Dimensional clash V: The Blood God's Wrath; Act VI: Dawn of War

Percy: Answer.

Rats. Just when I was chillin' in the Argo.

"Alright, then," I said. "Leo, can you radio Magolor and tell him to open a portal for us?"

"No problemo!" Leo said, promptly radioing Magolor.

"Aw, man!" I heard Magolor yell. "I was just getting comfy."

The portal opened, and Leo steered the Argo II toward the portal.

Whoops. While we were gone, the city fell into disrepair. And that's the nicest way I could put it. "You want me to jump?!" I cried. "Flying isn't exactly up Poseidon's alley!"

Jason Grace walked up behind me. "Hmm. No parachutes? That's a problem."

He grabbed me tightly. "Alright, hold on. Percy Jackson, right?"

"Yep," I said. "Okay, let's jump."

We leapt out of the Argo II's side.

Our descent was slowed by Jason's power of flight. As the son of Zeus, he could do that.

Funny. I never understood why Thalia couldn't fly. Perhaps she just didn't want to, she was afraid of heights. (Oops! Don't tell her I said that!)

We slowed to a halt about a foot off the ground, where Phineas and Ferb and crew were busy sleeping. "C'mon, let's leave the sucker snoring!" I said, gesturing toward the green bean man with the rocket helmet.

I shook the two kids and they woke up. "Zzz-huh?" Phineas yelped. "Oh, Percy, what time is---"

"No time for that! We've gotta stop an evil sea monster!"

Unfortunately, that also woke up an evil librarian with a book. "You aren't getting away, bookworms!" he snarled, opening his book and attempting to suck us in.

A car drove up behind us and dumped us all in the passenger seat, while the Hulk shook himself awake and ran after the car.

A bump in the road woke Kate and Violet up with a start. "Zzz-whuzza?" Kate muttered, jolting upright. "Wait, where are we--"

"No time for that!" I said, grabbing the steering wheel of the car and swerving down an alley. "We have to get to the Condesce, and fast!"

"Problem!" Violet shrieked, looking behind us and seeing the Destroyers running after the Hulk at unimaginable speed.

"HULK CRUSH PUNY PROBLEM!" the Hulk roared, bashing the ground underneath and creating a shockwave that catapulted our pursuers into the air.

"Meh, anticlimactic, but it'll do," Kate said, shrugging.

We rounded another corner before finally reaching the Condesce.

Actually, in retrospect, I probably should have brought more people...

"Hey! Fishfood!" I hollered. Kate and Violet yelped. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

Appropriate listening:

The condesce, now something that only resembled a troll in the same way the deep ones resembled humans, set her eyes on percy, a snarl forming on her lips, exposing teeth that should not have been able to fit in her mouth. Barking out something in a language that no one in percy's group was likely to understand, she reared her head back and stretched herself out to her full height before letting out an earth shaking roar, with the occasional flashes of lightning and the crashes of thunder seeming to provide a backdrop as the residual psychic energy from the "Ragnarok detonation" started to create a storm as it interacted with the dark matter in the atmosphere.

Taking out her trident, she returned to her somewhat hunched over position, coiling a bit before charging forward, leaping into the fray and landing in front of percy before stabbing the trident forward while her guards followed her lead. With a quick motion, she stamped her foot on the ground to create a dark shockwave of energy to attack the foes around her, followed by her lurching her head forward, opening her mouth, which began to split apart like the mandibles of some form of insect, an ululating shriek coming from her throat as dark purple energy began to coalesce inside of her mouth. The energy reached a crescendo, forming a swirling dark ball that was then launched forward to hopefully explode amidst the ranks of her enemies.

Each of her guards went off after their own individual targets while the condesce crackled with some of the power of the green sun, a crackle that was followed by a downward stab with her trident to try and impale the ascended god, hissing and spitting with incoherent anger. Twisting away from percy with a spinning motion, she brought her trident forward for another stab as her guards launched their own attacks on the champions accompanying Percy. Deep rage seemed to emit from her, possibly caused by the incineration of her favoured pet, one that she showed with another furious uppercutting stabbing motion as she stepped forward on cloven feet.

Tentacles on her back began to lash out at Percy like whips, each of them hardening and sharpening themselves as they sliced through the air to try and lacerate him. The monstrously powered ruler of the Trolls then began a series of rapid swings with her trident, swinging it to the left to try and smack percy with it's side before making a sweep with it's blunt end across the ground followed by a hammerblow with her free fist and a forward twirl of the trident to bring it around to try and skewer her enemy once again.

Just as she was preparing to bring herself in for another footstomp, an arc of white hot psychic lightning streaked through the dark air and slammed into her side, causing her to shriek in a furious manner while a series of blaster bolts slammed into her back exploding in blinding detonations. This was followed by the form of Captain Fordo leaping down from a passing LAAT/i gunship, facing downwards and spinning as he descended to the ground, firing off his twin blaster pistols to spit forth a virtual wall of blue bolts that rained down upon her.

Thunder crashed once again, the whole of the battlefield, permanently darkened and caught in a perpetual red and purple gloom lighting up as rain began to pour down. Another crash, this time from another bolt of psychic energy, or more correctly, five brilliant blue-white ovoids that streaked through the air with a high pitched whine. Turning around and snarling as she was hit with the psychic energy, the Condesce saw Farseer Macha, clad in her gleaming white and green armour.

An ing warrior tried to stop her from getting any closer but with a graceful, almost ballerina like twirl, the fiery haired psychic elf slashed her psychically charged singing spear across the eye of the ing, causing it to ignite with psychic flame before she backflipped over the sweep of an Alternian commando's blade, gracefully placing hundreds of pistol launched monomolecular shurikens into his head, causing it to explode into an indigo puree.

Kaptin Bluddflagg charged at one of the condesce's guards, bellowing his challenge to the roaring Bloodthirster, wreathed in the bloody fires of Khorne and clad in brass armour, it's whip and axe promising bloody death to all who came near this greater daemon of the Blood God. "TIME FER FIGHTIN'!" The pirate hat wearing ork bellowed out as he swung his hammer out at the daemon, smashing into it's side before a daemonic axe came crashing down on his shoulder, cutting through the armour and into the flesh, leading it to bring it's left fist down like a hammer on his head before kneeing him in the chest and wielding it's wings like fists to punch him away, sending the ork flying and then flopping onto the ground with a roll.

But before the daemon could celebrate bluddflagg shot into it's chin repeatedly, causing the daemon to reel back. Already the injuries bluddflagg sustained were knitting themselves, and he was once again standing, seeming to smile with glee more than anything else. "Heheheh...dat all ya got chaosboy?" Bluddflagg said as he spat out some teeth knocked out of his mouth and some blood before charging back at the beast. He swung his hammer upwards in a crushing knockout blow that sent the daemon reeling upwards and off it's feet, and then he bit into it's leg and used his hulking neck muscles to bring the thing back down once more.

But the manifestation of bloody death on the battlefield was not so easily defeated. If anything, the prospect of battle with worthy opponents filled it with greater strength, and it's warpflesh was knitting itself. While most would feel only despair from this, bluddflagg only saw a better fight. With a roar he charged into battle once again, delighted by the challenge he was confronted with.

In the mean time, a heavily armoured blueblood royal guardstroll, clad in heavy plate armour made out of an unknown, but likely nearly indestructible material, one who was obviously genetically altered to serve the Condesce better as a royal guard, being much larger than was normal for a troll at thirteen feet tall, and given a diet of lususmilk to further boost his strength to tremendous levels, broke ranks and charged at the hulk, determining him to be a threat to his lady.

Percy: Slash.

"Too dumb for words, huh?" I joked, before the Condesce spat her dark ball of energy and created the shockwaves.

Great. Evil spitballs. That's all I need.

The earth seemed to explode as her dark ball of energy exploded, knocking me back. I heard the rush of water, and saw that she had ruptured several sewer pipes...

She stabbed her trident at me, and I parried with Riptide, jumping back and letting loose with a controlled cut. She tried at me again with the trident, this time crackling with green lightning. Now, sharp pointy objects with electricity going across them are usually bad, and I took this opportunity to quickly jump out of the way before the trident turned me into a Percy-on-a-stick.

The Condesce then lashed her tentacles toward me. I slashed at one, but it just clanged aside as if it were made of metal. I had to duck to avoid another one, but a third slashed my arm. Blood trickled out of my arm.

"That's my video-game arm!" I grumbled, focusing my power on the sewers below me while the Condesce's tentacles tried to mince me further.

The ground erupted with water around me. Chunks of concrete clubbed the Condesce in the cranium. She stabbed again, but I was ready. The sheer force of water blasted into the Condesce's trident, pushing it away from me. But then, she clocked me upside the head with a hammer fist. My head spun. Blood roared through my ears as the sewer water cascaded down upon both of us.

Just then, I heard a laser blast and saw the Condesce fly clear across the floor. Down came Fordo, as well as a lot of rain. "Well, I'm glad I don't have to work with poo water," I said. As the rain fell, my wounds began to heal. Seawater would have done the job much faster, but you can't really tell nature what to do.

While the Condesce was busy coping with psychic energy, I spun in a circle and cut her in the midsection using Riptide. Then I told the rain to start spinning around me. I willed the droplets to gyrate faster and faster, to revolve around me, to grow wild and harsh.

Soon, I had a hurricane spinning around me. My own personal storm. I stood in the eye of my personal hurricane. "This gets me all the time," I said, before running toward the Condesce, my hurricane twisting around me. I jumped out of the storm, using the winds to propel me out of the eye, and I watched as the storm engulfed the Condesce.

The hurricane seemed to have eaten her. One minute, she was there, the next, gone with the wind. Er, no pun intended.

Hulk: Smash.

The Hulk growled at the monstrous troll that charged at him. He roared and drove a fist straight into the enormous troll guard as it charged. The beast staggered back, before snarling back and full-body slamming the Hulk. The Hulk picked up the monstrous troll, and twirled it over his head. "HULK SNAP YOUR PUNY NECK!" the Hulk roared.

"GRRROARRRR!"

The Hulk hurled the troll guard into a wall, before picking it up by the leg and smashing into the ground and stomping it into the concrete. However, the troll turned around and grabbed the Hulk by his own leg and swung him into the side of a building. The troll then picked the Hulk up and threw him into the ground.

The Hulk tried to get up, but the monstrous blueblood grabbed him by the arms and twisted them out of usable condition. The Hulk roared in agony and pure fury, but his bellow was silenced when the troll smashed him into a building. The troll proceeded to take both of the Hulk's legs and break them.

This infuriated the Hulk, and the sheer frustration of attempting to get up only made the Hulk angrier.

A low growl quickly escalated into a full-on, full-blast roar that rocked the wreckage of Theed. As the Hulk continued to roar, his arms seemed to snap back together like LEGO pieces, and his legs wove together the same way. The Hulk was soon able to get up and clobber the troll in the head in pure rage.

"THE MADDER HULK GETS..." The Hulk grabbed the troll by the leg and swung it into the same building, before grabbing both of its arms and throwing the troll into the building across from it.

"...THE STRONGER HULK GETS!" He then grabbed the troll from the building, jumped high into the sky, and punched the troll as he was ascending upward. The Hulk then bounced off of a conveniently placed skyscraper and bounded into the air, before catching up with the troll guard high in the stratosphere. He raised his arms and said, "Now..."

"HULK..." The Hulk clenched his fists together, his biceps bulging with anticipation for his most famous move.

"SMAAAAASH!!!!!!!"

The air seemed to bend around the Hulk as he brought his mighty fists down upon the troll. The sheer fury of the blow sent the troll hurtling toward the ground. Flames erupted around the troll as it plummeted down, down, down, burning against the atmosphere. The Hulk decided to follow... after all, as the Hulk, he couldn't be hurt.

The Hulk inverted himself, and punched through the air, giving himself the momentum to instantly match the troll-beast's speed. Fire instantly blasted around the Hulk as he became a giant green meteorite of death, plummeting toward the troll that had mercilessly attempted to defeat the Hulk.

The Hulk's rage escalated with every inch that he fell. His face was contorted into pure fury, and he was about to land the blow of all blows upon the troll.

The troll landed. The Hulk landed shortly after.

KA-THWOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!"

A hole thirty feet deep and thirty yards wide had formed around them. Percy was trying not to lose his balance. As Chitty Chitty Bang Bang attempted to save the son of Poseidon from falling and cracking his head open, the Hulk prepared to fight the troll with the pure power of his anger.

"YOU NO LIKE ME WHEN I ANGRY!" the Hulk roared, as the troll picked itself up and hurled itself toward the Hulk.

The Hulk tried to punch the troll, but the monstrous troll grabbed the Hulk's fist and smashed him into the side of the hole. The Hulk countered by grabbing the troll before it could let go, and he drove the troll's head straight into the bottom of the hole, before grabbing a sewer pipe, tearing it out, and using it to smash the troll in between the legs over and over again. The Hulk decided to crush it with a mighty stomp, driving the troll another ten feet into the ground. He then shoved the sewer pipe into the hole and bent it into the ground with ease.

Water had begun to fill the hole. The Hulk noted this and prepared to jump. He bounded out of the hole and crashed onto the floor.

Chitty: Crash.

"Kate, you can drive?" Percy asked Kate, who was at the wheel of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

"Well, my dad taught me how to drive a tractor. I figured this wasn't so different," Kate replied.

"Hey, we've got trouble!" Percy cried, seeing that the guards had taken flight somehow.

"You fight 'em!" Kate said. "It's raining, anyway!"

"That can't be good for the car!" Percy said. "Land or something!"

"We might be wrecked!"

But it was too late. Chitty let out a loud bang as the car struggled to stay aloft. There was too much water on the canvas wings that held Chitty in the air.

Percy cursed in Greek. "I'm gonna try a soft landing!" Kate said.

Kate's definition of a soft landing: smashing into the ground on two front wheels, bouncing and barrel-rolling twice, and nearly taking off the car's bumper.

"I don't want to know what your hard landing is," Percy groaned.

The hurricane had ceased to exist, and lighting flashed as an angry Condesce stood before them, coughing out water and debris while giving them a hateful glare.

((Sorry for taking so long but I didn't have any idea what to post)

Sindri: Betray.

Appropriate listening:

The condesce had been buffeted, battered, and beaten by the Champions arrayed before her, her armies were starting to crumble, her guards lay dead or beaten on the ground. She was losing...backing up she snarled angrily, trying to call forth the projection of Sindri to call upon him for aid. Responding to this warp based cry, a transluscent projection of Sindri appeared by her side, visible and audible only to her and the other destroyers. The unassuming looking Chaos sorcerer stood ready, clutching the upper portion of his bedlam staff. "Ah, "Empress" Meenah...and to what do I owe this call?" Sindri asked in his silken voice, entirely confident and poised.

"T)(is bassault is crumbling faster than a cod damned sand bank in a )(urricane! I ne3----d)(elp rig)(t fucking now if you can't sea!" She snapped angrily and desperately, looking over to the approaching champions, clutching her trident as she prepared a final defence. "Ah, you require my aid then?" The sorcerer asked rhetorically, tilting his head to the side briefly before resuming his erect posture. "Does it look pike I'm kidding you clownfis)(?!? The s)(arks smell blood and t)(ey're closing in!" She shouted as she took a stab at Percy before reeling back from a slash from the Eldar Farseer Macha, prompting her to create a dark shockwave with a footstomp while trying to deflect blaster bolts from Fordo and crreating a wall of darkness to try and slow bluddflagg and hulk down.

"Temper, temper, it is most unbecoming of you to lose your poise in such a matter...now tell me, why should I help you?" Sindri responded in his wine like voice, his projection teleporting right to the left of her, his gestures smooth and deliberate. "Whale it's becasue we're cod damned partners like whales in a pod you basshole! Can't you sea that?!" She asked, her tone getting more desperate as she heard the vicious roar of old one eye approaching, firing off beams of darkness from her eyes while twirling around with her trident to try and bat the champions away, reeling backwards from more hits delivered to her body.

"Partners? That would imply that we were equals, and that was never the case." He responded in a chillingly sinister voice. "But you promi-" She shot back before he cut him off. "I promised nothing." He said in a cold, hissing whisper, leaning forward as she took a grenade to the shin, batting away Captain Fordo while jabbing her trident downward at Percy, reeling backwards as she took more blows, shrieking with anger as Bluddflagg and Hulk broke through her dark wall and started making there way towards her, she looked at Sindri's projection as he spoke, her eyes widening with realization.

"You in your lust for power grabbed at an opportunity that was never there. There was never going to be a reward in it for you. You were never more than a stepping stone on my path to glory. A piece in my game that been played it's part to distract from the real goal. You were just a broadsword for me to wave at my enemies while I plunge the dagger into their backs." He continued as Meenah took a superstrong hit from one of the champions before stabbing forward at the offender and backpedling to the top of a ridge, once again, the illusion of Sindri following her.

"But w)(Y? You can't just leave me )(ere to di----e!!!" She almost whimpered as Bluddflagg peppered her with bullets and Fordo danced around her, firing a storm of blue bolts and Macha launched psychic lightning, followed by a barrage of other attacks by other champions, which she responded to with a lance of dark power fired from her maw as it split open to reveal her inhuman mouth. "Why am I doing this? Because we both know that in the end, there could only be one. As for leaving you, your pleas that I am beholden to you display childlike naivete. You have gone through so much of your life with absolute power that you cannot begin to grasp those around you leaving you to your fate. But I can!...and I will." He went on before Old One eye blind sided her, causing her to stumble over before she launched a purple orb of nether energy to push the unstoppable carnifex back, stabbing at toad with her trident until celestial bronze weapons slashed at her heels.

"Sindri!!!! )(elp me ple-----ease! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!! GUARDS )(----ELP ME!!!" She pleaded one last time as she tried to bat away her aggressors with a sweep of her trident while those other soldiers attatched to her guard unit turned to face her, but the Chaos Sorcerer merely leaned forward until they were face to face. "Meenah, sweet little Meenah, never forget...all power demands sacrifice, thank you; for yours! Leave her." He finished with an offputtingly charming tone that grew into a harsh, hissing whisper, disappearing as those soldiers fighting to keep the champions away from her herself simply strode away, having never been truly loyal to the Condesce or the rest of her army, indeed, even Gcat, her first guardian pet, as well as her possessing ing and daemon teleported away at Sindri's command, the sorcerer having long stolen away the loyalties of these three.

With her personal guard now gone, the soldiers they were once engaging opened fire on the Condesce, even as she shrank down to normal size and shape, her ing and chaos induced mutations leaving her body; knocking her forward into the path of Macha's singing spear, which impaled her through the chest and went out through her back, sending psychic energy crackling through her body before the fiery haired eldar pulled back her psychic weapon and stood back to let Meenah slump forward to the ground, hitting it with her knees with a heavy thud, tyrian purple blood oozing out of her.

Her last and final words, was a howl of "Sindri! Don't leave me! SINDRI!?! SSIIIINNDDDDRRRRRrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiii..." Her voice trailing off as the life finally left her body, the final things she heard being Sindri's cold laughter, but her spirit did not go to the furthest ring as was normal for those of paradox space...those who could sense such things would notice the spirit trying to rise out of the body, only for tendrils to yank it down to parts unknown. Her millenia of rule over the trolls had now ended, and the hungry Carnifex promptly threw itself at her corpse, ripping huge chunks of meat out with it's massive jaws and claws, the Tyranid hungrily devouring her body to fulfill the urge to consume that filled all servants of the hive mind.

"+...Optimus...the Condesce has been dealt with...+" Macha reported over the commlink looking over the battlefield. "+Good work, the bulk of our Tyranid and Ork reinforcements have arrived...they'll be sweeping out the surviving destroyers within the minute.+" Optimus responded over the comm link, and true enough, Roks and Mycetic Spores rained down from the sky like a vast meteor shower, disgorging a huge scuttling horde and a vast green tide of violence that ran down the broken and fleeing destroyers on Naboo. Needless to say, those destroyers who had not already left the planet were wiped out, over taken by the wave of violence that swept over them.

"Either she was going crazy in her last moments...or she was having some kind of conversation the rest of us couldn't see or hear the other side of." Fordo reported bluntly as he holstered his pistols with a quick, practiced motion. "These destroyers are always playing shell games...leading us to believe we've cut them off at the head, only for it to be revealed to be nothing but a decoy...mark my words, we shall uncover the real threat soon enough, but If what I have foreseen is correct...it will be one far more terrible than what we have faced before...and what we do in this act of this cosmic play, will come back to haunt us long after we believe this current stage of our conflict to be resolved." Macha responded curtly, not sure to make of the visions she had seen as she removed her helmet, taking in a breath of air polluted by war though it may be...

Elsewhere:

Sindri and a contingent of Chaos Space Marines stood over a pit dug up on Naboo, from which a series of servants, true followers loyal only to the forces of Chaos, brought forth a rounded ovoid, decorated with jawless skulls that came out in four equidistant points around it's midsection, surrounded by a web of ivory like flesh. Standing next to him was Jack Noir, Animated Megatron, Xykon, and the Draconian Dignatary the former maintaining something of a snarl as he sniffed the air while the second loomed over the proceedings with his armoured hands behind his back, the third seemed to be faking falling asleep, and the latter lit a cigar in a highly casual manner.

"So...this is the artefact we got the Condesce to distract the champions to get?" Jack snarled impatiently, his shrill voice rough and always on the bound of growling. "Of course...I promised you the Maledictum...and I have delivered." Sindri responded calmly and smoothly, his voice full of cool relish. "And as for the Empress?" Megatron inquired as the guards kept watch. "Oh she shall trouble us no longer." The sorcerer responded with a calm detatchment.

"Eh, good, couldn't stand her." Xykon stated bluntly before boredly fidgeting with a remote, Redcloak not looking totally convinced that this was the best of ideas. "I think it'd be best for us to get out of here." Droog said as the bellows of Orks and the Shrieks of Tyranids became more and more audible. "Agreed." Redcloak laconically responded as he casted a spell of teleportation to bring them, the guards of the site, and the artefact with them offworld.

As they went off in their separate ways, the Dignitary put a hand on Jack's shoulder to get his attention once he was sure Sindri was out of earshot. "Jack, that guy is bad news. Look what he did to the Condesce, I've been doing administration work in this organization and the one thing that gets me sweating is infighting. What's to stop him from doing the same to us?" The tall Dersite stated bluntly as Jack pondered. "Because I'm way more powerful than the Condesce and higher up than her. I put down a ton of those graveyard stuffers, and I took down that traitor Ridley." He snarled confidently, wanting to get on with his business already.

"Look, all I'm saying is watch out...I don't know what that guy has cooking in his head, but it's not good." He concluded before bowing out, leaving this subsect of the destroyers to go about their own business and manage their own projects that would help bring this one goal of attaining vast amounts of power to reality. Each was convinced that in the end they would be the ones who came out on top in this power play. Of these five, only two were not plotting against each other. But of course, when has any plot ever gone according to plan?

But there was one for whom everything was proceeding as he wished. Sindri brought the Maledictum to a ritual site on a hell blasted planet on top of an altar that lay at the summit of a great step pyramid. The cultists gathered here immediately known what was asked of them and gathered around the Maledictum as it floated to the centre of the Altar, where a black ritual was started to try and break the shell of the arcane thing; to try and unleash the power within. Sindri looked upon these works and smiled beneath his helmet. "The first domino falls...and so many more shall follow." He stated to himself sinisterly.

Percy: OMGWTFBBQ?

As the Condesce writhed in pain and shrank to her normal form, I snorted. "Anyone know what in the heck is going on?" I asked. "One minute, she's a freaking trident-swinging monster who's after my head, the next, she's cowering in fear of something."

Then she was eaten. A Carnifex leaped up to her, tore her flesh to bits, and ate her.

And, surprisingly, Kate didn't scream "EWW!" or some other utterance of complete disgust.

"Why didn't you scream?" I asked her. "That was one of the most disgusting things I've ever---"

"What is there left to be disgusted by?" Kate asked.

"What exactly do you mean?"



"Haven't we all seen worse?" she asked. She got into the car with Violet. "That was a rhetorical question, by the way," she said, as the car honked and took to the air.

Haven't we all seen worse?

Kate actually had a point there.

In a war, nothing matters. Our backgrounds don't matter. Who cares if I was from Manhattan, and saved the world from the Titans? What does it matter if Mario had rescued Peach countless times? Who gives a darn about preventing the destruction of the Omniverse by Nemesis Prime? We can still die.

Bill Gates the Metagross. Cleaved in half within two seconds.

Tigger. Sacrificed himself with a Whoop-dee-duper Loop-dee-looper Alley-ooper Bounce into Dark Samus's body, only for her to take on a more powerful form.

We are nothing but soldiers. Not heroic champions of the Omniverse. Everywhere we go, destruction follows, attempting to hunt us down, to bring ruin to all of us. We as people don't matter now. All that matters is that I can control water, that Kate's got her utility bucket, that Optimus can turn into a truck, and that we have a theme park ride that can stomp heads.

Yes, we have seen worse.

All of this. It is worse. This is not a heroic war. What better are we than the Destroyers if we still bring ruin to every world we go to?

I pondered this as Magolor and Leo piloted their respective ships down to ground level and ushered us on.

"Hey, what's eatin' you, amigo?" Leo asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said, turning away.

Are we people?

Or are we tools?

LOCATION: Lor Starcutter

"Okay, your move."

Toad stared intently at the chessboard. He looked at the pieces carefully, thinking several moves ahead in order to figure out which piece to play.

He moved his knight into Magolor's bishop.

"Shoot!" Magolor grumbled. He pensively pondered the chessboard, checking which pieces would affect gameplay in which way.

"Hurry up," Toad said impatiently.

"Okay, okay!"

Magolor pushed his pawn forward.

"Ha!" Toad said, knocking his bishop into the pawn.

But then, Magolor used his knight to capture the bishop.

"Dang," Toad said, placing a palm on his forehead. "This is harder than I thought."

Magolor had captured more of Toad's pieces than Toad has of Magolor's. Magolor even had Toad's queen.

"You must have one heck of a plan," Magolor noted, watching Toad gaze at the board.

"Nah, just spacin' out. Geez, man, I can NOT beat you at chess!"

Toad pushed a pawn forward.

Magolor's rook crashed into the pawn. "Check," Magolor said.

Toad pushed his bishop into Magolor's rook. Magolor cursed.

"Watch the language," Toad said, as Magolor moved his bishop into the spot where Toad's other knight was.

"Ah, you've fallen into my trap. Maybe you'd like to take that move over," Toad said. Magolor scratched his head. What was Toad talking---

CLACK! Toad's rook rammed into Magolor's knight. "Check!" Toad said triumphantly.

"What?" Magolor looked at the board.

He saw that his king was left open after he had eaten one of Toad's pawns early in the game.

"You gotta be careful, Magolor," Toad said.

"Oh, well. It's a game. Unlike this entire stupid war we're in right now."

Magolor and Toad shook hands, and packed up the chessboard.

A bright light flashed on the other side of the room. As it dispersed, two human-looking beings could be seen sprawled on the floor as if they had just fallen. Both of them were female, one of them with massive blond hair and a short red dress, the other one wearing a black corset and long striped stockings as well as having long, straight dark blue hair. The blond one started to get up and rub her head. "Stockin', what the fuck just happened?"

"Beats me, Panty," replied the other one, getting up as well. Looking around the room, they noted it was very... spaceship like. An odd spaceship with a bright blue color scheme and hovering stars with pictures in them, but a spaceship none the less.

"Well where ever we are, we better get ready for some serious shit." The two began to remove their namesakes, but halfway through doing so, Stocking noticed some rather disturbed beings that looked nothing like humans.

"Panty!" she began to point out, "Ghosts!"

"I knew it!" said Panty looking over her shoulder. Pulling her underwear down all the way, she swirled it into her hand until it became an turquoise gun with a bow on the end. Stocking did the same with one of her stockings, though hers became a brilliant katana. "You take the mushroom head, I'll take the one with the stupid belt!"

"Got it!"

They began to attack, coming closer to the confused duo. "Repent motherfuckers!"

Toad: BWUAHSH

"GAH! HELP! AGH! NO! ACK!" I cried as the psycho ladies took off their underwear and started shooting/slashing at me. "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!!!!"

"HEEEEEELLLLP!!!!!!!" Magolor cried. "KIRBY!"

Kirby came running. "Poyo?" he asked. He then noted the two psycho underwear-wielders of death.

He didn't seem to grasp the whole of the situation. "Hiiii!" he said rather cutely.

We just stared in shock at him.

"Really?" Magolor grumbled. I shrugged.

The sister angels stopped for a bit. "Hey, that pink one looks like a marshmallow!" said Stocking.

"Well that ghost's gonna get toasted in a minute!" Panty shot a few bullets from her underwear, hitting the pink blob in the forehead. Instead of blowing him up, however, they just bounced off and knocked him over, forming a bruise or two on his forehead. Confused looks came over the Anarchy sister's faces. "Dammit, I thought they were ghosts!"

"Sorry," apologized Stocking, cutting in front of her sister. "My sister is a bit of a dumbass sometimes, so please excuse her."

"You're the one who pointed it out, retard," cursed Panty, who was somewhat angry by this point.

"We should check whether the other ones are ghosts though," replied Stocking. Swinging her stocking sword, she only made a simple thump on the mushroom headed guy, and a clang on the one with "the stupid belt". "Fuck, I was wrong."

"So tell us," said Panty to the victims of small blunt force, "Where the fuck are we and can you get us to Heaven?"

"And do you have any Prinkles?" added Stocking. "I'm starved."

"You're always starved," commented Panty under her breath.

Magolor: Address the potty-mouthed angels.

"Wow, what a colorful vocabulary," I whispered to Toad. He nodded.

Kirby rubbed his head. I tried not to wince as the one with the sword clocked me in the noggin. "Um, to answer your questions, A. you are in the Lor Starcutter, my state-of-the-art Halcandran space ship, B. no, I can't get you to Heaven because I am not dead, and C. let me check the cupboards."

I zipped into the kitchen and found a can labeled "Pringles Sour Cream & Onion." I ran (er, floated) back out and tossed the can into the stocking-sword angel's hands.

"And for the record," I said, addressing the same angel, "I quite like my 'stupid belt!'"

Toad stepped forward. "As you can see, we aren't ghosts. I suppose, because this misunderstanding about our status in the life cycle has blown over, that we can get to introduct----"

"HAAAIIIII!!!" Kirby said happily. His bumps were gone.

"That's Kirby," I said. "He's a cool guy. He has a HUGE appetite."

"I'm Toad," Toad said. "I'm attendant to Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the head of operations at the central Item Block factory."

"And I'm Magolor, captain, navigator, and poop-deck scrubber of this good ol' galleon," I said.

"Poop-deck scrubber?" Toad asked.

"Hey, what do you think I do while you guys are off saving the world, huh? I can't just sit here bored all the time!"

Meta Knight all of a sudden came flying down. "What is going on? I heard shouts!" he cried, whipping out his sword and looking in every direction.

"Oh, everything's fine, Meta Knight," Toad said. "There was just a little misunderstanding."

Meta Knight relaxed and sheathed his sword. "Ah. Who are these young ladies?" he asked.

Meta Knight can pretty much call anybody a "young lady" or "young man" because he's 50,000 years old. (Don't call him a geezer, he's still going strong!)

"Uhhhh... I dunno. Who the heck are you?" I asked the two angels.

Stocking took the can. "Dammit, I said PRINK-les, not PRING-les!" she said with some frustration. "Oh well." She opened it and started eating the processed potato product anyways. "Ooh, these are good! Why have I never had them before?" She started eating them ravenously.

"So anyways," said Panty as her sister gobbled down the chips, "I'm Panty, and this over here is my fatass sister Stocking." She made hand gestures to point her out.

"Yeah, well she's a total slut!" counterpointed Stocking between bites. "She's fucked like a billion people!"

"A billion and one, Stocking."

"Ehh, whatever." said her sister after finishing the can in record time, "We should probably try to get some more useful weapons, cuz these fuckers don't seem to be supernatural at all."

"Good idea." Panty turned to Meta Knight. "Hey, know where we could get some guns and swords that actually work on people?"

Meta Knight: Answer that question.

"I can answer that question," I said. "I once had a battleship. I called her the Halberd. She was a beauty--"

"Until Kirby wrecked it!" Magolor teased.

I shot a murderous glare at Magolor.

"I would appreciate it if you would refrain from the raillery for now, Magolor," I grumbled. I cleared my throat. "So, my ship. She has an armory that could arm half of Dream Land with high-tech weaponry. However..."

I began to pace. "Earlier in this story, it was stolen from me by the Destroyers--"

"You oughta explain who those jerks are," Toad said to me.

"Yes. They are the evil people who want to destroy everything. You can tell if they are evil if they attack you on sight using some sort of overpowered weapon," I explained.

I turned to Toad. "May I continue?"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead."

"It was stolen, and used as a vessel for the Destroyers for a long time. They have not touched the exterior yet (thank the Lord) but the interior... I am not sure if I will be able to recognize my ship's layout. They may have added or destroyed some rooms while it was in their possession. They have already altered its bomb bays to hold Shadow Bugs---"

"Shadow Bugs?" asked Magolor.

"Yes... They are---"

"THOSE THINGS!!!" Toad cried, pointing out the window. Purple dots had begun to cover the Lor Starcutter. Toad ran up a staircase and out onto the Lor Starcutter's deck.

"Come! Follow!" I ordered.

Toad: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

Sure enough, there was the Halberd, its dark shadow looming over the Lor Starcutter. A rain of shadowy purple balls were falling from the ship's bomb bays. All around us, humanoid forms began to emerge.

"Aw, come on! I hate these things!" I grumbled as green-clad, gray-skinned soldiers began to materialize from the humanoid forms. Many a time have I been shot in the face by these guys because Peach used me as a shield.

Meta Knight jumped onto the deck beside me. "Primids!" he cursed, drawing his sword. Kirby emerged wearing his Tornado hat. Magolor raised a hand and a magical fireball appeared.

"What? I thought you got rid of your Dark Matter powers!" I cried.

"Um, these aren't Dark Matter powers. I had these before. It's just that Dark Matter was using them through me," he explained.

"Well, okay then," I said.

We went into awesome mode. I whipped out a British cop's bludgeon and ran around beating on the Primids. "Take that, ya freaks!"

"Vhat is going on? I hear shout!" I heard Heavy cry from the interior of the Lor.

"Heavy! GET UP HERE!" I yelled.

"DA!"

I heard the tromping of boots. The yarn outline of Heavy blasted out of the door. "EEEEYYAAAAHHHHH!" Heavy screamed, firing bullets at the Primids. "CRY SOME MORE!!!!!"

Meta Knight jumped and slashed at two Primids, dissolving them into Shadow Bugs. However, they overwhelmed him and pinned him to the ground. "Kirby!" Meta Knight shouted.

Kirby was on it. He began to gyrate quickly, and had created a miniature cyclone around himself. He blasted into the Primids, scattering their essence across the deck of the Lor Starcutter. He stopped spinning, but that was when a wave of Shadow Bugs crashed into him.

I was hit by a purple tornado. "OW!" I cried, getting knocked into the Lor's window.

"Careful! I just had those washed!" Magolor called.

"You're worried about THAT at a time like THIS?!"

The little purple tornado stopped and revealed itself to be a false Kirby. Kirby glared at the doppelganger. False Kirby grinned maniacally and whipped up another tornado. Kirby was ready for this. He created his own tornado and crashed into False Kirby at full speed.

"Go, Kirby, go!" I called, taking my hammer and bashing a Primid who was sneaking up on me.

Kirby spat out his ability, inhaled the false Kirby, and shot him into the deck of the Lor. He grabbed his ability, ate it again, and drill-stomped the false Kirby, before grabbing him and pile-driving him into the floor. Kirby then turned back into a cyclone and whipped the false Kirby around so hard, that the doppelganger immediately vaporized into its core essence. "Where do all these Shadow Bugs come from, anyway?" Magolor asked.

"They come from a being who goes by the name of Mr. Game & Watch-- oh, no!" Meta Knight cried.

"What?" I asked.

"Mr. Game & Watch... I remember him being in this entire situation with us... If the Destroyers had gotten their hands on him..."

"Then they can create an unlimited supply of Shadow Bugs, copy all of the Champions, destroy us, and then take over the Omniverse and do some questionable things?" Magolor asked.

"Not all at once," Meta Knight replied.

"Okay, I've had it. We're going to save Mr. Game & Watch and retake the Halberd!" Toad said.

"And get some cool new toys," Magolor added. "Set course for the Battleship Halberd!"

Magolor jumped back into the Lor and commanded it to lean way back. "You guys might want to get belowdecks," he suggested.

We did.

Appropriate Listening:



The Anarchy sisters followed the group up to the deck, deep purple orbs landing and forming humanoid shapes. They took on shapes like pale green dolls, soulless red eyes peering from the black circles that were their heads.

"Finally!" said Panty, "some fuckin' action!" She cocked her panty gun.

"Wait," said Stocking, stopping her before she attempted anything to reckless. "What if our weapons don't work?"

"There's only one way to find out!" Bullets flew at the sound of a bang, hitting a few Primids square in the foreheads. Unexpectedly, the bullets were not in vain. The strange beings that formed from the violet spheres exploded, dissolving into dimmed particles. "Fuck yeah!" The sisters then began to fend off more of the doll-like drones.

"These things slice easier than cake!" said Stocking, clearly enjoying the slayings. But as they were doing this, the shadow bugs took on two very familiar forms. Stocking felt a metal cylinder on the back of her head. Turning around, her hair was grazed by a bullet, revealing some of the pink layer underneath. A sickly purple Panty stood behind her, still pointing the gun, giving off an eerie glow, yellow eyes adding as much to her expression as the crazed grin on her face. "Hey! No impersonating my sister, bastards!" The clone was then cut clean through in several places, falling a part from its stance. Panty had faced a similar doppelganger of her sister, which ended up with the same fate.

As some of the group returned to inside the ship to change course, the Anarchy sisters stayed on the deck so as to assist in the fight. "Fuck, these things just keep coming!" said Panty. A short time later, the whole ship began to swerve, causing everyone, including what Primids remained formed, to lose their balance. The Starcutter was on course to another ship: The Halberd.

Bruce: Turn back!

I felt my mind clearing back up as I shrank back to normal. It was as if I were released from a vice.

Everybody was gaping at my half-naked body.

"Dude," said the teenaged blond girl with the bucket, "put on some clothes."

"Well, now that we can actually fit you into the Argo II, I'm Leo. We'd do introductions, but because there are a gazillion of us, we'd be as old as the gods by the time we're done!" the Mexican kid said.

"Wait, you don't think I'm a freak or anything? I've got massive anger management issues..." I said.

"You kidding?" said the triangular-headed boy. "That was so cool! How'd that happen to you?"

"Accident. Gamma bomb," I said tersely.

"Guys, let's go. I've got a feeling that we'd be attacked if we stayed any longer," Leo said.

We boarded Leo's ship. "Are you raising the sails with a Wii remote?" I asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing..."

Magolor: TAKE DOWN THE HALBERD!!!!!



Dude. You are getting WAY too far ahead.

The Lor was being fired upon by the Halberd's many guns. "Can't you stop 'em?" I cried to Meta Knight.

"I lost all control to the ship a long time ago!" Meta Knight replied. "Head for the deck!"

"DO A BARREL ROLL!" Toad yelled.

I glared at him. "This is no time for internet memes! We've got a ship to take back!"

I gunned the Lor's engines and the ship sped toward the enormous battle cruiser. "Watch out for the main cannon!" Meta Knight cried.

A glistening drum with a cannon sticking out of it spun around to aim at us, while a bronze-plated laser cannon opened up and began to charge power. "Hang on tight!" I shouted, flicking on the seat belt lights and bringing the Lor into a nosedive. My ship plummeted and everybody held on for dear life as cannonballs and a laser beam streaked above us. Explosions rocked the air as the Lor swung back upward and shot star bolts to take out the guns.

As we approached the ship's deck, Meta Knight gave orders. "We must remove the Destroyers from this ship! If any are left behind, they will find a way to sabotage the ship or even return it to their custody! Before retaking the ship, all of them must be off!"

The Lor landed. "Things are gonna get violent," Toad said.

"I LOVE violent!" Heavy roared.

"Alright. Rootin', tootin', ready for shootin'! Mission begins in 3... 2... 1... LET'S GO!" I shouted.

The Lor opened up and we charged out, guns blazing. Heavy took out a dozen Roturrets positioned on the deck of the ship. "There! It is all clear! We can move on!" Heavy said.

The Lor Starcutter took off and opened a dimensional portal, hiding in safety so that we would have a ride back.

"Alright, let's move!" Toad shouted, running ahead.

Appropriate listening:

By Order of Optimus, the next strike against the destroyers would be against the world of Coruscant. Long ago, this was where this bloody war began. Long ago, this was where the call of Khorne was sounded. And now things had come full circle. Now the champions would strike into the depths of the Emperor Ing's infestation. The assault would be a stealthy one, the army would be elsewhere to provide a distraction, assaulting core worlds such as Humbarine or Alderann. The actual champions, alphas, and darkbringers would go in for a covert assault.

Grimlock was to be the vanguard while Optimus drew away attention by leading the diversionary attack on the dark world of Humbarine. Grimlock sped past the blockade, disguised as a meteor. Others had hijacked ships and were using them to slip by the destroyer armada. Others just teleported into designated rendevous points and were waiting for the group to assemble.

Like a metallic comet, Grimlock roared past the void of space in protoform mode. He could already sense the oncoming battle. He hungered and he ached to fight once again. It would be a glorious thing. Sure there others like the Hulk, Thor, or John egbert, or Bluddflagg, but Grimlock liked to think of himself as the group's strongest, physically anyway.

He felt a sudden surge of heat. He was entering the atmosphere, which started to burn at his disguise. But he was calm, he was informed by Martellus that the disguise would work just fine. He hoped to primus that Martellus was right about that. It's not that he wouldn't have survived the fall from orbit, by now he was so powerful that falling from orbit would be like going down a step, it's that he'd attract the attentions of the enemy.

And even Grimlock, strong enough to smash worlds, didn't want the full force of the Ing bearing down on him before he was ready. According to intel, the destroyer known as Xykon was on here, having been twisted into a creature of the Ing, but still retaining his mind as the undead Lich lorded it over the city planet. The plan was a series of rapid surgical strikes into the world's defenses, to locate and smash Xykon's phylactery, then destroy the Lich himself.

The loss of another major destroyer after the death of the condesce should certainly rustle the jimmies of the Destroyers. Grimlock sensed some of the others nearby, likely Sylux bringing along some of the others in his Delano 7. But he also sensed a strange presence...one that had been dead for a while...Samus? No, it couldn't be...her body was laid to rest a long time ago.

But now he felt that the atmosphere was greatly thickening. He was close. An almighty shock rumbled through his form. And at the last moment, the dinobot broke off from the meteor shell as the destroyers targeted and destroyed it. Descending ever further down, he witnessed a great plume of flame erupt as the meteor shell was obliterated by an overly zealous defense force, blinding them briefly and causing the ing there to retreat, just as Rose Lalonde predicted.

Descending onto the ground with a thud, Grimlock stood up and unsheathed his energon sword and shield. The first destroyers to spot him were a pair of brutes, a pair of brutes he neatly decapitated in a single swing as he made his way for the communicator and shield generator to give the all clear signal and open up small holes in the planetary shield to allow more to come. Casually batting away a mass of tolkienian orcs before they could raise the alarm, Grimlock brought himself to the door of the dark spire.

Placing his weapons away, the Autobot punched down the door, sending the two mighty walls flying across the room and crushing yet more destroyers, stabbing the alarm system with a sword to stop it from reporting his presence. "Well, well, look what we got here." He heartily chuckled before engaging Tyrannosaurus Rex mode.

What followed was a blood bath best left to the imagination as he chomped, stomped, swatted, and burned his way through the complex before heading to the communicator, slamming a device into the USB port, the communicator sent out a covert signal that told the others that they were clear to make their descent, and opened up the small holes in the destroyer defense grid that would be needed for such a landing. Now, after way too long, was fighting time once again.

Jenny

Alright, time to knock some Ing-wrecked heads.

I had turned into a small bomber, holding R.O.B. in my bay. Descending upon Coruscant, I opened my bomb bay and R.O.B. fell towards the ground. The robot gyrated until it turned upright and activated its retro-rockets and floated gently to the ground.

Meanwhile, the Argo II descended into landing and touched down atop a building. The ancient Greek trireme was a juxtaposition against the flying speeders that criscrossed Coruscant's skies, despite the Ing invasion; amazing how life can still go on.

I discovered how horribly wrong I was.

A line of sixty speeders all dove towards the Argo. The drivers were all Ings!

Cannons fired from the Argo, trying to shoot down the speeders while campers brandishing ranged weapons stood atop the deck, firing with abandon, crippling engines and killing drivers, as the Argo's beacons shone back and forth.

At first, it may seem like a bad idea. Come on, two giant flashing lights pretty much say, "Here we are! Whoop our butts and drag us to the Emperor Ing!"

The lights served but to deter the Ing away from the Argo, as well as to guide the other ships.

R.O.B. and I had landed atop a larger building, which looked to be a parking structure, as speeders lined up across walls marked with letters. "Alright guys," I said into my built-in communicator, "it's all clear."

I took a second to reflect on what had happened. Gadget and Astro had sacrificed themselves to rebuild me. I'm not letting their lives go to waste.

I turned and jumped off the parking structure.

I spread my arms out.

A blue flare erupted behind my head, and I rocketed forward, speeding across the skies of Coruscant. "Alright, Optimus, what's the plan?" I asked, as I scanned for other Champions.

Meta Knight

"Right! Let's move!" I barked, ushering the small group from the Lor Starcutter into the Halberd's back entrance.

"Whoa, Meta Knight, you're actually using contractions! The colloquialisms were a start, but---" Toad began.

"Just get in! We have no time," I hushed, pushing Toad into the door and slamming it behind me.

"Hey, who's got a light?" asked Magolor.

"How can you not see? Your eyes glow in the dark!" Toad snarked.

"You're the one with the magic mushrooms. Can't you conjure up a flashlight or something?"

"Is it too small in here to create a tour bus?" Toad inquired.

"Try it, I can't tell," I replied.

FWOOMP!

"PUT IT BACK!" everybody yelled simultaneously.

We could move again. "I guess we're stuck with walking," Toad said.

Kirby found a candle. He picked it up, and the glow seemed to grow around us, revealing the dark metal corridor.

"Right. Are those two angels following us? They ought to keep up," I said, leading the group through the corridor. "I know this ship like the back of my hand."

Clank.

"What was that?" whispered Magolor in a low voice.

"Poyo?" Kirby shakily whimpered.

"Stand your ground!" I hissed, drawing my sword.

I heard another clang, and I leapt forward, pointing my sword. "WHO'S THERE?!" I yelled.

"Augh! Meta Knight! Don't kill me, I haven't made you a bad dish yet, have I?" cried another voice.

I lowered my sword. The glow from the blade let me see the mysterious clanker's face. "Kawasaki?" I asked.

"Yep, the Destroyers are making me cook all their food! The check for poison, too, so I can't do that. Listen, I've been trying to help in every way I can, I unleashed the Wheelies, I let the Fire Lion loose---"

"You let the FIRE LION loose?!" I cried. "That beast doesn't even listen to Captain Vul!"

"But the Destroyers! They even killed the Fire Lion!" Kawasaki stammered. "Please, let me join you guys! I've got connections all through the ship. I even know where Head Wheelie's hiding!"

"Take us to her!" I said.

We ran up and down stairs, through hallways, and across rooms. It was surprisingly quiet for a Destroyer-overrun battleship.

"Hey! Head Wheelie! Meta Knight's back," Kawasaki said.

The pink-rimmed Wheelie turned around. "Meta Knight... I've got sentries posted everywhere. Black rubber does real good in the dark spots on the ship. They told me you were coming, so I prepared some stuff for you guys."

Head Wheelie turned around and punched in some numbers. The security camera screen showed up. "I blacked out the live security cameras and replaced them with videotapes of no real importance," she explained. "You can sneak about the ship for as long as you want. I know that the Destroyers who are running the ship are in the control tower, so you'll have to get there using an elevator. The control tower elevators are locked, and I only have one of the card keys. I can unlock it, but only if the two elevator cards are inserted simultaneously."

"Who has the other card?" I asked.

"One of the major Destroyers on board the ship. I think some of you may have punted him to Madrid a while ago."

"OH, GOD. NOT HIM," Toad groaned.

"If it's him... then we are in trouble," I said.

"Don't worry. Call me when you suspect that he's coming. I'll shut off the ship's Wi-Fi hotspot," Head Wheelie continued. "When you get the card, call me again."

"How do you know these things?" I asked.

"I told you, I have sentries everywhere. They hide. They hate the Destroyers, and would much rather work for you, so the ship is running on reserve power. I suspect that you've got about an hour before the ship's systems go down. The Destroyers don't know that the ship is running on reserve power, so you'd better hurry. Good luck, guys."

Head Wheelie turned around and rolled into the shadows.

"Well, shall we be off?" asked Magolor.

Responding to a crackling comm call a galaxy away, Optimus' proud voice came through. "You need to make rapid assaults into multiple defense stations around the planet to try and lure the destroyer lord Xykon out of his fortress, then you need to split into two forces, one to strike at his phylactery to prevent him from reviving later, and another to destroy his undead body. All objectives will be heavily defended, but I have faith in you. Good luck, and keep your lights bright." Optimus replied from over the link.

From behind the door, a brief inquirement in the guttural space pirate tongue was made, followed by shouts of surprise, then followed by the sound of shots being fired, then followed by the sound of bodies thumping to the floor. From behind the door came Sylux, his suit's newly added spider legs twitching a bit as his platinum coloured light suit shone in what little light there was. "Sorry I'm late...had to go through a detour." The eighteen year old bounty hunter quipped as he turned and shot one wriggling space pirate again with a light beam blast to make sure it stayed dead.

Behind Sylux came Agent Texas, who stepped into the area with the utmost calm as she holstered her magnum pistols. "Could have left me some you know?" She responded with a sigh, to which Samuel just shook his head. "Anyway, got any ideas where to head out? Awful lot of forts to pick from, and a whole mess of the Emperor's cronies in the way." Sylux responded before a familiar roar shook the area.

Godzilla was seen outside, stomping around the city, having arrived in a "specially sized" dropship. Godzilla let loose his ear splitting roar as his orange ray of destruction spiraled out of his mouth and engulfed the destroyers outside as they tried to stop the beast with their weapons. "Well...guess that covers the distraction." Tex remarked with a snort as a fireball engulfed a good sized city block.

"Alright, if we head out soon, I think we can catch Fordo and his team, not sure where the four kids are off too...probably some place super-important, I dunno what else thirteen year old gods would be sent off too. Grimlock's also in the area, and so's Macha. Got wind of some weird winged thing that flies around, but there's a shit ton of weird winged things flying around." Samuel quickly blurted out as Godzilla's roars grew more distant.

((You can decide on what the nearest fort's like, who occupies it, and what kind of minions there are to be found. I've decided to cut back on the railroading. My posts are also a tad shorter so I don't do everything for everyone.))

Jenny

"Got it, Prime," I said. "See ya."

I switched off my communicator.

It didn't take very long to find the first fortress. The Destroyers were overly flashy... hey, what do you expect? They're villains. The fortress was decked out with black spikes, with electric currents running up and down the towering spires. Speeders jetted in and out through ports on the main building, and waterfalls of shadowy ink cascaded from the sides... a sure sign of the Shadow Blot. But the most blaring details were the two pulsating antlers that rose from the highest tower. Every few seconds, a ring of light streaked up the antlers, dividing as it hit the antlers' branches and faded back into darkness. I noted that the Ing tended to stay away from the top of this tower.

I landed in front of the fortress. Gru's car screeched to a halt next to me, and three Minions jumped out as well. "Alright. Let's roll!" Gru said, whipping out two plasma death ball ray guns.

"Gru, that's a bit overkill, don't you think?" I asked.

"Actually," Gru replied, putting away the guns, "I think it's a bit of a... er, understatement. Ha-HA!"

Gru whipped out an enormous rocket launcher dotted with buttons and lights. Several car batteries were hooked up to the barrel, and three large, clear tubes ran through the batteries from a gas tank at the butt of the rocket launcher. Gru pressed down on the trigger, and the barrel began to gyrate. Three electrically charged prongs jutted out from the spinning barrel and sparked.

He fired at the door.

A column of plasma blasted out of the barrel of the gun, tearing open the fortress wall and causing multiple explosions. Lights around the wall began to dim, before blinking out and exploding, sending glass everywhere. I shielded my face.

Gru had already begun to walk through the hole.

"You know there was a door there, right?" I asked, pointing at a door right next to the hole.

Gru looked at it, looked at me, and shrugged.

His three Minions and I followed him into the fortress.

"Death tower of doom huh? Got it" Sylux dryly remarked as he quickly rushed to get into the hole before any enemy defenses could start plugging the breach. Two covenant brutes on guard duty sniffled slightly as they stood at their posts, only for two sniper-blaster bolts for each of them to suddenly pierce their heads and send them flopping to the ground. "You're welcome." Came in a buzzing through the comms, the magnificent bastards in Delta Squad had managed to sneak in.

The clone commandos rapelled down from their vantage points, Boss making a few hand signals that prompted the other members of the squad to check every direction. "Glad you could make it, we were worried we were the only ones who took this fort." Fixer stated, his green trimmed clone trooper armor spattered with blood, Delta Squad having arrived before even Grimlock as part of the scouting force.

"Coruscant's become one hell of a shithole. It's a nightmare you can't wake up from, a night without day. Guess that applies to everywhere." Scorch wearily replied as a Necron formed from a series of skittering mechandrites, garbed in almost pharoah like regalia; the metallic darkbringer nodded as it fully formed. "Where did you come from?" Tex asked as she casually stomped on the neck of one of the brutes to make sure it was dead.

"It is rather easy to slip by some of the defenses when you can discorporate...but yes, what Scorch says is true. This world has become a walking hell. But I've arranged for Red Team to create a distraction." The Death Pharoah responded, it's chill as death voice reeking in a metaphysical sense of death. "What kind of distraction?" Sylux questioned.

Elsewhere:

A road block elsewhere at the fort was guarded by a series of Imperial Stormtroopers, who feeling somewhat comfortable in their home universe; decided to slack off a bit, many of the guards being fast asleep while others made idle chit chat. "So, how's the job treating you?" One Stormtrooper asked.

"Ah, you know Jenkins, the pay and benefits are good, but the bosses can be jerks." The other stromtrooper responded, not hearing the accordion jig in the distance, being as faint as it was. "Ah, that's life. Still, the Coruscant post is pretty nice...kind of quiet." Jenkins responded with a sigh.

"If you don't mind the screaming or the slithering black puddles." The other chortled and snorted as he let his blaster rifle hang to the side. "At first those gave me nightmares but after the second month I kind of got over it...But yeah nice and quie-" Jenkins started before the accordion jig became much closer and louder. "Palpatine's shrivled testicles, what the hell!?!" Jenkins started before a warthog came crashing through the barricades, promptly running over Jenkins and squashing him.

Others were lucky enough to be killed instantly by the impact, but Jenkins then had his legs crushed by a mongoose, prompting him to scream in pain as a ghost came riding in, plasma cannons blazing as the mini-gun on the back of the chupa-thingy started to spin before spewing out leaden death. "DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA!" Simmons shouted with glee, borrowing a phrase from the orks.

"Hey the Orks were right, this is fun!" Simmons cheerily reported as Sarge heard some moaning and groaning. "Grif, we ran over a stormtrooper and you didn't even kill it! What kind of lame ass driver are you?" Sarge berated Grif as he leaned over with his shotgun. "Sorry sir, I was trying to not fall off these platforms, who builds these things anyway!? They don't have guard rails!" Grif complained as Sarge poked Jenkins in the head with his shotgun.

"Watch the birdie, BLAMMO!" Sarge shouted as he blasted apart Jenkin's head, prompting red team to drive forward, leaving about fifty dead stromtroopers in their wake.

Jenny

"Right, now... let's see. Where are we?" I asked.

The tower's path was actually quite straightforward. It was essentially a long flight of stairs. "I'll scout ahead," I said, activating my jets and rocketing up the flight of stairs. "Stay down here until you know it's safe!" I called.

I eventually hit the ceiling. "Huh? It's a dead end!" I noted.

Suddenly, I heard a roar. A large mass of ink crashed down in front of me. A huge, muscular arm ending with a claw dragged across the ground as the behemoth lumbered towards me. Its red eyes glowed in the dim light of the tower, and it wore a fearsome grin that glowed red like its eyes.

"Hold on!" I heard a voice from outside cry. Part of the wall began to shimmer, and just as the monster was about to rake me to pieces, the wall disintegrated. Mickey Mouse dove in and kicked the monster in the jaw. It reeled back and snarled at Mickey. "That's a Slobber!" he told me. "The ones with red eyes are buff and tough!"

"So how do we beat this guy?" I asked.

"No, we don't beat him, we join him," Mickey replied, just as the Slobber opened its mouth to inhale. Mickey shot a stream of blue paint into the Slobber's gaping maw. The beast slowly began to change color. Splatters of glowing blue began to form on the monster's skin. It gasped, choked, wheezed, and roared in anger. However, the roar of anger slowly changed to a purr of ecstasy. "Paint makes guys like him feel good," Mickey explained.

The Slobber shook its head and roared again, before marching up to scrape Mickey with its claw. I shot its arm with a plasma cannon. The arm exploded in a shower of ink. The Slobber gasped in surprise, and Mickey saw his chance. He jammed more paint down the Slobber's gullet. A new arm began to form, blue in color to match most of its body. The Slobber gasped and choked again, coughing red liquid that shifted to a green hue. Its arm had completely re-formed, and the Slobber roared again, though it seemed less inclined to attack than it did before. In fact, it practically asked for paint: it opened its mouth wide and only inhaled a slight bit. Mickey obliged, and the Slobber chugged on the paint until it was completely blue. Its red eyes dimmed slightly, and its wide grin grew even wider. The Slobber picked Mickey up and hugged him tightly.

"And that's how you make friends--URK! Too tight, pal!" Mickey wheezed.

The floor opened from underneath us.

We plummeted.

Gru

"What is taking Jenny so long?!" I groaned.

That's when it hit me. The robot girl, that is.

"Owwwww. Don't you have something that could, say, reduce your falling speed?" I grumbled.

"The drop took me by surprise," Jenny replied.

I noticed that they brought along a large, blue monster with them. He was cuddling Mickey Mouse in an endearing sort of way. "What is that?" I asked.

"Oh, it's just a thing that tried to kill us, but we made friends," Jenny replied. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, let's see if your little friend here knows his way around the fort," I muttered, walking up to the monster. "Alright, monster, where's the boss of this fort? I want to know right now!" I ordered.

The beast belched in my face and went back to cuddling Mickey. I waved my hand in front of my nose. "Well, we aren't getting anywhere with this," I said.

I heard a lively polka playing outside, and several splats, as well as the roar of an engine. "That must be the diversion," I said.

"So, we gotta find out where this tower leads," Mickey said. "There's gotta be a hidden switch somewhere!"

"Or we could just press the button that says, 'DO NOT PRESS,'" Jenny replied.

"That sign's there for a reason," I said.

"Let's settle this with a little democracy. Who says we push the button?" asked Mickey.

But what we failed to take into account is that Destroyers would notice the ruckus near the top of the tower...

"What do you say Sylux, push the button?" Tex asked before Fixer started to analyze the oddly labeled button, trying to determine if it was wired to anything. "Well, something bad would happen if we pushed it, but I'm not sure if it would happen to them or to us." Fixer said as he analyzed the wiring of the Button before the sound of people barking orders in Japanese alerted them to the presence of some destroyers. "Rising sun warriors, on your guard!" Boss said as he took out his repeater and gunned down one of the White and orange clad samurai styled Warriors, the trooper crumpling to the ground as holes were punched in his chest.

"FOR THE EMPEROR!" Some of the warriors shouted as they started firing white bolts of kinetic energy from their carbines, others drawing beam swords and charging forward, shouting in Japanese as they tried to come into melee range. "Let's see what these spider legs can do." Sylux said as he manipulated his spider limbs on his back to extend and then sheathe themselves in deadly energy to parry two beam swords before decapitating another Japanese soldier with a neat slice.

A squad of Tankbusters burst from the ground, their plasma cutters immediately firing away while a pair of Tsunami tanks thundered to the fore; their 90mm cannons booming as they took shots at the champions. Now came time for a fierce fight against a massive wave of Japanese solodiers out for blood.

(Thought I'd make story based posts long and action based ones short so everyone gets a turn.)

Mickey: Battle time.

Oh, great.

Two samurai rushed me at the same time. I jumped and let them crash into each other. They fell down and I sprayed paint thinner into their faces. They screamed and rubbed their eyes in pain, jumping up and running around like armor-clad monkeys. Meanwhile, my new Slobber friend got busy raking up the soldiers with the big cannons. He huffed, puffed, and began to inhale the soldiers. While they were distracted, Jenny kicked them in the back of the head.

One of them fired a bolt at her. She dove to the side, but the energy bolt hit a girder behind her, melting it to slag. "Jenny, be careful!" I cried.

"Right, those guys are gonna melt me if I don't pay attention," Jenny muttered.

And then the tanks rolled in. "Gee, where's a good anti-tank where you need one?"

Quite anticlimactically, a large, bright-orange truck drove through the wall, and began firing at the tanks. "An anti-tank truck?" I questioned quizzically.

"It's fair ground, the cannon-toting soldiers can melt the truck," Gru said.

"Sssshhhhh! Don't give 'em any ideas, stupid!" I hissed, clamping my gloved hand over his mouth.

"Guys! Protect the truck!" Jenny called out, blowing a hole through another one of the Imperial soldiers.

"How are we EVER gonna get past these guys?" I asked. "That button's gotta do something!"

"Well, we can't push it if we can't beat the soldiers," Gru replied. "And besides, we're not even sure what the thing even does!"

I heard a faint bouncing noise coming from upstairs, as if somebody had decided to curl up into a ball and ricochet down the stairwell. I looked up. The faint bouncing noise was getting loud----

OOF!

One of the samurai caught me off guard and rammed me into a wall. I retaliated by blasting paint thinner as he ran towards me. He screamed as the thinner irritated his eyes, and he skewed off to the side, slamming into the wall right next to me. I proceeded to kick him in between the legs.

He yelped. I yelped. He bounced up and down, grabbing his crotch. I bounced up and down, grabbing my foot.

We both fell down. I looked up, and found myself at gunpoint. The tank-wrecking soldier said something in Japanese.

I rolled out of the way. A section of the floor was now missing. I decided to take measures and paint in the hole so that nobody would fall in.

...I shoved the guy in first so that he won't bother us. After I painted the floor in, I heard a horrible, bone-shattering, blood-spattering CRUNCH.

...What have we come to?

Sylux kicked away at another of the Warriors charging at him, breaking his faceplate and sending him spiraling to the ground while Tex necklifted two of them and smashed their heads in together, breaking their actual faces while Delta squad began to lay down a withering barrage of fire.

Bam! One of them dropped to the ground as a blaster bolt speared through his head. KABOOM! Went an anti-armor charge as it arced out of scorch's DC-17 and exploded like a blue-white comet, frying several of them in a single get go while Fixer fired off his blaster in full auto.

Sylux fired off a missile at another Tsunami tank as the white vehicle thundered towards the group; the missile sending molten metal spearing through it's hull and slaughtering the crew, bringing the metal monster to a halt as Tex picked up and hurled the carcass of the tank directly through an advancing mob of Japanese soldiers as the adults hurried themselves towards the button.

Sylux quickly slammed his fist in a backhand into the button to press it, firing off a searing volley of combi-beam shots that glowed with countless colours; piercing through armor, flesh, debris, and walls with contemptuous ease. And as such more and more of them kept on dropping.

"Hah! Get some!" Sylux chuckled as the button revealed to be the operating system of an elevator; which soon brought up something that the group probably would have been better off not pissing off, a gleaming; colossal King Oni mecha, two of them in fact; almost as if they were meant to be guards for the big boss at the top of the fort.

"Aww come on!" Fixer shouted in frustration as the first King Oni thundered forward. "DEATH TO THE GAIJIN!" It thundered in a voice like a constantly exploding bomb before firing off it's laser eyes and swinging it's massive fists to try and crush the champions.

Mickey

When Sylux hit the button, metal panels began to flip up out of the ground. I heard the car of an elevator rising as the shaft built itself, ascending through the middle of the stairwell. Support beams crossed the walls, connecting to the shaft and giving it structural security.

I heard a ding.

Two mechanical monstrosities lumbered out of the elevator. "Well, at least we know the thing's big enough for all of us," I said.

"DEATH TO THE GAIJIN!" the first mecha roared, barreling forward with laser eyes flaring and fists swinging.

"You're too slow!" I heard another voice taunt.

A blue blur crashed down upon the robot, bouncing back and forth between the mecha and the walls, trying to search for a weak point. He succeeded in disabling one of the swinging arms. The blur came to a halt, and I saw that it was Sonic. "Where were you when we needed you?!" I cried.

"Um, had some trouble with Blotlings and three cars. Why?" Sonic replied.

"Never mind. Let's beat these---"

"On it!" Sonic jumped, curled into a ball of spines, and rammed into the other mecha. It fired its laser beams at Sonic, but the hedgehog was too fast for it. Sonic crashed down upon the monster's head, right in between the horns. But the mecha saw its chance, grabbed Sonic, and hurled him into a wall

Sonic hit the ground. He gave a thumbs-up. "I'm OK!" he said woozily. He got up, shook his head, and began to rev up his legs. "Mickey, grab me, and when I give you the signal, LET GO!"

I grabbed Sonic and hoisted him off the ground. His legs were now just a red blur.

"NOW!" Sonic cried.

I let go.

Sonic blasted right through the mechas, knocking one off its feet and ramming the other into the wall. "How'd ya like THAT? That was for a minute ago!" he mocked.

MEANWHILE...

"Who do they think they are?" boomed a manly voice. Its owner was shrouded by shadow. "Those Champions have tangled with the wrong man!"

The shadowy figure watched as the elevator burst through to his platform, suspended in between the antlers. "Well, I'll make sure that I'm more than they can bear!"

The figure laughed a sinister chortle as the camera panned back from the fortress in a very cliche manner.

"The King Onis have shoulder rockets, eye beams, and of course their bodies...try shooting them in the eyes to shut off those lasers!" Sylux said after scanning one, dodging a pair of green rays from the eyes of the first King Oni and then grapple swinging along it's fist to jump on it's shoulder while the massive Japanese war machine turned it's head to face him.

"Got it, watch the birdy!" Scorch chuckled as he fired off an anti-armor shell into the chest of the King Oni, making some warping and melting on it's otherwise immaculate chest armor while Sylux fired at it's shoulder rockets in an attempt to detonate them and cause even more damage, the explosion rippling outward like the crack of thunder in rapid succession while a sniper shot went into one of it's eyes, blasting out the wave force cannon within.

The flailing Mecha tried to swing at the group, only for Tex to tackle it's legs and cause it to list to the left, the machine's gears buckling under the pressure of the superstrong Texan redhead's assault while Boss and Fixer aimed for it's other shoulder mounted set of missiles.

Another series of flaring fireballs and deepening booms roared out from it's other shoulder, caused the machine to stumble backwards as it swatted aside Tex and Sylux with a mighty sweep of it's hand to try and get a bead on the other champions with it's remaining eye.

But at this point Scorch already lined up his next shot, and an arcing comet of an anti-armor shell leaped out from his gun, smashed through the optic of the white armored mecha, and then exploded in it's head, blasting apart the mechanical cranium of the steel monster in a blaze of glory. "Woohoo! Aww right!" Scorch cheered.