed from weak and weary eyes.

The medic, having prepared some tools, methodically strode over to the Dersite, eyes intent upon the soldier. “Ah,” he said, in a manner that sounded a little forced, “you looked as though you were kicked over a good mile or so.”

“Doc… please… I just want to get healed up here, nothing more okay?” Moaned the unfortunate Dersite, his eyes turning away to observe another part of the tent. The medic nodded and proceeded to go fetch a couple tools.

Slowly the grunt began to think out loud, “You know… I never really wanted this. I just- say, doc, are there cameras in here? Am I constantly being tracked?”

A soft chuckle came from the doctor at first, which sounded at first familiar, but was then stifled into the medic’s previous voice. “Oh, of course not. Most of the Destroyers sent here are usually pretty darn crazy, and no one wants to hear their mad gabs. Go ahead, speak your mind. Knowing this battle and the nature of the Destroyers, it just may be your last.”

The Dersite gave a bit of a groan at the doctor’s foreboding omens, but proceeded to go back to his speaking. “Yeah. Just… why did this whole damn Corn Tourney or whatever have to come to Medium? The war with Prospit was already painful as is, and the Black Queen was already a bit of huge bitch; now we have to work with all these scheming robots and ranting and raving daemons. Heck, I saw when the Black King and Queen gave their speeches on their decision to side with the Destroyers, and how they offered power and riches for our allegiance.”

“Many of the agents were pretty gung-ho about it, but anyone could see it in the King’s eyes that he was lying through his teeth; he only made the decision to keep us alive, and to keep us from being enslaved, or just having all of Derse suffer an Exterminatus. In the end, either way, we still got the bad end of the stick. Nemesis just used it as his throne, and subsequently Derse was destroyed. Now we’re just cloned troops used as cannon fodder for the more blood thirsty Champions. I just wished this whole thing was over, happy ending, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Chimed the medic, seeming to have picked a tool for the operation and now striding over once more, however his voice suddenly drastically changing, ”If by any chance, this war will be over very, very soon.” Before the Dersite could realize the true sense of the doctor’s words, the last thing the balck-carapaced grunt saw was a streak of brilliant gold descending upon him.

~

GLaDOS, having disposed of the unconscious body through the shaft connecting her, Theed, and the tent, quickly enveloped the masterfully disguised Sly in an elevator-like box after hearing curios footsteps outside of the tent. As the box into the earth and the ground being put back in its proper place, one could see the Destroyer commanders questioning amongst themselves as to why none of the soldiers sent to the medic were returning, and wishing to get to the bottom of this mystery, only to find the tent empty.

Cooper, having shed his costume and now returned to his regular attire, proceeded to tap his foot upon the ground in a clearly annoyed way. ”I think it’s pretty clear that I could have handled that curiosity with ease, and went for just a little longer in thinning the numbers. Though I will admit, it was a shame having to take out that one grunt.”

The AI controlling the box gave an automated sigh. ”Sly, your disguise was starting to wear thin. The Destroyers were starting to notice the patterns. They were starting to notice that where I’m hiding. After all, this is the third time you’ve done it, and naturally the third time I had to get you out of there before getting brutally slaughtered. I think you need to start remembering that just because you have those darn Sun powers and ‘the famous Cooper stealth’, doesn’t mean that you could take all those Destroyers, especially since you’re basically in the heart of their side, where their most powerful units could easily turn around and start blowing you to bits.”

However, Cooper had easily drowned out everything GLaDOS was saying with an ever so fun technique, invented by one of his more unsung ancestors, allowing the trained Cooper to drown out his or her senses completely. Originally used as means to prevent brainwashing, it also makes for a good way to get out of those long lectures.

GLaDOS was quick to notice that Sly wasn’t even acknowledging all her devious suggestions on ways to stealthily take down the Destroyers in any given situation. So, after deciding that he was quickly becoming a boring conversation partner, she did one of the most surefire ways of keeping people on their feet: the good ol’ Deadly Neurotoxin.

Slowly filling the room with the stuff, the coon soon noticed that his air supply was running low, probably from being underground. To this, he responded with simply knocking on the wall behind him. It was quickly until after he saw the deadly, sickly green air filling his breathing space that he quickly turned around to fiercely bang against the walls. To this, GLaDOS kindly removed the Neurotoxin and replaced it with air.

After getting a good gulp of air, panting for dear life, Cooper proceeded to rasp out a question as to why she did that. She casually responded with, ”You were starting to bore me. And we can’t have that, now can we?”

Deeming her not worth ranting over, the master thief shook his head and proceeded to look around the box. ”Well, if I’m stuck in a gas chamber, at least you don’t have any of those ‘all-covering wall panels’ used to just stare at me.”

”Heh.” With this, the boards mounting the walls proceeded to flip, revealing panels all used to tune in on the AI’s Control Core, which simply stared at Sly with cold contempt, moving about to show that it was indeed live video footage. ”Did I forget to leave those on?”

”Wah!” Cooper jumped back in shock, clearly not enjoying GLaDOS’ idea of ‘fun’. However, knowing it was better to ask the harder questions, he proceeded with, ”Hmph. This ride sure has been taking a while.”

The Core rolled its single, cyclopean eye, giving a short chuckle of, ”That stems from a majority of reasons, be them wanting to align myself in the places the Destroyers would least likely check, or zigzagging on the spot, usually to prolong our ever so engaging conversations. No, just sit back; we’ve passed the walls, now all you have to do is get on your way.”

”… Yeah, dealing with psychotic robots bent on torturing me has never been a favorite past time of mine.” With that, Sly exited the box.

Percy: Go out and kill stuff.

Have you lost your mind? I can't go out there! I LOST the curse of Achilles when I passed the Tiber in CAMP JUPITER!!!!!!

Now that the demon daemon guys have crawled in, Greek monsters were following. Several Scythian dracaenae, women with green scaly skin and two snake tails instead of legs, slithered into the walls, followed by my old friend the Minotaur. Evil hellhounds (that weren't Mrs. O'Leary) were charging in, carrying three Dersites each on their backs (they probably saw the hounds as trucks or something). And it was my old friend, Beano--- er, Stheno, who led the charge. "FREE SAMPLES!!!" the Gorgon hissed.

"Gods of Olympus, how many times do I have to kill you?!" I yelled, exasperated. "When you die, could you PLEASE stay dead?"

"Ha ha! Perseus Jackson, you shall pay for the destruction of Medusa! But first, would you like to try some free cheesy taquitos?"

"Ew," I said. "I'll pass. They're probably poisoned with your blood or something."

I knocked the tray out of Stheno's hands and drew Riptide. Stheno lashed out at me, but I blocked with my sword. I jabbed the hilt into her stomach, kicked her, and slashed her head off. Her body crumpled to the ground, dissolving into dust as it went. I wiped my forehead.

A dracaena raised her staff and threatened to smash me over the head. All of a sudden, a mass of rock barreled into us, destroying the dracaena and almost crushing me. "What was that?" I asked.

"That was Cragalanche!" rang a young female voice in my head.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am Viridi goddess of nature--"

"I've heard of the GOD of nature, Pan, but I don't remember there being a goddess of nature," I said.

"Right. You're with the Olympians. Don't think Cragalanche is helping you. I told him to crush all in his way. So DON'T GET IN HIS WAY!" Viridi yelled. "Actually, it'd be more convenient for me if you DID get in Cragalanche's way, because that'd save me the trouble of killing you later."

"Why does EVERYBODY want to kill me?" I groaned. "I thought we solved the whole 'half-blood of the eldest gods' thing already!"

Cragalanche was smashing some mooks into bits. I noted his big red butt. I snorted, then doubled over laughing.

I probably shouldn't have done that. Cragalanche turned and barreled into me. I was slammed into a broken section of the wall. The rock monster was egg-shaped, with stony armor and red eyes. Its gray, craggy lips were enormous, and its nose was literally chiseled. Cragalanche's hand opened up and a rock emerged from it. Cragalanche raised his arm and threw the rock at me.

"One more thing, Cragalanche doesn't like it when people mention the butt," Viridi sneered.

"AAAHHH!!!" I cried, rolling out of the way before Cragalanche's rock could kill me.

Mr. Game & Watch: QUIET. YOU ARE NOW AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE STORY.

Mr. Game & Watch blipped through Flipside. He was wary, because its 2-D citizens were under the power of the Ing, and the creatures could slip in anytime, possess a citizen, and have it attempt to murder him. He had to defend himself with a hammer, a torch, and a manhole cover (don't ask).

Quite unfortunately, our two-dimensional friend was about to have things get a whole lot worse.

A flaming blue blob descended from the sky. "Ha ha ha!!!!" it cackled. Mr. Game & Watch beeped in indignation. The flaming blue blob had a gold ring encircling a small flame atop its head. Its features were feminine, with huge eyes with teeny-tiny pupils and a pink-lipped mouth with fangs.


Pandora screeched a screechy laugh. "Ha! Oh, look how small and pathetic you are! You can't even talk!" she sneered.

Mr. Game & Watch displayed his most colorful language to the goddess of calamity. It was all bleeped out because there are CHILDREN here.

"But I don't want you dead!" Pandora cackled. "Mr. Game & Watch, you are a VERY important part of our plans. Yes, a VERY important one, and it wouldn't help that you're trying to hide from us!"

With that, Pandora charged toward Mr. Game & Watch, a blazing blue blob of flame. Mr. Game and Watch raised his judge's hammer and held up a number 9 on his sign. He brought the hammer down on Pandora and the goddess shrieked in pain. "GET HIM!!!" she hissed.

Pandora ascended into the air, letting Underworld troops into the plaza in Flipside. Monoeyes surrounded Mr. Game & Watch, while Skuttler Cannoneers aimed their cannons at him. The cannoneers were one-eyed, large-browed skeletal soldiers with a black cross painted on their foreheads and donned in purple robes. Then to top it all off, an Eggplant Wizard stepped up and banged his staff on the ground.

Mr. Game & Watch saw that he was surrounded.

"Give up!" Pandora said.

Mr. Game & Watch let out a long BLEEEP! and fled in his two-dimensional manner. The Underworld Army's squad took chase. The Eggplant Wizard threw magical eggplants at Mr. Game & Watch, attempting to turn the black-and-gray man into a black-and-gray eggplant. Monoeyes shot electric balls at Mr. Game & Watch, which he caught with his oil bucket and dumped at the Skuttler Cannoneers. They slipped on the oil that was produced from the absorption of the electric balls, and fired their weapons into the air. Their large foreheads prevented them from getting back up.

However, Mr. Game & Watch was trapped against the wall. More troops were coming in. He couldn't possibly hope to escape from Pandora and her cronies.

And that's when the Eggplant Wizard walked up to him and transformed him into an eggplant.

LATER...

When Mr. Game and Watch could see again, he knew he wasn't an eggplant anymore. Mr. Game & Watch tried to move his arm, but couldn't. He was chained.

He looked out the window. He recognized this place. Wasn't this the Battleship Halberd?

Meta Knight's airship had been usurped a while ago, but the Destroyers still haven't made many technical modifications (only aesthetic ones, for they had ripped down all the Meta Knight portraits they could find).

Mr. Game and Watch was trapped in the storage room and he was chained to two large round structures. A pirate captain sneered in his face. "Aye, what have we here? I've heard through the grapevine that yer the source of them Shadow Bugs that Tabuu used to control, aye? This here fancy contraption's gonna take 'em outta ye."

Mr. Game and Watch blew a pixellated raspberry at the pirate. He raised his hook at Mr. Game & Watch. "You'll be walkin' the plank if ye do that again!" threatened the pirate. "Now, sit there and be a good li'l Shadow Bug producin' blip-blop boy."

Mr. Game & Watch indignantly blasted a string of bleeps and boops, which were probably swear words in Morse code. However, he was cut off when a steel trap door pushed him upward into an opening and began to spin him around like he was in a gyroscope. He felt part of his essence being drained and converted into Shadow Bugs. It was painful. Mr. Game & Watch struggled, then lost the strength to struggle. He went limp.

Third person

Captain Hook twirled his hands in glee when he saw the machine working. It was a fearsome, monstrous contraption: one side was pink with a cannon for a head and two more for arms, and the other was blue, and covered in sharp edges and blades. In the middle were two wheels, displaying the yin-yang.

This was Duon, and Duon had Mr. Game & Watch trapped inside of it.

Shadow Bugs began to pour out of cracks in Duon's body: vents that were meant to release the Shadow Bugs into the environment. They skittered all over the Regis--- I'm sorry, the Halberd and into the bomb bays.

"Has the robot been readied yet?" asked Ganon.

"Aye-aye, Ganon. Shall we fire?" replied Hook.

"Yes! YES! Let's show them how they DIE. They dare bring light to our lair? THEY MUST DIE!

Just then, some of the Forces of Nature began to fire upon the Halberd. "Ah! Take cover!" Ganon cried.

Arlon the Serene, a tall purple man in a gentlemanly suit (and a sweet mustache to boot) stepped through the air onto the Halberd, somehow keeping up with the ship's inertia. "Cease and desist, enemies of nature and the Omniverse," Arlon commanded sternly, "or face the wrath that you are doomed to know of natural order!"

"Have at ye!" Captain Hook snarled, jumping toward Arlon. "Ganon! Fire at will!"

Kate: Note some bad things.

We got back from another run with Chitty. "Hey, Meta Knight," I said, looking into the sky. "Is that your ship flying through the sky?"

Meta Knight peered through the smoke and gunshots of Union and Confederate soldiers and Destroyer mooks. "What? He dares---"

Then the purple blobs began to drop on deck. "This is not good! Kate! Stay behind me!" Meta Knight commanded.

"Why?" I asked indignantly.

"These are Shadow Bugs! You know not of their dark power!" Meta Knight shouted. He drew his blade and slashed it toward the Shadow Bugs. "Where have you come from?" he asked the blobs. As if they would listen.

I snorted. "You're talking to a bunch of circles. That can't speak."

"I said stay back!" Meta Knight scolded. "These are more fearsome than you could---"

Before he could finish, the things swamped me. They arced over Meta Knight, multiplying like cells as they did, and engulfed me. I was surrounded by a wave of purple and black. Chittering rang in my ears. I screamed.

It waned.

Meta Knight was staring at me in horror. "Kate. Behind you."

I turned around. "Hey, when'd we get this mirror installed? It's a really crummy one, that's for sure, everything's tinted pur---"

OOF!!!

Ow! My reflection smacked me!

Wait a minute. That's no reflection.

"Kate, the Shadow Bugs copied you and created a false doppelganger of you. It thinks of nothing but trying to kill us all. We must defeat it quickly!" Meta Knight said urgently.

"It'd be nice if the thing wasn't exactly like me and knows exactly what I'm going to do," I huffed.

"I will fight it for you!" Meta Knight said.

Just then, Sonic peeled down the corridor. "Whoa, man! Since when did we have two Kates?"

The false me lunged at Sonic. Meta Knight followed her and attempted to pierce her with his sword. She drew her pocketknife and deflected the blade with her bucket.

I was able to get a clear look at her. She was exactly like me: my height, my weight, my clothing, even the bucket and its contents. The only differences were that her eyes, instead of being ocean-blue like mine, were glowing golden with a sinister light, and that her entire body was shrouded in a purple cloud.

"Don't wory, M.K.! I've got this--" Sonic started. But then my doppelganger knocked him down. "On second thought, why don't we do this together? Teamwork, right?"

Meta Knight: Beat up the copy.


"En guarde!" I shouted. "Allez!" I drew Galaxia and slashed toward Kate's copy. The copy swung her bucket and her knife went ablaze.

"It's times like these where I wish I didn't have that flaming knife," Kate complained.

I jumped into the air before False Kate could cleave me in two with that blade. My wings spread and I dove down toward her with my sword in the air. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I roared.

Meanwhile, Sonic was busy spinning into False Kate. "How d'you like that? How d'you like that?" he was taunting, spinning around her and bashing her once in a while. "You're too slow!"

"Sonic! MOVE!" I shouted. Sonic jumped out of the way as I barreled into Kate's clone. However, as I tried to wrestle her to the ground, Kate's copy twisted me under her and began to punch me in the face. I was glad to have the mask. Sonic yanked her off of me and I slashed my sword at her while Sonic held her still. But she turned around and grabbed Sonic's arm, before twisting it.

"What is going on?" asked Puss in Boots, who had run into the room. He saw both Kates. "Holy frijoles---"

"PUSS! GET OUT OF HERE!" Kate screamed, just as the copy let go of Sonic and lunged toward Puss.

"Ay, carumba!" Puss shouted, rolling out of the way, the hair on his back bristling up the way it should for frightened cats.

"Puss! It is not safe! The shadowy clone of Kate is dangerous!" I commanded. "Leave, and warn the others of this new threat!"

As False Kate heard this, she held out her finger and Shadow Bugs poured out of it, skittering down the hallway. "That's not good," Kate observed.

"We must focus on your clone," I replied. "Mind not what she is doing, but take her down!"

"You told me to watch!"

"Riiight..." I said slowly.

I stood awkwardly until I detected motion to my right. False Kate! I spun my sword around and caught her in the stomach. Instead of blood, Shadow Bugs spilled from the wound. Sonic punched her in the face, but False Kate socked him back. I grabbed her shirt and raised my blade, but she twisted around my arm and smashed a pressure point on my back. I howled in pain. False Kate dropped me. She then turned around and slashed Sonic with her knife. The hedgehog was sent sprawling.

She advanced towards Kate. The poor girl was in fear. She was about to kill herself, so to speak.

I heard a faint sputtering and popping noise, like a "chitty-chitty-bang-bang."

It happened quickly. A long motorcar sped toward False Kate, catching her off guard and smashing her in the side, probably breaking all her bones. She began to dissolve as the vehicle ran her over. Kate had stepped back, waiting for the car, and cheering it on. The yellow glow faded from False Kate's eyes as she dissipated into Shadow Bugs. The car made three circuits around the hallway before False Kate was gone.

"Yeah! Go Chitty!" Kate cheered.

"You know this car?" I asked, still shaky from the blow to the back.

"Her name's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I just call her Chitty because it's easier to say. She's an amazing car."

I looked at the vehicle. It was a sight: powered by an airplane engine and four wheels. "She is a nice car, indeed."

>Manfred: Observe the Situation

You are Manfred von Karma, a man whose greatness knows no bounds. You are one of the top ranking Destroyers around, and a survivor of many an onslaught at the hands of the Champions. You have conquered things most wouldn’t dare to approach: you’ve gained the respect and fear of many an amoral ally, you’ve slain many, be them fierce enemies of yours among the Champions, to nay-saying soldiers seeking your demise, and have even finally proved yourself superior over many whom have deemed themselves greater, especially your former employer among the Destroyers, whose very corpse you now use as your armor.

And now you were quite bored.

You sit upon a rather regal throne, not as luxurious as the Destroyer Lords but definitely for one befitting your position. You glance down at your feet, which have been propped up by a Dersite sent to act as your footstool. You then glance forward to what your chair was overseeing: the Mushroom Kingdom.

Yes, you had decided to reside over a base set up above the world inhabited by the heroic-yet-unnamed Toad and his allies, like Daisy and Peach. Pinpointing the exact universe would have been difficult, but destroying another Timeline would probably be just as rewarding. You should probably get to referring to the world as Mario’s World instead of Toad’s World, as more officiated Destroyers seem to lean towards that naming.

Though it is an interesting debate running along the Destroyers. While the more official Destroyers seem to prefer referring to the world as Mario’s World, a few Destroyers and a great percentage of the cannon fodder seem to refer to the world as Toad’s World, mainly because of the highly-known-yet-unnamed Toad among the highest ranks of the Champions, whose deeds are far more known than any Mario in the Champion army.

Nevertheless, be it Mario’s World, Toad’s World, The Mushroom Kingdom, or whatever one may call it, it was about to become a main base for the forces of the Destroyers.

Your eyes dart back to your work: a large, holographic chess board, strewn about with odd figures. One of your higher-ups (you recall that it may have been that mysterious Sindri fellow, who is currently serving under Jack) decided to give you the ever so engaging task of working out tactics for the armies, and plotting the Champions’ next moves.

Great deals of their forces are centered in Theed. A slight, devious grin spreads upon your cybernetic visage; oh, there are many, many things that could be done with the entire faction of the Champions corralled into one area.

However, you have no time to ponder the copious amount of diabolical, horrifying treacheries that could be committed upon the enemies, as your feet clank upon the floor, and you notice the weary Dersite briefly stunned upon the ground, before quickly getting back up to meet your traumatizing gaze.

He starts to sputter incessantly, apologizing for his laziness and misdemeanor, begging for your non-existent forgiveness. You grab him with one massive claw and bring him to eye level. ”Out of the many tasks you could be assigned, you were given one of the most simple, easiest jobs possible, and still you fail that?” You ask rhetorically, knowing full well that the weight given by your vast frame was quite heavy, even at the feet.

”For this, I deem you useless, and unworthy of witnessing the glorious rain of amorality that shall come from the triumph of the Destroyers! You have served as the pedestal for my glorious feet, and now you shall serve that role till your last breath!”

You hold him steadily upon the ground, and lift your mechanical foot up to the head of the poor Dersite. Then, after securing him in place, you relinquish your grasp and push down unto the soldier, slowly crushing the carapace beneath. You can hear cries and screams of terror arising from the alien as you hear sickening crunches begin to arise from the body of the victim.

Finally, after several slow by steady inches of compacting, you feel the full force of the exoskeleton of the Dersite start to kick in, the caraperson now just silently praying to Skaia for help as tears stream down his face. You love crushing the prayers of the innocent! Slowly but surely your foot descends even more, allowing you to watch as the exoskeleton begins to crack, allowing plenty of small streams of blood begin to ooze out.

Finally, you near the ground, the Dersite clearly now dead and organs and other vitals beginning to mesh into a pink hue in the new black and red puddle at your feet. Finally your foot hits the ground. You then lift your foot with some haste to see the damage. Your apathy surely shows as you grin down at the horrifying puddle of blood, vitals, and carapace at your feet. You proceed to stomp upon the puddle once more, twisting your foot around for good measure on the desecration scale.

As you sit back down in your throne, pleased with our work and having ordered for a new Dersite to be presented, you notice at the front of the hall a Dalek, seeming to be on patrol. However, there were two things wrong with this one: it was going rather slowly for usual patrolling Daleks, and more importantly you caught glimpse of something golden wrapped around the odd plunger-arm typical of the frame of that particular species.

You hop up and make your way over to the alien. ”You, Dalek.” You address, pointing at the shelled alien, ”What is that ring you are wearing, and why do you have it?” Indeed, as you get closer, you see that it’s a ring that the being is wearing.

The Dalek turns to face you, its eyestalk blankly staring up at you. ”IT WAS GI-VEN TO ME BY ONE OF THE HII-GHER UPS. IT HAS SO FAR BEEN OF NO OB-SERR-VABLE USE.” It bleeps out, seeming to glance at it every now and then.

”If it is of no use to you, then I suspect you will have no qualms with me confiscating it.”

The Dalek seemed rather neutral at this statement, however, as it glances down at the accessory, you notice that it slowly, very slowly backs up. ”I’D RA-… PRE-… WHAT USE WOULD IT BE TO YOU, SIR MAAN-FRED?”

You roll your spotlight-like eyes, though wondering why the Dalek seems hesitant to obey one who is clearly superior to it. ”I have no use for it. However, it would make a nice accessory. Therefore, I’d like to take it away from you.”

The Dalek seems hesitant once again; it’s eyestalk darting back and forth. It started to stutter, until finally you could pick out, ”I-I CAN’T.”

To this you raise an eyebrow. ”And why not?”

”BECAUSE… BECAUSE IT IS MY PREE-CIOUS.”

You were now growing quite tired of the Dalek’s inability to obey. ”This has gone far enough. Give me the ring now!”

The Dalek was now visibly backing up, nearing the automated glass window separating the room and the void of space. After a bit of hesitant silence, the Dalek shakily responds once more, ”BUT I CAN-NOT.”

”YOU WILL OBEY ME NOW, OR I SHALL-“

However, before you could rip the Dalek in half and obtain the ring yourself, you find yourself quickly leaning back in a Matrix esque way, dodging one of the shots fired off from the Dalek’s laser. As your recover, you see the shelled alien now proceeding to rove towards the wall at quick speeds. ”PRE-CIOUS! PRE-CIOUS!!”

Suddenly, still at full speed, the Dalek charges through the glass, giving off a cry of, ”PRE-CIOOOOOOOOoooooooo-“ as it’s jets begin to kick in, and it rockets away through the cosmos and its words fade into the vacuum.

The windows quickly self-repair, keeping everything from being sucked out of the window. However, you are more curious than relieved, pondering the Dalek’s strange behavior.

Roars of the beast echoed throughout the Northern skies, with its wings persuading the air to tremble around them as it soared through the air fluidly. Its eyes scanned the ground like a bird of prey, and every living thing hid for shelter. The only eyes that remained open, the only eyes that refused to let comforting darkness hide the beast from their reality were the ones of the archer who had them fixed on the kin of Akatosh, crouched next to a boulder at the base of a mountain, overlooking the green plains in Whiterun’s hold. An arrow lay on the string of the bow, relaxed. The bow traced the movements of the dragon, fluid. The string tightened as it was pulled back along with the arrow, hearing only his breathe in his ears, steady. And the reptilian archer who released the string with the arrow cutting the air to meet and caress the flesh along the dragon’s neck, precise.

The dragon roared out in pain and surprise, hissing as it turned its head to meet with its assailant. The Argonian decked light with armor of elven craft stood their unflinching, meeting the eyes of his adversary to challenge. The dragon roared once more as it leaped into the air and stretched out its wings to catch itself and soar overhead of the archer, breathing fire down upon him as he rolled around the border to avoid meeting with the flames. The sneak attack was effective, but seems to have done little to deter the dragon from its focus. The archer grasped the boulder with one hand and leaped up to stand upon it with his bow raised and aimed at the dragon.

Another arrow was quickly loaded onto the string. Holding his breathe he aimed carefully as the dragon flew back towards him. He let go of the arrow, and this one found itself lodged between the beast’s neck and wing, a sensitive area. The dragon let loose with another roar of rage, and flew over the archer’s head, attempting to swipe at him with its back foot, but to the beast’s dismay, the argonian leaped and grabbed the hind leg of the dragon, taking himself wherever it went. The dragon flew to the height of the mountain where Bleak Falls Barrow lay, and violently shook its leg, tossing the archer down to have him meet with the hard old stone of one of the massive archways.

He groaned with discomfort, gripping the bow as tight as he could, while trying to hold onto the slippery, icy stone. Shaking himself back into the right mindset, he grabbed onto the archway carefully set he right to slide down the side of the arch, and as soon as he felt his feet hit the ground he looked up and the dragon was there flying overhead. Instinctively, he immediately pulled out an arrow and shot it at the wing of the dragon, who roared in pain. It disappeared as it fell out of sight and hit the ground in a loud tremble. He ran over to the edge of the cliff to see if it was dead, but no, it was very much alive.

A brown streak was dug through plains where it had crash landed, and it was now crawling towards the mountainside. He smirked as best as a lizard could, and figured the fight was as good as done. That thought didn’t last long when he saw the dragon digging it’s claws into the rocky cliff, and crawling it’s way up at an alarming rate. Now alert once more, the archer ran towards the edge of the barrow on the edge of the mountain where it overlooked the small town of Riverwood, but as he got to the edge, the dragon crawled up the side and found himself mounted back on the edge of the mountain. On the barrow.
“Aam, krilot. You are brave, Dovahkiin. Worthy of lovaas, of song. Krosis… But now you have challenged my thu’um, my zin. My honor!”

The argonian archer hissed. “My name is Krei-Shal! You are no competition for my prowess, beast! May your father have mercy on you in your afterlife!”

“Dir joor dovah! Yol toor shul!”

Fire ignited mere inches in front of Krei-Shal’s face before receive a surprise blast of streaming fire. He would’ve felt his skin and scales sizzle; he would’ve felt the pure agony of being lit aflame by what felt like death himself caressing your skin with gentle loving strokes. The gold-ruby necklace around his neck glistened and glowed as it felt the flames heat, and a ruby red shone out being visible even through the thickness of fire. The dragon’s mouth shut, silencing its thu’um and expecting a charred corpse, but found itself only looking curiously upon him still standing, smoking and covered in ash and charcoal. He felt burns on his flesh, but he was still alive. Still conscious. “My turn!” Krei-Shal hissed. He took a deep breath and gathered his vital essence.

“Fus ro dah!”

The dragon found itself projected backwards off the edge of the cliff and its claws scrambled to hold onto something but the rock merely collapsed beneath its tremendous weight. As if time itself hesitated all was quiet, and nothing made a noise… before the earth the dragon was holding onto for dear life crumbled and the dragon fell to its death along the craggy river that was a mile below. For an instant, he felt proud of his victory. Another dragon bites the dust, as the humans say. He sat himself down at the edge of the barrow overlooking Skyrim. Despite the dragons, the soldiers, the bandits, wolves, bears, saber cats, falmer, spiders, daedra, giants, mechanisms and draugr that all wanted to kill you at a moment’s notice, this truly was a beautiful land; a land that people hardly took the opportunity to notice. He took a deep sigh and the sore muscles finally made their point to Krei-Shal’s brain. He could really use a nice bed – then a giant rift tore through and sucked him in.

God dammit.

The portal squeezed him through and it felt like all of the organs inside him were rearranging themselves before his body finally put itself back in order. He found himself on the rooftops of a large city, larger than any of the holds in Skyrim. It was the largest he has ever seen. It stretched out for miles upon miles. All decorated by the noise of clashing steel and battle.

Wait. Steel and battle?

It was true. He looked down from the balcony into the courtyard and saw monster and creatures that he has never seen everywhere, doubled with explosions left and right. And the bullets… what the hell was this, what kind of weaponry is this! Whose side was he on? He looked behind him to find a way out of this place, but only found an evil, purple manifestation of evil that emanated a shadowy aura. An evil clone of… Toad? By the Hist, this little thing was so fucking ANNOYING. With his pitchy, shrill little voice squabbling about his death is coming near and that death won’t be kind to him. He figured the only way to silence the damn creature was to punt him off the balcony, which got him in line with some deadly laser fire directly in front of a chaos space marine which of course created a small boom enough to effectively damage him and obliterate evil-Toad.

Well damn, that worked out better than he expected. But he had to find a way out of this place, and who was on his side. How did he even get here? He loaded his bow with an arrow, hearing some frantic footsteps running up the stairs inside the building, presumably after he surprised some of enemies outside. He sneaked inside and hid beside a table keeping a good careful aim at the stairwell, ready to intercept whoever came through. This building… it was far more… advanced, so to speak than the homes in Skyrim. The floors were made of marble. Back in Mundus, they saved marble for more special devices, and left the dirty work of being a floor to wood.

Toad: Watch Shadow Bugs fall off a balcony.

I saw a pile of Shadow Bugs fall off a balcony. I watched them fall, screaming in a distorted voice. I shrugged, thinking nothing of it.

Mario was tending to me, watching some charts. "Hey, Mario, don'tcha think that it's a bad idea for all of us to be corralled up in here?" I asked.

"Maybe, what-a with the bombs and all. But we should-a not be worried," Mario said. "Just-a rest."

"Yeah, I've had enough screen time for a while, let's focus on some other characters for once," I said.

"Stop-a breaking the wall."

Dr. Eggman: Come into play. Again.

"FOR PINGAS!" was our battle cry as my regiment of the Dark Alliance charged into battle, led by Scratch and Grounder and me.

I rolled forth in my Egg Bomber, firing cannonballs at Destroyers left and right. Scratch used classic tooth-and-nail fighting to beat up the smaller ones, while Grounder used special tools and drills to destroy the others. However, Grounder was having trouble with a few foes bigger than him...

"Hey! Ugly! You're... uh, big and ugly, and fat! Yeah, you, you big, ugly, fat... um, thing!" Grounder attempted.

One of those Chaos Spawn thingies roared at him and charged. Grounder jumped into the air and mashed his drills into the Chaos Spawn's head. (I'm pretty sure there are some of those out there, I just saw a random giant horn, and, well...)

But I turned around and saw something sneaking up behind me. I whipped out my PINGAS CANNON and a white-hot bolt of energy blasted out of the barrel. "Take this!" I roared over the PINGAS! as the demon behind me fell over and died.

An Eliminator stomped past us, branding several weapons inhaled from the Destroyers, including several of the Space Marines' guns. "ELIMINATE THE DESTROYERS. ELIMINATE THE DESTROYERS."

The head Eliminator clanked toward me. "Something is wrong with my head," he confided. "I have been programmed to destroy both factions, however, because Lord Megatron demands that we help the Champions, the orders are beginning to conflict. I swear, it's a headache."

"Ah, don't sweat it. You only have to worry about it if you absolutely despise a certain member of the Champions. Then you'd go berserk like Metal Sonic. But you don't have any nemeses on the good guys' side."

I turned my PINGAS CANNON and fired another white-hot bolt of energy at a group of wolves toting a cannon. Then I rolled over their remains. "This is much more enjoyable when every Destroyer around us is in misery..."

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: Fly again.

As Meta Knight and Sonic were hauled off to the infirmary by two Confederates, Kate eyed Chitty. "Are you alive?" she asked. "Really, truly alive?"

Chitty honked twice as if in response to the question.

Violet walked in. "Um, hello, Chitty," she said to the car.

Chitty seemed to dip a bit. "It's OK, Violet was just confused," Kate said to Chitty.

"Hey!" the other girl indignantly complained.

But then Chitty honked really loudly. "AAAAHHH!!!" Kate screamed, turning her head toward the car. "What's wrong?!"

Chitty beeped twice and flickered her headlights. Kate looked to the left and then looked at Violet seriously. "We have to leave. Now."

"What? I'm not---" Kate hoisted Violet up, fireman-style (it was probably embarrassing for Violet) and tossed her into the backseat of Chitty. Kate hopped into the shotgun seat.

"Chitty, you're in charge now. Get us out of here!" Kate cried.

The car honked twice, then sputtered. "Right, the hand crank," Kate muttered, jumping out, giving the hand crank several sharp twists...

POP! It came off in her hand! Kate looked at it, panic rising. She tried to shove it back in the hole. Whatever was chasing them was coming closer and closer...

Kate took a deep breath and jammed the crank into the hole, then gave a few more sharp twists before jumping back into Chitty, twisting the ignition.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang roared to life. As if in response, her headlights blazed on and her wheels spun. "Go, Chitty, go!" Kate cried. The car chittied twice, banged twice, then peeled off.

And Chitty drove straight off a balcony.

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Kate screamed.

"Yes, I believe death's imminent," Violet agreed.

The two girls screamed.

All of a sudden, they weren't dead. Kate leaned over and saw that two wings had unfurled from Chitty's sides. The car honked as if it were laughing. "I think Chitty just duped us," Kate said. She banged the dash. "You mischievous little car!" she chided.

Chitty indignantly banged, then took a nosedive. "AAAHHH!!!!" Kate and Violet screamed as the car took a steep drop, letting a laser bolt fly over them. "Chitty saved us!" Violet gasped.

Kate looked up, and saw what was chasing them. "Oh... my..."

Kate could have sworn that was an Orange Star tank. She did a double take, and gasped.

The thing was a tank, but something was wrong. Tentacles jutted out from cracks all over the place. Wings had unfurled from the tank's heavy carapace, and the gun had elongated into a snapping trap full of sharp teeth, which fired bolts of energy. The treads were still in place, though the wheels were now spiked on the sides.

"What the heck is that?" she asked.

"Don't ask me," Violet replied.

Chitty beeped and swerved to the left as another bolt flew past them. "This is really infuriating," Violet complained.

All of a sudden, an explosion rocked the car and sent it spiraling to the left. Chitty regained balance and flew around. "Oh, hey, Jenny!" Kate called.

The robot girl waved. "I'll hold this guy off!"

"'Kay!" Kate called.

Chitty beeped in agreement and swung around. The car dove toward the field of battle. "Chitty, are you sure this is safe?" Kate asked.

The car beeped in disagreement. Then it flew overhead. The ringing of Gatling gun fire resonated in Kate's and Violet's ears. "CHITTY, THIS IS REALLY LOUD! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!!!" Kate cried.

Chitty honked and pulled up, barely missing a missile.

The car glided through the air, the propellers on her wings spinning quickly. Kate looked at the carnage going on. She still couldn't believe she was part of it.

LOCATION: The Mushroom Kingdom

Luigi grinned at Shen. In a rage, the peacock had battered Luigi to near-death. The younger brother was breathing heavily. "So, how's-a the elite minion now?" he jeered.

"Silence, fool," Shen snarled, "or I shall tear your throat out."

Luigi smirked. "You know, you-a always were a big fat jerk. It's-a fun to see you put in your place.)

"I SAID SILENCE!" Shen slapped Luigi across the face. The plumber kept his grin though. "In any moment, Mario's-a gonna come and beat you to a pulp."

"Not for long, he won't. The Daemons are merciless. There is no way the Destroyers will lose now."

"I dunno, it seemed like Nemesis was the most notorious of the bunch, yet he failed miserably."

Shen smacked Luigi again.

A burly wolf clomped in. "We captured these two from the Disney universe," he growled, dumping two cartoon figures on the ground.

"BWAHBWAHBWAHBWAH! Honestly, people have no manners these days!" blubbered the first one. He was a white mallard wearing a sailor's cap and a blue jacket, along with a red bow tie. "Nobody messes with Donald Duck!"

The wolf punched Donald in the bill, before jabbing the other in the rear end with a claw. "DAAAA-HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!" screamed the other figure, flying seventy feet into the air before crashing into the ceiling and falling back down. The figure was a tall, lanky, goofy-looking dog with an orange cap, green jacket, blue jeans, and floppy brown shoes. His black ears hung low.

This was Goofy.

"A-hyuck! Could someone tell me what's going on here--- AAAAHHH!!!" The wolf grabbed Goofy's arm and twisted it behind Goofy's back.

"Stop! You're-a gonna hurt 'em!" Luigi cried.

Shen smiled evilly. "That is the point, beanpole."

Theed; 3rd Person

Phoenix was used to directing the battles from behind the scenes. Sure, he knew how to fight, albeit he severely lacks the mastery over his newfound powers, but ultimately he does not enjoy running headlong into a maelstrom of shouting and firepower. Although he could duel, having at least a basic knowledge of most weapons, he was no one-man-army.

This would be the reason why, if one were to look towards him and his general direction, they would see him running frantically for his life, performing astounding vaults across cars and dodging soldiers and pedestrians left and right.

If one were to gaze as to what he was running from, one would see hordes of Ing-possessed Chaos Space Marines charging after him, firing off shots that mocked the factors that usually suppressed most forms of firepower. The charge would usually rage, in that only very few shots would actually strike the direct back of the Champion; most would either just graze him, miss, or be deflected by a subconscious wall of Orange Sun energy.

However, as the attorney now ran upon the sidewalk adorning the buildings, it seemed that he had immediately dashed into an alleyway, to which many of the corrupted super soldiers dashed into, thinking that he was now getting away.

However, a clever few of the Chaos Space Marines, lingered in the back of the group, and eventually stopped upon nearing the entrance of the alleyway, Glancing at each other, they grasped their Marks of Tzeentch, in a hope to imbue upon themselves but a mere, tiny fraction of the Warp God’s vast cleverness.

While not exactly the way they wanted it to be bestowed, the dark, Ing aura around them grew, causing them to spasm violently from the extended possession, until they noticed that all their auras were now forming large spikes, all pointing towards inside the building, which was apparently a hotel.

Taking the hints, the spikes shrunk, allowing the CSMs to move on their free will (if it could even be called that). However, as the group dashed through the windows and walls, the spikes still somewhat remained, giving them just the slightest of staggers, but paying off in that the spikes acted as a compass.

The group looked around the lobby, noticing that the spikes were pointing up. As they were about to dash up, the small group (the group consisted of 7) looked about each other. One of them nodded, understanding the hint that they were alluding to, and headed into the kitchen while the others proceeded to ascend the stairs.

The Chaos Space Marine whom stayed behind made his way through the kitchen, until finding what he wanted: a knife. Not a large, meat-cutting cleaver, but a small blade, like those mainly used for cutting butter. As the elite mook held the utensil in one hand, he grabbed his Mark of Khorne, feeling that vicious corner of Chaos flowing through him.

Making his way out to the lobby, he quickly dashed into the beginning of the hallway of rooms. Then, slowly, methodically, he kicked down the door of one of the rooms, making his way inside to see a family cowering in a corner. However, as the husband of the family proceeded to rise, apparently in a vain attempt to protect his family, the CSM was upon him, quickly and gruesomely turning the near-harmless utensil into a blade matching that of any crafted by most blacksmiths.

As the kid began to wail in terror, the CSM took the butter knife once more and made several implausibly fast slashes through the child and mother, turning them into mincemeat.

As the soldier exited the room, he remembered the list of rooms there were in the building. Great, just a couple thousand more to go.

~

And so Wright continued to dash up the stairs, knowing that the lucky few were not far behind him. Finally, after deciding that this was far enough, he entered the door to one of the floors, and placed a wall of energy in front of it, in hopes that it will slow them down.

Deciding to get out of sight as quickly as possible, the Ace Attorney dashed into one of the rooms, hopping it to be unoccupied. So far, he didn’t notice anyone in particular in the room, sighing with relief. With a glance back at the door separating him, the hallway, the stairwell, and the oncoming super soldiers, he slumped down, wiping the sweat off his brow.

As Phoenix sat there, wondering as to how he was going to get out of this mess, he looked around the room. First he noticed the television off to the side; He wondered what the news channels had to say about all this. Then he noticed that windows; Using a bit of deduction, he guessed that the building the window was facing was either destroyed, or much shorter than the one they were in, meaning that a quick escape could be improvised. His eyes glanced down to then notice the lizard-man in gold, ancient-looking armor, who just so happened to be aiming a bow and arrow directly at his face.

Of course, Phoenix could only mutter a small, ”Oh…” as he began to realize his full situation.

Krei-Shal kept his eyes focused as the noise coming from the stairwell got louder and louder, hearing the echos of his own heartbeat gradually picking up pace. Back home he was fearless – here, it felt as if he was back in Helgen facing the execution block. He heard crashing far down below, possibly on the first or second floor. He had a feeling he was going to be taken by storm by whatever these new foes were. Without warning a man in a blue suit and spiked hair leaped from the stairwell. Instinctively, the fingers released the string, but at that same time, morality struck him. This man hardly looked dangerous, and he looked more panicked than anything. He fingers on the hand that was holding the main arc of the bow quickly moved out to grab the arrow before it met it would be target (causing a small but insignificant burn), and just in time too. He watched Phoenix and slowly stood up from his crouching position, notching the arrow back on the string just in case, only pulling back an inch or so. He slowly paced his way towards the newcomer until he was only about fifteen feet away, inspecting him. Yes, he was human. The scent of his sweat was unmistakable. With his bow pointed down at the center of his head, slowly, his lips parted to speak.
"Who are you?" Krei-Shal hissed, "Speak quickly, unless you feel the need to join your ancestors in So--" his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you? Nord? Imperial? Speak, human!"

The string of his bow flexed backwards and Krei-Shall pulled it away.

Magnus: Search the Mushroom Kingdom.

I don't even know how I got here, or how he got here.

But as long as the Underworld is here, there is no safety for the humans, or anyone, for that matter.

I swung my sword toward a group of Skuttlers that were marching a chain of prisoners. The prisoners looked to be small people with mushroom heads, but they did not look like Underworld spawn.

I quickly dispatched the Skuttlers and slashed the chains that held the prisoners. "Thanks, big man!" the youngest of them said. But I paid no mind. My real target had taken residence somewhere else...

MEANWHILE...

LOCATION: Sarasaland

With Daisy gone, and the Ing running amok, Sarasaland had fallen into a state of disrepair much like that of the Mushroom Kingdom. This was mostly at the fault of Tatanga, a purple alien who piloted a space ship called the Pagosu. However, once the Underworld Army moved in, the kingdom became a suitable base for the Destroyers.

All they had to do was kick out the denizens, such as the Goombos and the Bombshell Koopas.

But the head of the whole operation was a dark lord. This dark lord had on heavy armor, with enormous horns curling from the helmet. Spikes abound on the shoulder plates and knee guards of the lord's armor, and a pair of green eyes glowed inside the helmet. Enormous steel arms and legs ended in hands with talons and Dutch clogs, respectively.

This was the Dark Lord Gaol.

Green steam poured from the chinks in Gaol's armor as the lord watched through a view screen in Daisy's usurped castle. The symbol of the Underworld was draped over where Daisy's signature flower tapestries had hung. Dark suits of armor lined the castle walls, and the castle itself seemed to have become dimmer than usual. The eternal twilight of the Ing didn't help much for its appearance, either.

Gaol watched Magnus slash left and right, the man crushing Underworld Skuttlers and hacking apart Monoeyes.

Gaol chuckled a low, growly chuckle. "Ah, Magnus. Your resistance is admirable, but truly futile," the Dark Lord said. "Your end is destined to be here, in this grotesquely cheerful castle."

A portrait of Daisy had been torn down and replaced with one of Medusa, the leader of the Underworld Army. Gaol looked at the portrait. "Soon, the fate of the Omniverse shall be sealed, and all shall perish under the wrath of the-- GAAHH!!"

Pain coursed through Gaol's body as the green steam flared up. Smoke began to curl from Gaol's palms, and the lord's helmet began to smoke.

The pain subsided, and Gaol resumed observing Magnus. "Yes, resistance is futile..."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Wiggler stood in front of Peach's castle, afraid that someone was going to come in and destroy everything. She kind of needed this castle, so it would be a convenience if nobody would come and break it.

And---

AAAARRRH!!!!!

Oh, hello, there. It's me, Resetti. I'm going to keep an eye out on this place, so if anybody so much as TOUCHES the castle walls...

GRRRRAAAHHHH!!!!

...Hooh.... Sorry. I can't even bear to THINK about someone destroying a nice castle like this! If they do, I'll put a pickax through their skulls and reset the castle!

Oh, and brush your teeth! They reek. Halitosis is for punks! Now... SCRAM!

Wiggler: Okay then.

Well, the castle's safe in Resetti's claws.

Wiggler shrugged and looked to the left, seeing a dark glow (and an oxymoron) in the far distance. Wiggler recognized the area as the general direction of Daisy's kingdom: Sarasaland.

Wiggler jumped into the Mario Kart again and drove off toward the kingdom.

After driving for about ten minutes, all of a sudden, Wiggler was flipped over by a laser cannon. The caterpillar faceplanted on the ground, getting a mouthful of dirt. A Skuttler tromped over and prepared to kill him, but Wiggler had stocked up on items on the way. He whipped out a red shell and hurled it at the Skuttler. The red shell homed in on the Skuttler's eye and knocked it out cold. Wiggler then proceeded to stomp all over the Skuttler before producing a baseball bat and bashing it over its enormous forehead.

Two shapes flew over his head. Further examination revealed that they were two parts of the same Skuttler. Wiggler turned his gaze to a man that was cutting apart the Underworld troops like they were no big deal.

But when a giant, green, flying whale called a Belunka appeared, it spat out several Miks and Specknoses, while a legion of Collins, brassy, possessed suits of armor, charged the man and surrounded him.

The Miks wrapped their tongues around the man's hands, while the Specknoses dropped bombs on the man. The Collins began to beat on him using their fists, all the while Phils, eyeballs with trailing tails, spawning from the Collins' eye sockets.

Wiggler charged over to help him, brandishing the bat. He swung wildly, breaking a Specknose's nose, knocking a Mik's teeth out, badly denting three Collins in a row, blinding seven Phils, and smashing another Specknose's glasses. Meanwhile, the intricate twisting motions Wiggler made confused the troops, causing two Mik tongues to tangle, a Specknose to get its eyes stuck in another's nostrils, two Collins to clock each other in the face, and six Phils crashing into their host Collins' eye sockets, causing them to stumble about blindly.

This allowed the man to escape. "Huh, a caterpillar. Not help that you'd expect, but it'll do. My name's Magnus, by the way. Don't hit me, and we should get along just fine."

Wiggler nodded.

"You don't talk much, do you?" asked Magnus.

If only he knew.

Wiggler charged at the Belunka, dipping low, then jumping into the air for a fantastic quadruple-kick in the jaw, followed by a home-run smash in the mouth, and ending with a Bob-Omb planted in a tooth socket.

BOOM! The Belunka wailed as it went down, crashing into the ground and exploding.

Magnus began to walk away. Wiggler followed him, and grabbed him by the back of the collar. Wiggler then wrote some words in the dirt:

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING"

"Me? There's a dark aura over there that I'm going to check out. I've been paid to take out this dark lord... assuming I'll get back, the reward is huge."

Wiggler nodded, then tagged along for a while. Wiggler himself was headed that way, anyway.

"So, you here for a piece of the pie, too?" asked Magnus, when he noticed Wiggler clomping alongside him. Wiggler shrugged, not knowing what Magnus was talking about. He stopped Magnus, then wrote in the dirt again:

"THIS LAND WAS TURND DARK BY EVUL FORSES"

"Didn't go to school, huh?" asked Magnus. Wiggler shook his head, and continued.

"IM TRING TO FIND THE SORCE OF THE DARKNESS SO THAT THE MUSHROOM KINGDUM CAN BE HAPY AGAN"

Magnus nodded. "You're trying to save the kingdom, right? Admirable, especially for a caterpillar. You've got guts... what's your name?"

"WIGGLER"

"Well, Wiggler, you've certainly got gall. You willing to stand up to Gaol?"

"WHOS GAL?"

"Gaol is the Dark Lord of the Underworld Army," explained Magnus. "The lord usually resides in a castle of some sort, and seems to be fully absorbed in the dark doings of the Underworld."

"BAD?"

"Yes, though..." Magnus looked down. Wiggler eyed him suspiciously. "Eh, it's nothing. If you want to save your world, then you will have to cleanse this place of the Underworld Army, and any of their allies, as well."

Wiggler nodded. He wrote again:

"LETS GO."

They trekked on toward Sarasaland with burning ambition, but Wiggler couldn't help but wonder what that shadow that passed over Magnus's face was.

Hotel Room; Phoenix

Having obtained my fair share of flinching from many of the instances in my current situation, I’ve managed to deduce a few things about the scene. First and foremost being the lizard-man in the steampunky (though it’s starting to look green now) armor. He was clearly not one of the local residents of Theed. He also had skills worthy of any one of the Champions and Destroyers (which I, at no time, doubt he was one of them).

”Urrgh…” I stammered sheepishly, ”Nord? Imperial? Er, no, I’m not Swedish or… I guess Imperial means Roman? But no, I’m Californian. Wait, you probably don’t even know half the things I said. Okay, where to start explaining…”

”From the looks of it, you’re from some medieval time of some sort, so I’m going to guess some High Fantasy world. You’re currently countless years in the future, per say. Actually, you’re in an entirely different world, a whole new dimension, and shall I go so far to say that you’ve landed in a different universe? Usually people are lost by now, but I don’t have much time so I’m trying to make as much sense as possible while still saving time for us to not get ripped to bits.”

“Now then, some giant being made of Hate itself decided it would be funny to call forth and summon all these heroes, called Champions, who are trying to protect the Omniverse (will explain later) from Chaos (also will explain later), and villains, called Destroyers, who either worship and ally themselves with Chaos or some other dark entity aligned with them or side with them for their own personal gain, and everything in between, who usually just side with whoever, although many like to throw their lots in with the Dark Alliance, who are basically Destroyers but not too totally monstrous and fight on our side, for some reason or another, to have an all-out brawl against each other.”

“Wow, I think that was the longest sentence I’ve ever said. I gotta work more on cutting those off at points.” Slowly, picking myself off the floor, trying to hold out my hand in a clear message of peace and ‘don’t shoot me bro’, I managed to get back on my feet.

“But yeah, so most likely I’m hoping you help out the Champions, I myself being one of them, the name’s Phoenix Wright by the way, but I can’t really control that. I feel like I need some kind of ability to just look at people’s aura and tell whether they’re Champion or Destroyer, but eh that’ll probably never happen. So yeah, we’re currently trapped in here, and behind a few walls are some angry fully-armored super soldiers who worship this Chaos stuff who want to blow us to bits, and what th-“

”Nevermore.”

Here’s where the second thing I noticed came into play. At first it looked like some kind of decoration, probably some metalwork or maybe even a taxidermy-made statuette, but the mainly noticeable thing about it was that it was a Raven, which happened to be pointed right at this affair going on. Sharp, beguiling eyes were fixed on us, as though calmly judging the entire event. My attention was truly and finally upon it, however, when it started to move, and even managed to speak that one word.

Quickly, my basic knowledge of literature hit me, and I recognized the bird as the Raven from Poe’s poem. I tilted a bit to the left to obtain a better look, wondering why exactly the black bird was so intent on us, and more importantly, how the heck did it get inside. However, with a flurry of feathers and a rustling of air, the Raven darted across the furniture and through the room, only to land at my side, next to the door. Staring up at me with cold, beady eyes, it simply echoed, ”Nevermore.”

“THE WALL IS DOWN! THE TARGET AWAITS! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!”

I could hear the clunky footsteps of the Chaos Space Marines proceeding to dash up the stairwell once more, apparently now that the wall I had set up manage to vanish for some reason.

Glancing at the lizard-man, I proceeded to dash through the room, across the furniture, and towards the windows, all the while shouting instructions as fast as I can, ”OkaysoIhavenotimetoexplainbutIhopeyouhavesomewaytobreakafallbecauseouronlyhopenowistojumpoutthiswindow- CRAP I HAVE MADE TERRIBLE MISTAAAAAAAAA-“

As I manage to burst through the window, I see that my guess was right and this hotel overlooked a smaller building, one with one of those fancy roof-gardens. Despite the drop, I managed to hit the rooftop of the other building, and survive the incredible fall (those powers sure do come in handy).

I backed up a bit and looked back at the window. Now to hope that the lizard-man managed to make it out. Seeing that they were smart enough to see through my wall-phasing gimmick, they were most likely smart enough to block all ventilation shafts, meaning that the window was the only hope of escape.

Mario (Toad?) Space, Destroyer Space Base

Static proceeded to flicker across the wavelengths, until finally the signal had been made, the signal between two universes. Von Karma’s mechanical, foreboding voice reached across the radiowaves, and he proceeded to speak with Gaol. ”I am hearing that you have managed to conquer the timeline you were assigned to. Excellent, soon we will have a sizable base within this metaverse.”

“I must warn you, while the great majority of Champions are currently locked in Theed, I am obtaining reports that some have not been directly warped over to the majority upon their entry into the tourney. Heh, knowing our luck, there are some that have spawned in these very timelines. But whatever, your propagation of your army is useful, as they do provide as fine soldiers among our ranks. Soon I will have managed to crush the major figures within my timeline, and our victory in this realm will be assured.”

LOCATION: Daisy's Dark Lord Gaol's Castle

"Understood," Gaol said to Manfred. "Failure is not an option---"

Suddenly, the castle rocked. "What is this?!" roared the lord.

Gaol rushed outside and found that the Aurum were attacking. The geometric swarm with the intent of reducing the Omniverse to nothing.

"Underworld forces! Engage the Aurum, NOW!" Gaol shouted.

The Aurum and the Underworld's aerial forces clashed in the airspace around Sarasaland. Gaol could not concentrate on plans with all this clamor going on. The lord grumbled and turned into the castle, looking for a quieter place to formulate ideas and plans to repel anybody who would try to storm the castle.

Especially Magnus.

LOCATION: The Forest Maze



Wiggler: Be lost.

Wiggler threw his four hands up in frustration. They were lost!

Magnus turned to him. "You okay, caterpillar?"

Wiggler grumbled and crossed his arms, before looking at another path. He covered his eyes and picked using the old "Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo" tactic.

He was still deciding when Magnus heard an explosion and a flash, and a distorted voice coming from the other path. Magnus ran down that way.

Wiggler jumped up in surprise and followed.

Wiggler emerged from the forest when a dark purple disc of energy sailed over his head. Wiggler ducked and covered his face, then peeked out.

Magnus was busy battling a shady humanoid figure with spines protruding from its wooden hide. It looked as if to be an Ing-possessed monster...

The Ing-possessed wooden figure was clad in a blue cloak that had been tainted with the force of the Ing: it had faded to a darker shade of blue and the fringe was changed to purple. The wood that comprised its body was blackened and thorned on the shoulders, and its eyes were completely red.

This was a puppet called Geno. Geno used to be inhabited by a star being called ♥♪!?, but since ♥♪!? had left, Geno had gone back to being a normal puppet.

But now, Geno was being used as a puppet of the Destroyers, used to weed out the remaining resistance of the Mushroom Kingdom.

And Wiggler and Magnus did count as resistance.

The Ing-possessed Geno puppet did retain some of ♥♪!?'s abilities, though, including the potentially devastating Geno Whirl. Wiggler didn't really like Geno anyway, he had landed Wiggler's third cousin in the hospital the last time in the forest maze.

Appropriate Listening:


"What is this guy? Some sort of Pinnochio knockoff?" Magnus muttered.

Wiggler shrugged. Then he whipped out his bat and set off to clobber Geno. Magnus swung his sword at the puppet, but the wooden man floated into the air as if held by strings, hanging eerily limp by nonexistent, figurative cords.

The Ing-possessed Geno raised an arm and black lightning arced toward Magnus and Wiggler. Magnus rolled to the side, but Wiggler wasn't ready. The caterpillar yelped in pain and curled to the ground, going unconscious. Wiggler's eyes fluttered, as he felt himself being dragged into the bushes.

He went unconscious.

Magnus: Continue the fight.

That was a close one. I can't say I don't feel sorry for the poor guy. He was starting to grow on me.

But I've got a job to do. Anybody that gets in between me and Gaol is the next one on the chopping block.

I hefted my sword. "I'm going to chop this puppet into kindling," I grumbled.

The puppet raised its arm to blast me with its lightning. Heh, what a predictable little splinter.

I ducked out of the way just as the lightning was about to strike, before coming in close and hacking with my sword. I kicked the puppet in the face, before bringing the sword down again, shearing off a chunk of its head. Black energy began to spew from the puppet's gash, repairing it with dark matter.

"I'm done playing action figures. I'm not going to toy with this puppet any longer." I swung my sword and brought the flat of the blade down upon the other side of the puppet's head. I heard a satisfying crunch and saw several chunks of wood and a few steel nails fly off of the head, changing to the normal brown color of natural wood. Before the gash could heal, I swung my blade again and caught it just as the gash was beginning to heal. I then kicked the puppet down and twisted it into the ground with my foot. "Driftwood," I spat.

But the puppet kicked me off of it and socked me in the face. "Getting physical, huh?" I lowered my sword and socked the puppet in the wooden face. "How'd you like that?" I then kicked the puppet again before bringing my blade around and slashing the puppet's chest. A gash appeared in the wood as shavings fluttered all over the place. The puppet's red eyes went blank as they shrank into pupil-less irises. However, the puppet itself was not done yet. Two black tentacles emerged from the gash and changed into a sword and a cannon, respectively. One more tentacle burst from the puppet's side, taking out a large wood panel and grabbing it like a shield. The top half of the puppet's body snapped, and hung oddly from the rear end of the puppet. A single red eye opened in the middle of the mass of tentacles.

"That's... wrong," I said, staring at the monstrosity.

MEANWHILE...

Wiggler's eyes fluttered open. Another Wiggler, whose flower was tinted red, was looking down on him. Wiggler's eyes widened. It was his third cousin.

"That puppet beat you down?" asked Wiggler's cousin in Wiggler-speak.

"Yep," Wiggler sighed.

"Well... it's made of wood, so it'd make sense to burn it. I think there's a terrible evil inside of the puppet. It's not really ♥♪!? anymore."

"How did you pronounce his name?"

"I said, 'heart, eighth-note, exclamation point, question mark.'"

"I guess that makes sense. Do you have anything that can set fire easily?"

"Yep. A camper left these out somewhere," Wiggler's cousin said, handing Wiggler a cigarette lighter. "I thought these were banned years ago in the Mushroom Kingdom, you know, to clean the air. Sheesh. And the princess still uses steam power."

"Ah, well, it is what it is. Thanks, coz," Wiggler said.

"No problem. The only hard thing is getting close to the puppet. Burn that guy to ashes for me, will ya?"

Wiggler nodded and rustled into the bushes. His cousin smiled. The older Wiggler liked the younger Wiggler's courage.

Wiggler: FINISH HIM.

Wiggler charged out, yelling a Wiggler yell, and brandishing the lighter. Magnus was trying to get past the wooden shield, which somehow had gained the consistency of metal. Wiggler had turned red in a rage, and slammed into Geno with such a force that the shield splintered in two. Wiggler socked the mass of tentacles in the face and brought the lighter across its torso and legs, causing them to smolder and catch fire. Wiggler then shoved the lighter into the black mass's eye, the light badly burning the Ing-mass and causing it to shrivel up. In retrospect, Wiggler thought it was pretty disgusting, but in a rage, Wiggler didn't care. He then punched the flaming Geno with four gloved hands before finally tearing the wooden puppet in two with one sharp movement.

Wiggler faded to yellow, breathing heavily.

Magnus was gaping at him. "You know what, Wiggler? You actually aren't that bad of a fighter." Magnus helped Wiggler up. "I usually work alone, caterpillar, but I think I can make an exception with you."

Wiggler scratched some words with his bat:

"WHY WORK ALON"

"It has to do with Gaol... I'll tell you later," Magnus said. "There's the exit to the maze."

Wiggler threw his hands up. It was there all along?! He stomped into the exit, fuming at his own thickness.